#notnorth

I’ve tried and tried again to walk a new path,

Yet there’s a rope tied to my waist pulling me back in.

Back in to a war zone we call love.

Is this love?

Love and hate are so close, so they say,

And that’s why you won’t keep away.

Away from me, and away from my boundaries-

You don’t just walk the line, you rub it out, and leave foot prints.

Imprinted on my mind and heart, more like a scar,

Likened to a keloid that keeps growing and growing.

More cuts, more wounds,

More broken hearts that shatter onto the floor,

The shards pierce my palms as I try to pick up the pieces once more.

Please this time, just let me go,

Let me leave.

From, SCN

I want a love where the door is held open for me.

The love that pulls out chairs, and strokes my head when I’m unwell.

The type of love that is kind, peaceful and soft.

The kind of love that makes me feel safe, and I’d never dare flinch.

I want someone who will hold my hand and kiss my forehead in a crowd full of people.

Where I never have to second guess if their intentions are pure and genuine.

That love where we build empires together, and support each other to grow.

Choosing our favourite pumpkins in a patch, to carve that same very night.

Where we cuddle up in front of the fire on a cold Christmas morning.

We dance and sing in the rain, to share that romance-movie passionate kiss.

Where we book a flight on a whim, because anywhere together is better than not having each other at all.

I want to receive my kind of love.

From,

SCN.

I love sharing showers with you,

Watching the water trickle from your hair, down your face.

A place where it’s just us, and my world finally feels safe.

I love sharing a bed with you,

Hearing your heart beat, as I lay my head on your chest.

A moment in time, when I feel closest to you.

I love sharing a life with you,

Filled with laughter, freedom, and my new found favourite memories.

It all makes sense now; the universe was just waiting for you to find me.

From, SCN

Love is…

Texting I miss you out of the

blue,

Drive home safe,

This song reminded me of you,

Your eyes are my favourite shade of

blue,

Have you eaten

today?

Are you ok, you've been quiet?

Not letting go of the hug first, A forehead kiss full of comfort,

Rubbing my cold feet on you in bed to keep warm,

Squeezing your hand

a little tighter

at a jump scare in a film, Letting you eat the last chocolate...

What is love?

Love is more than just

'I love you'

It's everything in between.

From, SCN

You were the one person who just got it, got me, got us.

One year on from a part of me dying with you.

One year older than you, I now find myself,

One last moment I wish I could’ve had.

‘One day we’ll meet for those bottles of wine’,

One last conversation we never realised we had,

One final ‘I love u’ and mutual understanding,

One last breath.. Yet I thought it would have been mine.

One.

You were the one.

The one that lived in sync with me.

Together, we were one whole.

From,

SCN.

I’m sorry I’m absent in every needed word,

but a simple combination of letters could never comprehend a complex mixture of emotions.

It seems I’m saying goodbye before I’ve finished saying hello,

But hello unfinished leaves us with hell.

Hellish emotions is almost what I feel.

A mixture of doubt, fear, and yearning all at once.

But even behind the deep pits of fire, which burn through my eyes and roll off my tongue,

Is another four letter word we maybe say too often and don’t appreciate enough..

Care.

I care for you deeply, maybe too much.

But I care for me too.

For even the devil was once an angel,

And angels are pure yet ever so fragile.

You push past my hard walls,

And see through the cracks,

That I am me; yet there’s never been a ‘we’.

Maybe that’s the problem.

How can I be upset about something being taken, when it was never to be mine,

But the things I keep end up being broken,

Or I just end up breaking inside.

I don’t need fixing or protecting,

I was doing just fine,

But in meeting you, you earthed me,

‘Us’ is where heaven and hell do collide.