#nowselfdestruct

do you ever wanna just,, fucking die..?., like just evaporate into the atmosphere…… not be here in this plane of existence?? , well me too

i go to the gym and use the elliptical for 30 mins. my mom asked me how long i ran for, and i told her. she scoffs and says “thats it?” …its a fucking mystery why i have disordered eating, depression, anxiety, tendency to self harm, and suicidal thoughts when comments like these eat away at my self image and mental health. for the past two years my body image has still sucked, it still feel guilty after eating, and i still binge sometimes. but i started going to the gym abt once a week. i might be overweight now but tbh i think thats better than literally starving myself and over exercising to the point of passing out and losing 20 pounds in a month. lol and they thought i was so healthy back then, going on runs and drinking lots of water. little did they know that when they werent home id run laps around our backyard until i couldnt see and id stand over the toiler trying to make myself throw up the, say, 500 calories i ate that day. my mindset mightve gotten slightly better but id say its still so fucked up. it just doesnt look like it bc im so fucking fat