#npcalert

For Those Who Might Need a Reality Check Before Speaking, Breeding, or Operating Heavy Machinery

Look, if you’re unsure whether you’re a fcking retard, chances are high that you are. But just in case you need **a detailed, no-fcks-given diagnostic tool,** here’s a checklist to confirm whether you belong in the “helmet-wearing, window-licking, should-have-been-left-in-the-condom” category.

🛑 GENERAL INTELLIGENCE CHECK

✔️ You think emotions override facts. – If your feelings dictate reality, congratulations—you’re a fcking idiot. ✔️ You can’t explain your own opinions. – If you just parrot sht without understanding why you believe it, you’re officially a biological NPC. ✔️ You react instead of thinking. – If someone disagrees and your response is rage instead of logic, your brain is running on fumes and Tumblr discourse. ✔️ You refuse to learn from mistakes. – If you fck up, blame everyone else, and repeat the cycle? Enjoy your Darwin Award nomination. ✔️ You rely on buzzwords instead of arguments. – If you use words like “problematic,” “gaslighting,” or “privilege” without knowing what the fck they mean, shut up.

🚨 LIFE FUNCTIONALITY TEST

✔️ You can’t cook a basic meal. – If you need DoorDash to survive, you’re one internet outage away from starving like an 18th-century peasant. ✔️ You think credit cards = free money. – If you swipe without thinking and cry when bills show up, your IQ is lower than your credit score. ✔️ You believe in “manifestation.” – If you think dreaming hard enough makes things happen, then congratulations—you're a delusional broke b*tch. ✔️ You don’t know how to change a tire. – If your first instinct is to call a man instead of figuring it out, you deserve roadside Darwinism. ✔️ You still type like a middle schooler. – If you're over 18 and still texting “u” instead of “you,” stop. Just f*cking stop.

💀 SOCIAL AWARENESS TEST

✔️ You think “Agree with me or you’re a bigot” is an argument. – If your debate skills amount to throwing labels instead of logic, your brain is on government assistance. ✔️ You scream “misogyny” when rejected. – If men have a right to say no too, and your ego can’t handle that, get f*cking help. ✔️ You act like a victim but start sh*t. – If you throw a punch but cry when you get hit back, your IQ is lower than your backbone. ✔️ You think all opinions deserve respect. – Nope. If your opinion is objectively dumb as f*ck, it deserves mockery, not respect. ✔️ You demand tolerance but offer none. – If you can’t handle people living differently than you do, you’re just a d*ck with a victim complex.

🤡 COMMON “I’M A F*CKING RETARD” STATEMENTS

“I don’t need facts, I have feelings.” → Congratulations, you’re a toddler.

“If you disagree with me, you’re evil.” → Nope, you’re just a f*cking idiot.

“Men and women are the same.” → Biology disagrees, and so does your body when you need a jar opened.

“Money doesn’t matter, just do what you love!” → B*tch, rent is due.

“I can’t believe they expect me to work 40 hours a week.” → Yes, welcome to f*cking adulthood.

🚀 FINAL VERDICT: IF YOU CHECKED 5 OR MORE

Stay away from decision-making positions.

Avoid procreation, for the sake of humanity.

Read a f*cking book before speaking.

Life is hard enough without morons multiplying. Do better.