#not tech support

Don't worry, though! All you have to do to lift this probation is attend one week (chronologically spent, subject to temporal review, violations will be penalized) of helpful seminars on the appropriate use of violence in the workplace (weaponry will not be provided, you will be required to provide your own. Appropriate seminar weaponry registration forms are available at request at Skaianet™ Human Resources Office 2.99×10¹²²³¹, Monday-Thursday, 12:00 AM-2:56 PM).

We're excited to see you there! Don't forget your swimsuit!

Try again, smartass.

-Minute Hand, the cooler Marketing Guy TM

How about we have this agreement: I don't have the foggiest about marketing, so I am going to let you pals do your job and trust that it is being done well. And unless you prove to be repeatedly that you can patch the code faster than it breaks, you are going to trust me to do my job well. And our two departments never have to interact again?

Sounds good? I think it sounds great.

Am I single? Yes. Am I willing to open up my broken bleeding heart to another being to form a relationship based on hope, trust, mutual understanding and compassion? Hell fucking no. I'd rather fuck an angel trying to claw my eyes out, thank you.

I sincerely hope that you are getting off on this, because all this effort shouldn't go completely in vain.

Last time I checked, my name tag didn't say Glue, my source code was still holding its integrity - duct tape might have been involved, but that is besides the point - and I was a man, you know, that group that famously can't be lesbians.

Now, don't be sad over that. If you need to be sad about lesbians, be sad about Glue, who found out that she's one by dating me for a couple of years. And then she got a permanently assigned to a job right next to me for the rest of existence's existence. Retroactively.

I am coping fine, I am just not doing any relationships again ever. Statistics favor the radical and decisive.