#nutsgunray

Anakin Skywalker Playlist:

He has so much courage! Even if he butchers the heck out of a language he continues to speak it without an ounce of shame and I think that is key to learning a language.

And his English today was so pretty! I like his pauses as he gathers his thoughts and pieces them together coherently. And I love being able to understand what he says first-hand, and picking up on his tone and being able to match them to the body language. Ah, I’m so thankful and happy he continues to learn languages to get closer to his fans!

I wouldn’t be surprised if he learns Russian but I’d drool and have a mental breakdown if he chose Spanish instead like he once said he was going to. I still remember how absolutely perfect his Spanish was from the audio of the concert in Peru. And listening to him sing Des-paaa-ciito my heart just did somersaults in my chest!

Ohhhh! I’m afraid I must disagree. I think that that was a significant fear to Anakin for sure, but I also think that Anakin’s number one fear, that just kept getting worse and worse as he got older, was always fear of loss/abandonment.

How I’ve always headcanoned it as that Anakin used to watch slave auctions before Qui-Gon came, and he used to see mothers and children separated and it really freaked him out: The children and mothers crying out to each other, fighting to get to each other, and being forcibly restrained as they were dragged off to separate masters, and sometimes separate planets, possibly never to ever see each other again. When he and his mom were sold to Gardulla, Anakin was about three, and he remembers his mom making sure that Anakin was seen nursing still. (Extended breast-feeding actually used to be quite common before the Industrial Revolution IRL. Most kids start to self-wean around 3-4. In Victorian times, IIRC, maybe just before the Victorian age, in British culture most children were expected to nurse until two before they were weaned. So, yeah. It’s not actually that weird, but I digress.) That way, if they saw  Anakin was still “dependent” on his mother, it would reduce the chances of separation. Anakin never forgot that uncertainty and instability.

Then, when they were owned by Watto, things were a bit better, but Anakin was a more valuable slave to Watto than his mom. As such, Anakin always worried that if money got tight, Mom might get sold. This is when, I feel, Anakin began to take the burden of protecting his loved ones onto his own shoulders, because he was the gifted mechanic, and pod-racer, which meant it was on him to make sure Watto never need to sell his mom. 

So, Anakin leaves it all behind to go to Coruscant, and TPM happens, and Qui-Gon dies. Qui-Gon was the only person there, the only Jedi anyway, who actually gave a rip about him, and the man ups and dies, and now what? He’s left his mom, and he’s lost Qui-Gon. His fear is well on it’s way to being a complex. I dare say, the moment Obi-Wan showed any affection to Anakin, Anakin became clingy. He cannot lose another parental figure in his life. (Incidentally, I don’t think Obi-Wan saw himself as a father figure so much as an elder brother figure which I think is part of the Obi-Wan&Anakin tragedy.) 

So now he’s with the Jedi, and he’s always in the back of his mind wondering: How’s my mom? Is she okay? What if Watto sold her because money got tight? Will I be able to find her again if he has? What if her new master is really cruel? What if she’s dead and I don’t know it? No, no, I would feel that in the Force. I know I would! Wouldn’t I? Half the reason Anakin freaks out the way he did in AoTC when his Mom dies is because it is an outward manifestation of his own self-loathing. For Anakin, it is not a parent’s job to protect their child, it is on both the child and the parent to protect each other, and he failed. 

We all know what happens after that. Ultimately though, I think Anakin has always been deeply afraid of loss, and that is his biggest fear which continually grows bigger, (which is, frankly, more the fault of the Jedi than anything IMHO. They never do anything to help his poor mental health, and emotional state.) This is hinted at in TPM, when Yoda asks Anakin if he’s afraid to lose his mother.

Yes! Butonly on a really subconscious level. I mean, not wanting to go back to such a traumatic situation would definitely be on Anakin’s mind but Anakin was all about that e “fakeit until you make it” mentality (thanks, Jedi Order). From the moment he was “accepted”by the Jedi he was told his past didn’t matter, that he had to let go and “getover it”. So he pretended he did. He buried it all. He stopped talking about itand eventually, thinking about it. If he was still afraind of becoming a slavethen he couldn’t be the strong Jedi everyone expected him to be. No one thoughthim it was possible to be both, so he picked the one he could live with.

When he wasabout 13 he captured and sold into slavery again to work in a spice mine:

[Anakin]had heard tales of the spice mines and the mortality rate of the workers there.He knew how dreams of escape would color his days. He knew how one gray daywould follow one gray day, where he would not lift his head but keep it bowedto work. He knew that the dull drudgery of his days would fill his soul untilthe dreams of escape flattened into a haze of numbing routine. He thought hehad faced his worst fear in the caveon Ilum. He had not. He realized now that he had just begun to taste it. [JudeWatson’s Path to Truth]

Obi-Wan waslooking for him. That [Anakin] knew. He was also confident that his Masterwould find him. But how long would it take? How much of him would be chipped away before it happened? Swallowingrage and fear did not fill up his empty belly, but it made him worry aboutlosing his Jedi detachment. [Jude Watson’s Path to Truth]

He wastrembling with rage. He knew suddenly that he could not wait for Obi-Wan torescue him. If he didn’t try to escape,something essential in him would die. Krayn would win. He saw the battleclearly and personally. It was him or Krayn. [Jude Watson’s Path to Truth]

And when hewas older he would resent anyone or anything who tried to usurp his freedom(ironic, right?) even a ship’s autopilot:

Which meantthe only thing left for them to do now was wait until their ship made it safelyto ground in Lanteeb’s spaceport. Hehated this part. Hated losing control, being at the mercy of someone else’swhims. That was slavery’s enduring legacy. He knew he’d go to his graveresentful of any being who tried to usurp his independence. I will never be aslave again. Obi-Wan patted his shoulder in passing. “Never mind, Anakin. It’s not for long.” Trust Obi-Wan to know what he was feeling. [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

I stopped going on BBU a long time ago since the site is mainly a GD worship site and the other members are minor characters that make an appearance. I remember someone once pointed out that for every little thing GD did, he got a new article posted. But the other members would get a single post that included everything they did that day or month. In this way when you logged into the site there’d be ten GD posts with lots of comments and a single post for another member with 3 comments even though both members were active in many different things.

Also at BBU the fans of the hyungs would censor Seungri fans and would invalidate their feelings and opinions, and I don’t allow anyone to do that to me. So I stopped going there and spared myself from the blind worshiping. My cousin stayed for a while though, arguing and fighting with fake OT5 stans and I swear it aged her ten years. 

Consider it done <3

**nods**  Planet Minions R Us is in the same orbit as Planet Destiehell.