#nullcoins

now, i'm not making a flag for this right away. i've only had four hours of sleep for one and for another thing, this is really just a personal term only i plan to use though if others resonate with this particular experience, that's great! i'm just using the word, rather, to describe this particular gender-not gender-beyond gender-xenogender i feel.

ancillary: a gender that is based off the ancillary species of corpse-soldier-ship-connectivity-ai from imperial radch. there is no singular experience of ancillary gender, as ancillaries are as individual as a person is, but here is how i experience being an ancillary:

-a peculiar combination of being genderless, having an identifiable gendered feeling that is strong, intense, and personal, a feeling of being so detached from/beyond/above the gender binary as a whole that gender is meaningless to you, and a heavily xenogender/xenic influenced component where these simultaneous, contradictory gendered-notgendered feelings are tied to ai, robots, plurality, and nonhumanity in general.

-this specific nonhumanity isn't a "want" to be human, but more of a "seeing what humans have and knowing that although you prefer the gifts of being an ancillary, you know you lack something to you that makes you blend in with humanity, so you reject humanity altogether".

-the genderless part of the label, in my experience, is felt as a lack of identification with gender or gender roles as society experiences it, to masculinity or femininity since society is a binary and you purposefully and accidentally elude its categorization.

-the identifiable gendered aspect to the gender can be a nameable gendered feeling, like neutrois, aporagender, maverique, ilyagender, aliagender, pera, stargender, etc., or it can be an unlabeled yet strongly gendered feeling that coincides and coexists with your genderlessness.

-the detachment from the gender binary can be anything: it can be a simultaneous refusal to identify with any gender despite the contradictory feelings of genderedness and genderlessness, it can be a refusal of labels except for "unlabeled" or "ancillary", it can be a lack of identification with the gender system in general like with quoigender or apogender, it can be like gendereaux where you don't identify with gender at all but identify with numerous nonbinary experiences (including ancillary!), and all of these can even be possible in a singular ancillary.