They sound โ incongruent. ย No, thereโs a word for it, better to describe what heโs hearing. What was it again? He almost has it; feels that stupid tip-of-the tongue bullshit he hates when trying to use big words. When he was in school, kids used to taunt him about not knowing a single word longer than three syllables, but he only ever needed to string โfuckโ and โoffโ together to get them to shut up. But heโs getting distracted โ the word. Itโs almost there โ
Itโs cacophonous. Theyโre a cacophony.
(Couldโve just said โshitty fucking musiciansโ and thatโd be an apt description, too.)
He bites back another seething remark when their drummer misses the same beat theyโve been missing all practice long; does the same when the bass twangs off-key. But when Yeji starts popping her gum into her microphone he knows itโs time to stop before his ire gets the best of him. Breathe in, breathe out slow. Never really got the point of calming mechanisms โ theyโve never really worked out in his favor โ but itโs better than nothing, at least.
โFuck it, weโre done today,โ gravel into the mic, gravel in the speakers. Itโs the familiar sound of a just concealed temper; a claw-toothed monster at the sharp edge of his restraint. Knife poised just right to tear into skin, but no blood yet. Not yet. โNot feeling it. Just โ just get out.โ
Heโs tampering with a worn string of his guitar, ever reluctant to let it go, when he hears that pop.
Women and their fucking ways.ย
โHow many goddamn fucking times have I told you, Yeji? I hate when you do that shit during practice. Be serious sometimes, for Christโs sake.โ Angerย โ itโs there, of course, as constant as his heartbeat and his love for her. Tiredness, too, in the way he reprimands her. Tiredness in the manner in which his shoulders gravitate to the floor, in the sigh that leaves black lungs.
โDonโt happen to have a dart, dโya?โ
(She tells him that he always smokes when heโs angry. And he smokes all the damn time. She tells him that heโs got to try something else; he tells her that this is his safest vice.)
1 โ @nyj20sโโ
