May 9, 2019
Day 5: Cursed
Cursed ship gets cursed art
@rvbrarepairweek
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Day 5: Cursed
Cursed ship gets cursed art
@rvbrarepairweek
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Felix: Do you know what I am, Donut? Do you have any idea what I do?
Donut: FINALLY. MY TWILIGHT FANTASIES HAVE COME TRUE. TAKE ME NOW.
Felix: WHAT? NO. WHAT THE FUCK I'M A MERCENARY NOT A FUCKING SPARKLING CIDER TWINK.
Between Grif dating Locus and Donut dating Felix, I feel like Simmons would feel this invisible pressure from Sarge to try and seduce Sharkface. I mean, they now have TWO orange bastards on their team (despite Felix’s gripes that he is in no way in Hell associated with them, or that he even likes Donut at all....He DOESN’T. He’ll kill them all after he’s done with Donut’s wine and cheese hour, because fuck, he’s not missing out on free wine. Look, Donut knows how to get that good shit, okay?!) and Locus, who is big and tough and a valuable member of the team, but he’s green and green is MUCH closer to blue than red.
And since Sharkface is the only guy out of the bunch who actually had red armor, Simmons can’t help but feel that pressure. Especially when Sarge starts slipping shark books under his mattress as if they were porn magazines or suggesting that he sit down and watch The Shape of Water. He’s not an actual fish, Sarge, please stop this...Simmons is suffering.
Remember that brief ship Nutlix and how it was the fucking funniest ship because Felix goes for of all people Donut? And the name gave you an indication of how shitpost worthy it is?
I do.
So is Felix the twink while Donut is the twunk in Nutlix?
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Imagine Sarge stopping Felix for a moment before he goes to join Donut, and Felix is just rolling his eyes like “Oh, great, here we go. That whole ‘if you break my boy’s heart, I’m gonna shoot you in the dick’ bullshit talk. Felix expected it, dreaded it, and was overall bored with the idea of it because he knows he could take out Sarge and his threats would be empty and therefore just a waste of Felix’s time.
But instead Sarge pulls him close, lowers his voice and says “So how much would it cost for you to shoot Grif? Money’s no object here, son, name your price.”
Of course Locus appears next to him out of nowhere like “Don’t even try it”, which upsets Felix. Come on, Locus, he wasn’t actually expecting Sarge to want to PAY HIM for such an easy job! Don’t be such a spoil sport, you can get another boyfriend, there’s plenty across the canyon to choose from! Caboose would probably date you!
In the end, Locus wins the argument and both Sarge and Felix are extremely bitter.
Felix has enough and tries to kill Donut via strangling, and Donut goes "oOOOooO, Kinky~~! Love your style!"
Felix is SO MAD because this son of a bitch taking all the fun out of killing by 1) NOT FUCKING DYING and 2) ENJOYING IT
Also for some fucking reason, he’s actually a little into it, which pisses him off even more.
NUTLIX HOLY SHIT I'M LAUGHING
I WANT TO SHIP IT JUST BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKIGN NAM E........