#np:

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Well, it's been a while after we meet again coincidently. Or.. must I say that blessing day? I'm so grateful that we met after a long time. Even did some conversation without feeling awkward at all. I didn't expected it happen. But it did and I've been blessed.

Thank's God.

I just.. miss him more after that meeting. I turn into mess and start blaming myself for being unresponsible at my promise. Again, worry too much if this strong feeling will become a burden to his way somehow.

I must admit it to release all the tense I have these days. I'm trying hard to surpress my feeling, cause I know we are not meant to be. But, it's hard to the extend I'm going to hate myself again. So, I decided to confess it here. About me missing him and still thinking about him even more day by day.

Knowing that we are in the same place make me wonder if universe want to let us meet again? Someday soon? Or someday in the future? Hahaha. I feel relieved now so I will end it here.

You're doing great for this confession, dear. Please calm and cheer's up again.

45/365

09.53 am

It's not necessary, after all.

It just make the person doesn't wake up even more because he's upset. Think about this, we still sleeping, so our soul still wandering around, maybe in dreamy place or in a deep sleep. Then suddenly, there's scream out loud. What the... right? 😌😌

I still upset when remember how annoying I am to wake up because of it.

Please be kind. No matter what you do, no matter how you feel that moment.

Waking someone up in a good way is not difficult. Just calling his/her name in a soft tone and slightly tap his/her hand continously.

I do it all the times to my siblings and it did worked. They wake up and respond me well, sometimes I get smile right away. It make a great morning then. See, how wonderful it is. Oh, I feel flutter after remember that scene. 😊😊

Well, if you happen to read my babbling right here...

Thanks & Have a Good Day.

33/365

07.39 am

“PEREMPUAN”

Well, aku punya kebiasaan buruk menjelang kedatangan tamu tiap bulan, orang-orang biasa menyebut ini “efek pms”. Tapi aku aslinya emang mood-ian, sensitif, gampang tersinggung dan mudah merajuk. Hahahaha. Persis anak kecil kan? Ck. Lama aku bisa terima kalau aku punya sifat yang gak keren kayak gitu.

Kalau udah di fase itu, meski udah mencoba menenangkan diri sekuat tenaga, walau berkali-kali bilang sendiri agar lebih bijak dan dewasa, berusaha tenang dan tak terpancing marah, aku masih saja kalah. Semua hal akan jadi salah aja kelihatannya, entah itu orang ataupun benda-benda di sekitar.

Selanjutnya, aku bakalan berubah jadi anak yang menyebalkan. Aku akan ketus menjawab sapa ataupun tanya dari orang-orang dan tak terlalu peduli sekitar. Biasanya, mereka yang di rumah otomatis menghindariku. Setelah (mungkin) mencoba mendekatiku dengan ledekan aku si tukang merajuk sambil tertawa, tak satupun dari mereka berusaha menyapaku.

Ya iyalah, muka udah rata tanpa ekspresi kayak gitu siapa yang berani mbk? Wkwk. Yaah, namanya juga perempuan. Ingat kalimat ini, “Kalau cewek lagi pms tersandung batu, batunya yang salah.”?

Itu benar. Hahahahahha.

Terus ada lagi, “Mesti maklum kalau cewek lagi pms: ‘pra ms’, 'pas ms’, dan pasca ms’. Artinya, ya setiap hari.”

I said, sincerely this time.

I spend my time to reorganize all the files in my old hardisk that relive by my brother. It's fun and nostalgic. I can't stop smiling when explore all of it. It's precious, really. The memory and the feeling at the moment. I still mesmerized till now.

Too many files (Photos, Video, Drama & Anime Collection, Data, etc) in there. I must delete some of them if I don't want to make the hardisk suffer and error like the last time.

But, it's always hard to letting go, right?

No matter what it is. 😂😂

I keep thinking back and forth about what must I delete. Wkwkwk, I will spending all night to finish it. *Rip my sleep schedule*

I've been holding on to you for a long time. I still struggle to get you out from my mind, from my heart. But, I truly loved you, so I must letting you go... completely.

The times we had together, I admit that I can't forget it. Therefore, I will remember all of it as my precious memory.

39/365

11.37 pm

Persis sederet kalimat itu yang menjadi responnya saat ditanya perihal kecewa dan sakit hati yang tak kunjung usai. Klise memang, tapi aku harus setuju karena detik ini memang belum bisa. Memaafkan itu begitu mulia, itulah kenapa sulit bahkan lama untuk sungguh-sungguh melakukannya.

Meski begitu, tetap saja sedih yang akhirnya bersemayam. Pertanyaan 'harus sampai kapan' mulai mengambil alih pikiran, turut pula hati yang tak kunjung tenang. Melelahkan.

Well, I try to. But I know it's not easy. So, I won't stop and keep trying to forgive... Everything. Include myself.

29/365

11.26 pm

My feeling is okay. I do my work peacefully. And everything go on like usually they do.

Ah, suddenly remember something's funny about my conversation with my sister just now.

It's about friendship or relationship.

Since she is in the new environment right now, we are talking about the people around her. And this issue always coming up. About how we can't communicate well with new people. People who first meet us usually say we are so silent. Nothing really out from our mouth at all. Just answer when asked and give enough respond when someone else telling something.

"You must be open first dear, people can't reach or approach us if we are not open first." I said while laughing hard.

That is fact about our family.

All of us are kind like that. Even when people say they are really close to us, I can't guarantee if we feel the same. But we do accept and believe them sincerely, but at the same time still using our "transparant wall" around us. It's just our way to protect ourselves from... anything.

So, just don't afraid to approach when you know us. "We are not eating human, anyway". Wkwkkwk, ✌✌

Right, almost forget..

Happy anniversary Mom, Dad.

I'm not really cherish this kind of celebration, but just please.. be truly happy.

19/365

10.50 pm

Alhmdulillah.

Proud of you, me.

Thank you for being so brave and not running away. You did a good work for learning so hard to cover all the mistake. You are great. Keep humble and keep learning, just don't stop or feeling scare that you're not good enough. You deserve everything cause you always working hard. I love you.

15/365

4.21 pm