#nyctourists

GUEST: Ehhhh, parlez-vous Francais? CONCIERGE: No. I’m sorry. (Guest rolls her eyes. She and her friend shake their heads as if to say “of course not. Dumb American.”) CONCIERGE: I speak Spanish though. Habla Espanol? GUEST: Oh!  Uh... CONCIERGE: Sprechen sie Deutsch? GUEST: Ehhh… CONCIERGE: I Speak English, Spanish and German but no French. Italiano? GUEST: Ok. No, no. French. Merci.

(Guest sheepishly walks away. Concierge is relieved he was not called upon to fake speaking German or Italian, because he does not speak these languages.  He's equally relieved he didn't have a panfully stilted conversation in Spanish. Concierge can also spell some things in American Sign Language letters. Concierge is product of Texas Public School system.)

GUEST: We want your recommendation for best Mexican in city—upscale with great cocktails. CONCIERGE: (writing down locations) Well, my favorite places for upscale Mexican are Dos Caminos, Toloache, La Esquina, Rosa.. GUEST: No, no, no. We need them upscale. CONCIERGE: These are upscale. They’re not formal, but… GUEST: NO. WE DON’T WANT FORMAL. CONCIERGE: Right. GUEST: Is there nothing? CONCIERGE: I think that these will fit the bill. GUEST: Yeah, but we want something upscale and really delicious. CONCIERGE: You were here last night, right? GUEST: Yeah. CONCIERGE: You wanted a steakhouse? I made you a reservation, yeah? GUEST: Umm… yes. CONCIERGE: Oh, right. (Concierge recalls the guest arguing for 20 minutes about what makes a “good” steakhouse then didn't show up for the reservation which pissed off the restaurant.) CONCIERGE: You didn’t show up for the reservation. The restaurant called. GUEST: Ummm… CONCIERGE: You should go to Chevy’s. Fantastic place in the heart of Times Square. No reservations needed. Have a great night!

GUEST: I want a Chinese Restaurant for tonight. I'm seeing Lion King at 8pm so reservation at 4:45pm. CONCIERGE: Do you want it upscale or... GUEST: I DON'T CARE. I'll wear a suit and tie. CONCIERGE: Mr. K's is located... GUEST: I ain't walkin' far. CONCIERGE: Well, we don't have an upscale Chinese restaurant right near here, but... (Guest throws hands up in the air.) GUEST: SO WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? CONCIERGE: There's an Asian fusion... GUEST: Nah. I want Chinese. (Concierge inhales.) GUEST: I'm sorry. I'm not being rude. My saying is "Lord Jesus, help me be nice." (Guest grabs concierge's hands and prays.) GUEST: Lord Jesus, please help us and (mumbles). There. Now Lord Jesus is my personal savior. You? He is, right? (Beat) GUEST: YOU!? CONCIERGE: Um. Sure. GUEST: Great! Here's a Bible Verse to carry with ya. You're gonna get a kick outta that one!

#hoteljob

And here is the actual Bible Verse handed to me: