#nte14

The seminars have been a huge eye-opener for me, and it's given me a new perspective on the person of God (and in relation to myself). {Considering Psa. 90, Psa. 8, Gen. 3:1-13, Eph. 4:17-19} I am not a good person - I am not worthy nor deserving of salvation, and there is nothing I can do to earn it. As humans, our natural state of being is hostility towards God. We are flawed beings, but God chose to reconcile us to Himself, anyway, through Jesus - in an act of insane grace.  We are all mere specks of dust, and to dust we shall return - and yet, God gives us dominion over His creation. If the Sun was the size of a beach ball, then Earth would be around the size of a marble. And on that marble would be us puny human beings. Actual specks of dust. It is not as if we give ants the time of day! Who are we, that God should care for us? In light of that, isn't it ridiculous for me to try and be in control of everything? It is silly, pointless, futile.  How great is our God. How majestic is His name in all the earth!

It's such a novelty waking up before the world, watching the cogs of sleepy society begin to turn as the sky fills with light. Hard conversations were had today, and uncomfortable truths revealed. God convicted me of my distrust and pride - at the root of my anxiety is sin. I had allowed it to fester, unaware, for too long. It feels like He has cut me open and removed a tumour, which I should be rejoicing about, though it hurts. It's easy enough to pray, 'LORD, please make me holy', but another thing to live it out. I'm grateful for brothers and sisters who don't stand by idly and watch me dig my grave, but who are looking out for me, and willing to have those difficult conversations when necessary.    I've never had to function on two hours' sleep before, but God is constantly reminding me of Philippians 4:13 - with Him, nothing is impossible! One thing that struck me today in Strand groups: Prayer is essential in reading the Bible, as it is God who grants wisdom, and allows us to understand His Word. His Word is powerful, and is able to change hearts. It is not merely a book - His Word speaks for itself.