There’s been a lot of chatter lately on the internets about what is or is not proper verbal behavior towards women in public places, whether sidewalks, places of work, or the comments sections of social media sites.  

Much of it has been polarized between the exposition of the overtly rational notion that women are human beings and deserve to be treated as such, versus those who insist that turd-flinging chimp-like behavior is simply the natural order of things. 

I could easily assert and insert my own feminist d00d credibility into this discussion, but I expect that would be drowned out by the sheer volume of the noise noise noise that passes for public discourse 2.0.  Instead, I’m going to offer a slightly different perspective, one that may upset both sides of the debate but perhaps convey the consequences of certain actions more effectively to those who might consider engaging in them.  

I am a father. I have a twelve year old daughter. I also have a mother, two (late) grandmothers, and a whole passel of female relatives and friends scattered throughout the North American continent.

Obviously I’m not alone in this - I mean, those kids had to come from somewhere, and they had to come from someone. The point is that I’m placing this aspect of my identity front and center and asking you to face him when you think about catcalling the young woman walking to work tomorrow morning, or rubbing yourself against the chick in the elevator, or posting another anonymous “i hope u get raped an die horibly’ comment on whatever shitty blog you like to troll.

I want you to consider this, not as an appeal to your basic moral decency, because if you’re even thinking about actually doing one of those things then “basic moral decency” isn’t even in your zip code, much less your vocabulary or upbringing. I’m not even asking you to put yourself in the position of the father or brother or son of that woman you’re about to verbally or emotionally or even physically abuse, for the same reasons.

No, I want you to think about this from the point of view that I am someone’s father, someone’s son, someone’s friend.  Because I am angry with you and your behavior, and I am probably a lot bigger than you, and even if I’m not I know a dozen guys who are - and they are all fathers, sons, brothers, husbands, or just generally men who are not pieces of shit in their public lives.

My brother, your takeaway from this is simple: if you pull that shit off, I am going to kick your ass.

A few things you need to know: I am a large man. I’ve had some training in certain arts and practices that might be applied toward fighting, or rather, inflicting a boatload of pain and suffering. I am generally quite good at breaking things.

And I occasionally have rage issues. While I am not a particularly violent man, I have violence within my soul with which I wrestle each and every day of my life - but I make conscious decisions in each moment not to direct that inner violence outward.

Unless, bro, you give me a reason.

Don’t give me a reason. Shut up now, before it’s too late. 

And if not me, one of the millions - millions - of other brothers, sons, fathers, husbands, boyfriends, lovers, neighbors, and generally decent men living throughout the world who haven’t yet let the discomfort and disgust and rage they feel at the sight and sound of the harassment and belittling of females turn them into action. Yet.

Guess what:  As of now, we’re in action.  And that action will translate into the reality of one or more of us kicking your ass good.

You won’t know where we are or who we might be.

We. Are. Everywhere.

And yes, gents, I’m advocating that we redirect male privilege, the male gaze, and all that stuff that seems to be part of the fabric of contemporary human societies, and turn it right back onto the bro’s. It’s not pretty, but it might work as a transitional stratagem: turn the fear that most - okay, #YesAllWomen experience in their daily lives right back at those who dish it out. 

Doesn’t feel very good, now does it?

So understand this, fellows: somewhere, and by that I mean potentially everywhere, another man is watching you, and he does not like what you’re doing to someone who looks like or even might be his daughter, his sister, his mother, his cousin, his future ex-wife, or the nice lady who might bring him pie and coffee at the diner later on.

Every man you pass, every man you meet - they might be the one to kick your ass. 

 You just won’t know, will you?

Maybe you just shouldn’t act like a dick to her. It could save your ass. You’re welcome.

——-

This is of course no substitute for the continuing social evolution of human society. Ultimately, I want a world where boys are socialized and raised up into men with the simple understanding that you just don’t do that shit. But this is an interim step, and one I’m proud to step into. Also, that guy over there just might be about to step up. Maybe. You just don’t know, do you? So check yourself before we wreck yourself.

We have to become better people to make a better world, whether your circle of compassion extends toward the cosmos itself or maybe just ends around your own front yard. But every change in the world comes with birth pains, and I hereby volunteer to inflict some of that pain if need be. And I’m not alone.

Gentlemen: Be decent. Be upstanding. Be better.  

Or if that doesn’t work, try not being such dicks next time.  It could save your ass.