#notallvampires

oooooooooookay so I don’t usually do this because I choose to not let this kind of stuff bother me due to the fact that I enjoy critical role for what it is: a dnd show for charity made by a bunch of nerds having fun.

But I need to let this off my chest because of a buildup of general “we hate said character”(this is involving stuff like Snape from harry potter and other things I’m not even gonna bring up cause thats not the point) and just a general idea that its a good idea to fight venomous acts with venom.

Hint: if creature is spewing venom they are prob immune or resistant to venom.

DnD jokes aside. I don’t enjoy a toxic atmosphere, and altho I love hearing everyones thoughts an opinions i believe their is a point where people start to become rude for no other reason then they think thats how you act when you get on a soapbox. Please don’t. Say what you need to say about the issues but please don’t be a dick about it, be kind, be understanding. You don’t have to agree, but you don’t have to be a dick. YOU choose to act the way you do in response to being annoyed or insulted.

now that I’ve said the first part lets talk about the second issue. Jester.

Jester is a good character, Terry is also a good character. They should not and cannot be compared. Terry entered the campaign after a DRASTIC change in dynamics and with a lot of mixed feelings. Vox Machina itself didn’t like Terry and even after his baby cry about his daddy issues the party was (or at least some of them) where suuuuuper ok with leaving him for Kraken kibble. It truly wasn't until a year past in game that we saw that he was ACTUALLY being accepted into the group as a member.

Whats happening with Jester is that she, along with the rest of the group, is stumbling her way around trying to figure out what to do next. The group has no idea what it wants or what its doing and they are very clearly not ready to be 100% honest with each other.

Jester is a girl who was pampered, we have no idea what her relationship with her mother was like other then her possibly being ignored. The little that we can gleam from her is that she's a lonely girl who wants friends and doesn’t interact with anyone or has anywhere near enough people skills to understand that her blatant disregard for others feelings kind of messes with the “having friends” part. Dose it make her look kind of like an asshole? yes. Dose it make her a bad character? no. Does it make her a bad person? Thats something for her and the group to figure out as they go along.

Caleb is a man who started from nothing, lived his life with nothing, and suddenly has something. All we can gleam from his actions is that he’s a guy that is afraid of achieving things just to let it get away from him. He’s afraid of being rich because being rich is an unknown element. Hes afraid of not being Caleb anymore and afraid of being some rich asshat that used to be caleb, and he pushes people away because he dosn’t want to explain himself or maybe even has some dark shit that, for all we know, makes him believe that that idea might actually be fact. Dose that make him look like an asshole? yes. Dose it make him a bad character? no. Does it make him a bad person? Thats something for him and the group to figure out as they go along.

It has been 9 episodes. Vox Machina has two years prior to their first 9 and the group already pretty much liked each other aside from a few rivalries and trust issues. They where for the most part partially developed characters when we met them. Let these people breath. Let them be shitty characters that will eventually get their shit together.

We are on chapter 9 of a 63 chapter book and theirs a possible sequel book after that. They are NOT gonna be perfect, and i don’t want them to be because then whats the point of watching them grow up? Haters, let the characters be shitty, give them time to whip the mud off their face, maybe in the end they’re grow into something you’ll love. Also seriously these people play this game for fun, yes for your entertainment, but mostly their own. Haters of the haters, they just started reading the book, let them hate Snape from Harry potter, let them hate Durzo Blint from Night Angles, Maybe at the end they’ll actually really like them. But let them have the chance to like it on their own, and you know, they don’t have to like it just because you do.

So because of yet another ridiculous discussion with my son, I started thinking about the vampire trope of drinking pig/cow/wombat blood so as to “assuage their hunger”.

So if that works, then there’s got to be a vampire who likes it, right? I mean, not every vampire is going to be a megalomaniac serial killer goth. There’s got to be at least one who is like “wait, drinking human blood is kind of messed up, cow blood does the job, and tastes pretty good.”

So you have a vampire who isn’t a threat. Not because of some vow or other complex thing, but because it’s just a lot less trouble.

Especially if you become...

Bob the Vampire, NIGHT BUTCHER!

Like he’s a butcher that works at night. Doesn’t kill people. Works as a butcher. But at night, because he’s a vampire. 

It’d be pretty handy, right? I mean he’s strong as...an ox, so he can sling sides of beef. He’s gonna have a neat back room, because all the blood is going into his fridge for later. Hell, he’s probably a connoisseur at this point, can tell how good the beef is going to be just by how the blood tastes.

Bob’s Butcher Shop has the best meat in town.

Can you imagine how this would fuck with vampire hunters?

I AM HERE TO KILL THE VAMPIRE!

Who, Bob?

...Bob?

Well, he’s the only vampire in town.

THEN I AM HERE TO KILL BOB!

Why?

...he’s...a...vampire?

Well we know that, I mean, look at the sign to his shop. <points to sign over shop window>

“Bob’s Butcher Shop, Vampire Bob, Proprietor. 

Tuesday is BOGO on liver!”

...what?

That’s what we said, no one likes liver that much, but vampires. <shrugs>

...but they’re...evil?

Who, Bob? Bob’s not evil. I mean, he’s a little grumpy with Henry from down the road, but honestly, Henry couldn’t raise good cattle if he had a book...I think he does have a book, still can’t raise good cattle, but tries to get Bob to pay for them as if they were prime. So Bob’s kind of curt with him, but I don’t think that really qualifies as evil. A bit rude perhaps, but not evil.

...don’t you all live in fear of him?

Of Bob? Ohhh...right, the vampire thing. Look, come round tonight when the shop’s open and talk with him. Bob’s not one of those vampires. He drinks cow blood and pig blood. According to him, it tastes just as good, is just as healthy for him, and really, it makes him a fantastic butcher. He can tell with a taste if meat’s gone bad. A bit disconcerting at first, I mean, he has to lick the meat to really tell how good or bad it is, but you’re going to cook it anyway, so it’s not that big a deal. Unless it’s for tartare. Then he won’t lick it, he just jabs it with a knife and licks the knife. Not as good a way to tell, ‘least not according to him, but it gets you most of the way there, and more sanitary.

...I think I need to lay down, my head hurts.

We get that a lot. Look, pop round to Mary’s Inn down the road, tell her you need the Vampire Hunter Special, she’ll fix you right up. 

...okay...thank you.

No problem at all!