I have noticed, as my most significant social cleavage point has gotten more popular--there are more people who are not like me talking about people like me. and getting it wrong in a way that is well-intentioned, but also, potentially harmful for certain segments with in the group that qualifies as “people like me”, in ways that are salient. because they only listened to a few people like me. and so, I am torn between applauding them for giving a shit about people like me at all--and unhappiness that they have gotten it wrong in a way that is not great for some of the people like me (including the people like me who I am most like). I think this means: welcome to the big time, kid. there are enough people who are not like you thinking about you to get it wrong. I also think: hello, and they are here to lecture you on the matter, and problematize your dissent, because they have already been told it is okay not to listen to you. I also think: definitely, the price of visibility is the infinitely replicated avatar of everyone I disliked most in college telling me what it’s like for me, in ways that are certain, righteous, and backed by all of the authority of slides five through seven of whatever junior seminar this motherfucker took on gender. I also think: but really I should be grateful to have powerpoint slides at all. isn’t that better? isn’t that *better*? bitch please: should they not be given the cookies, real ones, for caring at all? I also think: after all it is not like this is the kind of social group that can get away with being happier without the assent of the majority--it is not the kind of social group that can play games that are not oriented towards assent. I also think: I used to be so much chiller about this nonsense, until someone was interested enough to come and define me. it is a difficult time, in an unusual way. it was also difficult, but so much more clear, in some ways, when I just felt hated and misunderstood.
