Please feel free to read(and share) this story/confessional that I have written. Yes, I am the original owner(dino-trash1) Please enjoy!
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Trigger Warning!
This is about depression and what my depression is like in my head. Please do not read if this will trigger you or your depression or other mental illness.
Title: Him
Author: J the Dino
I can't concentrate. The sadness has taken over all of my basic functions. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I donāt know what to do. It's hard to consider it real, it feels like I'm in a fog that never clears. But when someone else is around, I have to hide the fog. It's just a natural response, āHide what's wrong with you, donāt let them see!ā I've heard people ask what it's like to be sad or ādepressedā. Some people describe it as a fog or a nothingness feeling, some canāt even describe it. For me, it can be described as a fog or darkness, in my mind I can see when he comes, he moves around me slowly and waits for an opportunity to attack. Once he attacks, I'm under his control. I remember in the 10th grade sitting in a chair not being able to move, I couldnāt even talk to my sister who was trying to continue talking to me. I heard her, I understood her, I just completely lost control over being able to move or speak. At times like these, itās hard to actually be happy, when my family or friends see me, I look normal. He lets me interact and talk normally to people I love, but he always lets me know he's watching. That's why I canāt get help, heāll attack when he hears words he doesnāt like. Heās such a horrible creature that won't leave my head, I used to think he left, but itās almost like he was just in hibernation. But ultimately, he will win. He knows what he's doing as if heās done this before. Heās told me that no one can save me. Heās left me wondering why I'm still here if he has control, he doesn't let me think too hard about this but when I get to, I think heās left me here to keep control as if he craves having control over me. He doesnāt want anything bad to happen, he just wants control. I wish I understood more about this. If I did then I would know why I'm not allowed to talk with new people without thinking they hate me. Maybe if I knew more about this, I would be able to tell people and help others. I heard that it's not just me, other family members of mine have the darkness. I wish I knew what their darkness is like, it seems quite like mine since none of them talk about it except one. But Iām not allowed to think too much about her, I think he's scared Ill figure it out.Ā When he leaves, I sometimes think of what life would have been like if he didnāt find me. Maybe I would be happy, good at studying, maybe I would have plenty of friends, a boyfriend, a good life. Sometimes I wonder why he lets me think of what my life could be, I've come to the conclusion that its a form of torture; letting me think of something I will never be able to have. The worst part about all of this is that my family doesnāt know, they think I'm happy and a normal person. I canāt blame it on them that they donāt know, it's not their fault. Even when I'm fine, I'm notā¦
Authors message: I hope all of you enjoy, this āshort storyā/confession is based on real events that go on in my head. It is very vulnerable which is why I am uploading anonymously, maybe one day Iāll figure my head out and be able to upload with my real name. Until then, I hope everyone can enjoy what I wrote. I know Iām not a professional writer by any means but I hope this will maybe help someone. I would also like to say if you are someone that has experienced or continues to experience depression, Anorexia, Bulimia, BED, or any other mental Illness; please know that I am here, I would love to help no matter what the situation is. If you donāt feel comfy talking with me, go to a teacher, parent, family member or trusted adult. If you need a phone number to call someone, please know there are phone numbers for everything, most are anonymous. Please feel free to ask me for one if you don't feel comfy looking one up. I hope you're all okay. :-)









