So I’ve been on a fairly long hiatus.

Just when you think life can’t get any more difficult to navigate, you sometimes get thrown a curve ball without any warning.

I know you can all relate. Different reasons but we are all given these tests throughout our life.

As Jon would say, “Life ain’t a merry go round, it’s a roller coaster...”

So my roller coaster took a dive about two weeks before my vacation in November when my Mom caught the flu from her caregiver who thought it was okay to come to work with an elderly person who has a compromised immunity system. Within a couple of days Mom was sick enough to have to be sent to the hospital against her loud protests, where they advised us the infection had worked fast and would have killed her if left much longer.

It was a wake up call.

Her dementia had been increasing for awhile and we knew her mobility was decreasing at a fairly quick pace. Her caregivers were struggling with assisting her during everyday tasks. (Note: Stay fit girls. Exercise and watching your weight may mean the difference between being able to dance to your Bon Jovi tunes in later years or being stuck bedridden hoping someone will even turn your stereo on for you. ) My family and I had been faced with the possibility she might have to go to a facility but I had been hanging onto hope that we could keep her home for at least one more Christmas.

Due to this near death experience my family and I had to make the hard decision to seek out care for my Mom in a Care Facility where they could better meet her needs. I won’t lie. This has been a horrific journey. It’s the worst decision I have ever had to make in my life.  I struggle with guilt everyday. I truly had thought I could keep my Mom at home until the end of her life and I have great difficulty dealing with the emotions resulting from my failure to do so.

To be fair, it is a pretty good facility. The caregivers are kind but overworked. The sad reality I discovered when seeking out care was that when a person reaches the stage my Mom is at, there is not many options. It wasn’t even based on how much money we had to spend because she has a fair amount and I was willing to spend it all on her. Sadly, the “fancy” facilities are not available to people requiring round the clock nursing care. It has been explained to us repeatedly, that we were very lucky to get her into a government run facility because in the private facilities there is a lot less monitoring and they are less likely to meet the standards a government facility is held to. It is also close to home. We had been warned she could have been placed a very long distance away and the closest private care facility that I could find that would take her was almost a 40 minute commute from our home. So I guess we are lucky that it is a five minute drive or 15 minute walk allowing us to visit frequently if not daily.

But it is not home. Far from it. Mom has been very good about the whole thing. Much better than I could ever have imagined. She is still lucid enough to have recognized that the in home caregivers could not continue to meet her increasing needs. Since my brother, family and I visit a lot it has lessened the blow. However, the indignities of being washed and diapered by men will never get easier. It breaks my heart for her. A modest woman who only ever slept with one man, now forced to allow strangers who are men, take care of her most personal needs. I could cry just thinking about how brave she is.

So this has been a very hard adjustment for us all. My days now start at 4:30a.m. I try to get the housework done that I used to do after work and gather up anything I need to take to my Mom during our visit in the afternoon. If I’m lucky I can squeeze in a shower and then I’m at work by 7:15 and try to get out by 2:30 so I can sub my brother off and visit my Mom for about an hour and a half before the “sundowners” sets in. If you are not familiar with that term it means the time of day when people who have dementia start to get agitated. Somewhat like small children, around 4:30 they get angry. A visit can go from heartwarming to hostile in about 10 minutes. Mom can be her lucid self telling you how much she loves you and then start trying to pick a fight with the same unfortunate soul who is visiting. She also experiences delusional thoughts at that time of day. She may think my Dad or Grandma are still alive. She begins dwelling on all her worst memories from the past. It is very sad and hard to take so I try to get out of there before it takes over. From there I go home assist with making dinner or skip it altogether. My daughter and I try to opt for the gym at least every other night so I don’t end up like this. Home again by 8:30pm I usually pass out about 10 minutes into a show I was sure I wanted to watch.

Next day repeat.

That is my life now. Not much time for Tumblr or the Fbook or anything really.

So that is why I have not been on here much. Only sneaking in to see the current news... “Thank you Lydia! You always keep me up to date :)”

Tbh I hate going to the Bon Jovi tag now. It takes so long to find anything current. Mostly just those questionnaire things where people randomly mention Living On A Prayer or You Give Love A Bad Name in their favorite old 80′s tunes or playlists.

So much has changed in a year. 

Happy to see some of us are still here. I will be in and out as I can. Just know you guys brighten up my day even when it’s only by catching a glimpse of one of your photos or amazing gifs :)

Maybe we could start a new tag that would help us to find our posts without all that extra crap?

I suggest “bonjovifamily”  ;)