#nycthemerals

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved - Sasori has feelings way before he is even on the Third’s radar.

They get closer during the Third Shinobi War, when Sasori is more mature. Then, afterwards, Sasori uses his seat on the Council (passed down in the family; abandoned by Chiyo) to discreetly nominate himself to be the Kage’s personal assistant/advisor. He oversees the Third’s schedule; processes his mail and drafts replies; arranges lunch; makes sure the Third’s home is stocked with food; etc, etc. Good worker bee. Integrates himself into the Kazekage’s life.

He serves loyally for about five years (“the perfect puppet,” he likes to call himself), until the Third actually… flirts. Which Sasori never did. Because he didn’t know how to flirt. Um. Do they teach you to do this in training camp? No? Yikes. Well. He learns quickly.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? ) - Sasori already assumes they’re dating so there’s no need to ask the Third out. The Third is too busy, you know, ruling, to worry about courting a man that’s clearly in love with him.

where their first date was and what it was like - Sasori would tell you that their first date was when the Third took him on an impromptu tour of his Father’s tomb. The Third would say that it was three years later, when he looked over at his assistant, bored, and asked Sasori to accompany him on a walk. They ended up getting in an argument about this or that scholar, and go to the Kazekage’s personal library, looking for a particular passage of a book to settle the affair.

who proposes first - I don’t think they ever marry. Neither of them see a point in the ceremony, they can’t have children, and the Third has a reputation to maintain along the clerics. That said, the Third is one that makes the first move that is blatantly “romantic,” requesting that Sasori draw him, knowing what art means to the puppeteer.

where the proposal happens and how ( kiss cam at a baseball game? on a hillside surrounded by ducks? at a disney park? ) - See above. Once the line has been breached, Sasori starts asking that the Third model for him; they also spend more non-work time just generally in each other’s company.

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away - I headcanon that Suna doesn’t particularly care one way or another about same sex marriages … as long as the line is secured (which it is through cousin Rasa, thank god for him and Karura doing it like bunnies) no one cares who the Kazekage spends his days or nights with.

So, it’s not quite a secret, but Sasori would rather keep the Third to himself than let the “jealous little snakes” take what he’s earned.

The Third just prefers discretion. There’s really no need to tell the world what is his, but he may occasionally make sly digs about being romantically blessed to those who are less fortunate than he (i.e., the world).

if they adopt any pets together - No, Sasori has his human puppet collection which he tends to, not quite as numerous as canon as he has other things to focus on (micromanaging the village, tormenting Rasa, making sure the Third gets his tea on time), rather than carving up bodies… The Kazekage has quite a number of Sunan horses, however.

who’s more dominant - They both do this thing where they think they’re the one in charge… Even though they’re mostly equals. No...I’m in control, they tell themselves. (Idiots.)

where their first kiss was and what it was like - It was at the Kazekage’s estate. Sasori standing above the Third, reading some important documents over his shoulder, the Third looking up at him, admiring how the kohl sharpened his eyes and how his hair caught the candlelight… grabbing Sasori by the back of his neck and pulling down.

It stole Sasori’s breath away.

if they have any matching couples stuff ( mugs? sweaters? pillowcases? ) - Sasori goes into the Kazekage’s closet and makes sure to add accessories that allude to him--red scarves, arachnid patterns, etc. The Third doesn’t mind. Dressing himself is a bother. Actually he finds it a bit endearing.

how into pda they are - Sasori likes standing behind the Kazekage at a respectable distance, showing ownership. The Third knows full well that he does this. Occasionally he will drag Sasori behind a pillar for some alone time.

who holds the umbrella when it rains - It doesn’t rain in Suna. But occasionally they travel to other lands… And Sasori, being too short to hold it, gets a puppet instead.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable ) - in the Third’s bedroom with a small buffet of fancy foods personally selected by Sasori.

who’s more protective - Sasori is obsessive but it is the Third who will raze villages in the unlikely event that someone hurts him.

if they argue about anything - They bicker about philosophy but no serious arguments unless Sasori continues making human puppets against the Third’s direct orders.

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. ) - Neither, naturally, though the Third likes to play a game where he tries to make Sasori lose enough control to scratch trails down his back. If Sasori tells the Third to bite him, the Third would, just to make a point.

who steals whose clothes and how often - At this point I’m certain that Sasori steals clothes from all of his lovers, but for the Third it’s not often, less so when they get together, and even then only in the mornings before the sun heats up the sky. (The robes don’t fit him, which is annoying. They are not suitable for everyday life.)

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? ) - Facing each other, Sasori’s head in the Third’s chest. The Kazekage likes admiring him.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is - Sasori likes serving the Third tea, which he finds funny, because in my Suna offering tea is an innuendo for offering sex haha. He usually does this while gossiping about other politicians, Councilmen, etc., which the Kazekage finds useful and entertaining.

The Third likes taking walks with Sasori, especially in the desert ruins, where the Kazekage chatters on and on about long dead civilizations.

how long they stay mad at each other - The Third dismisses Sasori for a full month when the man fails to obey an order to his expectations. Sasori avoids him for two. Then the Third refuses to acknowledge him for another three. They’re both way too prideful.

if they ever split up and / or get back together - See above. The Third eventually corners Sasori, deciding he’s had enough, and the two hash it out.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are - Sasori gets thick, imported coffee. The Third has red tea, usually, but enjoys sampling foreign, expensive drinks.

if they ever have any children together - Nope.

if they have any special pet names for each other - Sasori calls the Third, “My Lord,” because he’s his, and a Lord. Third calls Sasori simply “mine”. Like it’s a fact.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? ) - Clean and pristine, how the Third prefers it. No clutter except for a pile of books they are currently reading, and loose art paper here and there. A lot of marble, open floor plan, low tables with cushions on top of a lush carpet? It’s nice.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like - Suna doesn’t celebrate either holiday in my headcanons, but there are plenty of festivals devoted to various gods, where the city swells with merchants and food vendors from all across the Land of Wind and sometimes other countries.

Sasori usually spends them at the Third’s side, doing various official ceremonies, religious rites, visiting temples, etc. No kissing babies please. it’s actually very exhausting for them both, but the Third enjoys observing so many people in one place, particularly so devoted to him. Humans are so interesting.

if they have any ‘couple traditions’ ( buying a new mug for their collection every year? baking every friday evening? ) - Once their relationship is a bit more established, they eat dinner together often, and feed each other on forks.

who’s the big spoon / little spoon - Sasori is reluctantly the small spoon if only because it’s convenient on cold desert nights.

What is more likely is that the Third ends up sprawled on top of him like an octopus, hair and limbs loose and everywhere.

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first - They both fall asleep and wake up at roughly the same time, as they keep the same schedule, but the Third has to get up first because his morning routine is more high maintenance.

who hogs the bathroom - They both hog the bathroom for makeup purposes but the Third spends more time on his appearance, adorning himself with gold and carefully applying kohl. Sasori finishes first and helps him with his hair because otherwise they will be late, damn it.

(The Third enjoys being pampered.)

who kills the spiders / takes them outside - the Third lazily asks Sasori to take them out. They aren’t worth killing, in his opinion.

...Sasori privately considers them very cool, and maybe takes a couple minutes so sketch them.

...The Third notices and gets Sasori a particularly rare one for his birthday; black, striped with gold, and very, very deadly.