Let’s attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...

Photo credit: Rebecca Wilhite Photography

When our first born was 15 months old, my family traveled to the Dominican Republic on an extended family vacation with my parents and sister. At that time, children could travel with both parents with an official raised seal United States birth certificate and didn’t need a passport. As a first time parent, I was naive enough to trust this process and off we went. We entered the Dominican Republic with no problems, a bienvenidos and a smile. We spent 7 nights enjoying the picturesque waters and beaches of the island, while also visiting family and friends. To our surprise, at the end of our trip as were going through customs and immigration in Santo Domingo, we (my husband, baby girl and I) were separated from my parents and sister and brought into the back room. After several minutes of complete silence, agents looking at our passports, plane tickets and her birth certificate while whispering to each other in Spanish, we were called to the desk. It turns out that the custom agent whom check us into the country stamped the adult’s passports and inadvertently didn’t stamp our daughter’s birth certificate. Thus, there was no record of her entering the island and we basically looked like child traffickers. Here we were, young law abiding American Citizen parents stuck in limbo in the holding area with no idea how to get out of this predicament.

Our story had a happy ending for many reasons

First, I am a Dominican born United States citizen and was traveling with a U.S. born U. S. citizen husband who also happened to be an M. D. Why does this matter you may ask? I’m fluent in Spanish and could understand all of the speculations being made by the officers. I could also advocate for our family fluently in their native language without needed U.S. embassy involvement. Dominicans are known to value and respect education and titles. Having my husband be a doctor may have actually helped them believe me and added credibility to our side of the story. Having licensiado and doctor in front of your name goes a long way in Latin American culture. 

Secondly, I am obsessive with documenting our children's lives and had a lot more time to do so with just one child. As a result, I was able to produce pictures on my phone and camera from her birth, first year of life and our family vacation on the island. I even had pictures of her on the plane and as we entered the customs area a week prior. Phew! By the grace of God, we dodged that bullet, but the scars have stayed with me.

Lastly, as a Dominican American who’s traveled in and out of both countries extensively, I had an insider’s view of both cultures. I was able to navigate and use that to our advantage and this resulted in us leaving many other people behind in that holding room and not even missing our flight. Others are not so lucky. 

The lack of empathy and dehumanization of immigrants is troubling and hurtful. Our family’s immigration story is the epitome of the American Dream, on the surface at least. My mother is a college educated Dominican whom actually taught English in the Dominican Republic prior to our family immigrating to the United States in the early 80′s. This did not protect us from the trauma and pain associated with any immigrant story. My parent’s decision to move to the United States was made in order to provide their children with educational opportunities. What started off as an idealistic and financially tasking undertaking, turned out to be one of the most traumatic experiences of our family’s lives. It has shaped my passion for social justice and the disenfranchised. 

My father traveled to the United States first (once our papers were granted) in order to secure a job and set up a place for us to live prior to my mother traveling with the three kids. My mother unexpectedly got a call that my father had been detained and held while attempting to enter the United States. She had to immediately leave her teaching job, home and three children behind in order to clear my father. Why? My mother had been sponsored by her eldest sister and she had in turn sponsored my father and us. She was not aware that because her name was the primary on my father’s residence card (green card), he couldn’t legally enter the United States for the first time without her. I was the youngest of their three kids at that time and though only four years old, I remember the confusion, sadness and pain associated with that experience. It’s for this reason that I cannot stomach watching videos and images of children being separated from their parents. What if this was your story? What if what you’re leaving was that difficult that you were willing to risk death to leave it? How do we decide whose life has value and whose children to protect? 

In order to protect my extended family’s privacy, I will leave out the details of much of the pain and trials that we’ve experienced in our adventures in the United States. All of us are now Naturalized United States Citizens. My father passed his immigration test at the age of 70. My parent’s “American Dream” became a reality, as all three of their children have college or masters degrees, however that “dream” came at a cost. My passion around #notwithoutmychildren comes from a place of deep personal pain associated with immigration and time away from my parents as a result. 

My personal life experiences as well of those of my extended family and friends still make me slightly distrustful of the “system” that is suppose to protect us. I treat our family’s passport like treasures. I never let them expire and don’t leave the country by air, land or sea without them. I also when solo traveling with my children, travel with a letter from my husband stating that he’s aware that I’m leaving the country. I’d rather be safe (slightly paranoid) than sorry, when it comes to spending one night of my life away from my children. 

Where do we go from here?

Are you struggling with understanding, processing and responding to what’s going on with families? These are resources that I’ve used with my family to discuss and attempt to understand how we got here and where we stand on this issue. Also, I challenge you to turn off the news and attempt to interact with real people in real life on this issue. Do you know any immigrants of color? Have you broken bread with them? Have you heard their story from their own mouths? If you don’t know any immigrants of color, I’m willing to share some of mine. Here’s my cousin Lorena’s story. Read it, process it and take a step forward in better understanding people’s experiences. This blog post has been in draft form for over two weeks. Why? This stuff is painful. It brings up old hurts and creates triggers like no other experiences in my entire life. I’m letting you into a very personal part of my history in hopes that hearts will be moved and we can move toward empathy and love. Choose love. 

Additional resources:

This is a great resource that can be used to discuss the current events with our children in a manner that protects them and their sensitive hearts. We don't watch the news and I personally can't stomach watching the videos or images on this issue. My focus has to be on raising our children to be different, and looking for ways to advocate for those with no voice. 

One of the challenges that I believe many of us have in regards to engaging on this topic is lack of understanding of our country’s history. Dr. Kira Banks did a great job putting together a video outlining our history and sharing ways to help us makes better understand what is going on.

I will continue to update this blog post with additional resources that I’m using to make sense of what’s going around us.

History doesn’t have to repeat itself...

What are you doing to have your voice heard in this matter? 

Let’s start by sharing our stories. 

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THE BEST WAY TO HELP IMMIGRANTS AND REFUGEES WHO HAVE BEEN ARRESTED/DETAINED

”Immigration advocates have noted one sure-fire way to help people separated from their children: Posting their bail. This is one of the fastest ways to reunite immigrants with their family,” said Pilar Weiss, project director at the National Bail Fund Network said.

This is true for undocumented people who have been detained by ICE across the whole Country, including in my home state of CT.

Here are two organizations that can help:

National group

Connecticut Group: http://www.ctbailfund.org/

About Ruth: I’m a wife and mami of 4 active and globe-trotting kiddos. I’ve always loved a good adventure and truly believe that it’s possible to travel with kids. Join me, as I share our adventures and inspire you to get out of the house with your kiddos. Whether you’re planning a family vacation, a road trip or a trip of a lifetime to an exotic destination, I’ll share insights, trip reports and information that will inspire you. Check back often to stay up to date on things to do with kids at your next travel destination.