Before I tell this, ask yourself? Am I a liar? How many times have I lied to my friends? My family? And to Myself? 

Because this is based from my events. 

I am a liar

A big fat liar. 

I make up stories to tell people of how an awesome life I have. To tell people that hey, I can be what you can be and that’s Horrible of me. Very horrible of me. Call me a horrible person but yes I am. 

Honestly, I dont deserve anyone. I dont deserve my family, my friends and myself. I am a lying machine. I wont exactly tell what were the things I lied about but here is the story. 

I am 16 and I havent went outside of the house even once, I havent “commuted” by myself or went to the mall to bond with my friends. But here is the thing. I WANT TO GO OUT, But my parents dont want to. 

So what is the effect on me? I make up stories that I did the most spontaneous things and that I am so big on things. I dont want this but insecurity posses me and make up my words, make up my actions. 

I am insecure. 

I envy my classmates and friends who get to go out, even just once for awhile,I want to feel the feeling of going out with friends, I want to feel free. That now that i am atleast 16, the least they could do is grant me puny freedom. 

That is what all I ask for. I want something amazing to happen to my life because I dont know. What am I to tell people? That “Hey, did you know, the ceiling of my house turned green today?” 

I envy everyone. I ENVY YOU.

I envy your freedom. 

I dont even have freedom of speech anymore. I cant have it in this house. 

And you know what I want to do now? 

I want to change myself. 

I WANT TO CHANGE. 

I want to be someone I am. I want to be someone and not a liar. Not a person who is a lying, betraying freak. I dont want envy and I will change. I will. 

Because it affects everyone. It affects the people I love and I dont like that. I dont want them to feel disappointed of me. I dont want them to feel sad.