#notalwaysromantic

(I am female in my late 20s. This has been the worse fortnight of my life so far; I was made redundant at work, I fell out with a very close friend over something really stupid, and someone rear-ended me. My period has also started, making everything a lot worse, as I get extremely hormonal during this time. Now, my glasses have broken. I emotionally break down, and cry at my boyfriend.)

Me: *whilst sobbing* “I have no friends, no vision, no car, and no money to sort out two of those problems! AND I’M BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!”

Boyfriend: “Shall I go get some cake?”

Me: *stops wailing, but still sniffing* “Cake?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, let’s go to [My Favourite Cake Place].”

Me: *sniffing* “Really?”

Boyfriend: “Really, really.”

(He goes on the cake trip. He comes back sooner than I’d expect, and hands me the bag, which is too light to have cake in it. I open it up and find a ring box with a ring in it.)

Boyfriend: “Will yo—”

Me: *truly distressed* “Where’s the cake?!”

Boyfriend: “I… Erm.”

Me: “You said there would be cake!”

Boyfriend: “Okay… You’re irrationally—”

Me: *irrationally upset* “I am not irrationally upset! You promised cake! Instead, I get a ring that I can’t even see properly, because I have no vision! How could you betray me like this?!” *ugly, hysterical sobbing*

(He did go get me cake. And I did apologise to him over being overly emotional and dramatic. Surprisingly, he still wanted to marry me after that, so I said yes.)

Fiancé: “I have such a pretty girlfriend.”

Me: “Oooh, you just did it too!”

Fiancé: “[First Name] [Last name].”

Me: “What? He doesn’t even like you does he?!”

Fiancé: “Of course not.”

Me: “Name one thing that isn’t fearsome about me.”

Boyfriend: “It’d just be easier to name things that are.”

Me: “Easy. My fists of steel and my soul of night.”

Boyfriend: “Your fists of steel that are currently wearing owl mittens?”

Me: “…Fists of steel get cold, too!”

Boyfriend: “And your soul of night that likes kittens and coloring?”

Me: “Noooo, don’t give me a wedgie!”

Fiancé: “What? Why?”

Fiancé:

(My best friend’s little sister is getting married, and I’ve been invited to the wedding. Since we live across the country, my partner hasn’t met many of the people I talk about, even though we’re engaged. Note: My hometown’s college football team has a friendly rivalry with another state’s college football team. I’m in the bedroom while my partner is across the hall brushing his teeth.)

Me: *reading the postmark on the invitation* “Huh. I wonder who mailed out the invites. [Little Sister] & [Her Fiance]‘s invitation is postmarked Ohio.”

Partner: *very incredulously* “IS SHE MARRYING A BLACK GUY?!”

(Since my little sister is white, this can occasionally have social complications, despite it being the modern age. I am so angry at this even remotely being an issue with him, since it is so out of character, that I am ready to break off our own wedding, and certainly ready for a fight. I steel myself and reply in a very angry tone.)

Me: “Not that it matters but as it happens, yeah. You got a problem with it?!

Partner: “Only because you guys have that rivalry. U of M has the rivalry with Ohio State, right?”

(Not understanding what the rivalry has to do with him being black, suddenly it dawns on me that I may have misheard him.)

Me: “Wait, what did you ask if he is?”

Partner: “A BUCKEYE.”

Me: *giggling uproariously, and somewhat hysterically relieved* “Oh.”

Partner: “What did you think I said?”

Me: “I thought you asked if he was a BLACK GUY. I was about to dump your a**!”

Partner: “I don’t give a f*** what race he is. I just want to know what college he went to!”

They’re So Dream A Dreamy

BAR | LONDON, ENGLAND, UK | FLIRTING/HOW WE MET, LGBTQ

(I am in a bar with my friends, and I see a girl that looks really cute, but I am not sure if she is gay. After a few drink, I decide to go up to her. I am in a ‘Les Mis’ mood.)

Me:*singing* “A heart full of love. A heart full of song. I’m doing everything all wrong! Oh, God, for shame. I do not even know your name. Dear mademoiselle, won’t you say? Won’t you tell?”

Her:*singing* “A heart full of love. No fear. No regret.”

Me:*singing* “My name is [My Name].”

Her:*singing* “And mine’s [Her Name].”

Me:*singing* “[Her Name], I don’t know what to say.”

Her:*normal* “Marry me. No one ever gets to that part.”

(We’ve been dating for a year now.)

(I just moved in with my boyfriend. We have just moved into a new place and since we are not allowed to have pets, we have a seal stuffed animal called ‘Siggy’ that we joke is ‘our pet.’)

Boyfriend: “So, I brought Siggy here this morning so that she could get used to the new place.”

Me: *pretending to be listening to the stuffed animal* “Well, she said she kept asking you where you were going and you didn’t tell her… She thought you were abandoning her!”

Boyfriend: *with an angry tone* “Stop making up stories like that up. You are not five anymore!”

(I was hurt by his reaction, until I turned around and realized he was speaking to the seal as well!)