#notshadows

“I get carried away by every emotion I have.” 

“Being in school is disastrous for my mental health. We’re never taught that mental health is a priority just as much as physical health, so I often find myself pushing too far, and stretching myself thin just to meet some due dates. I think I’m done with that though. I’m making a resolution to care about myself more, because if I don’t do it, who will?” 

"The toughest part of my mental illnesses is dealing with the loss. I feel like I missed out on a lot. I feel like I substituted my adolescence with a decade of self hate and I have the scars to show for it. There are some things I have lost that I can never get back, but I think that's why I'm trying so hard now to accept the things about myself that are childish, vain, and wholeheartedly me."

“It’s honestly really surprising to me that I’ve made it this far, because looking back, I never thought I would be alive at this point in my life. It seems that every time I come to terms with one of my demons, another one pops up. One abusive friendship to another. Depression, anxiety, self-harm, planning my suicide. An eating disorder that still isn’t entirely gone. Post-traumatic stress disorder. Coming home to a homophobic, transphobic family that pretends my mental illnesses don’t exist. I guess I’ve been through a lot. Things have gotten better than they were. I’ve been clean for a while. I can get in cars without having a breakdown. I’ve accepted my sexuality. Sometimes I get urges though, to go back to the bad things. Sometimes I wish I’d gone through with it. Overall I think I’m glad I’m alive. I just don’t want to be barely hanging on for the rest of my life. I want to be able to live with myself, without hatred, and know that I made it. Odds be damned, for whatever reason, I’m here and it looks like I’m staying for a while.”

"Having a mental illness is not ‘tragically beautiful.’’ For me, it has been a lot of self-doubt, uncontrollable anger, and feeling like the world has gone dark around me. I either feel every emotion possible or empty of them all. The worse I get, the more I want to ask for help, but the less I feel able to. I have depression and severe anxiety, which some think can be ‘cured’ with more sunshine or extra exposure to the stimulus, respectively. But honestly, that's just not the case."