#nosedive

ROUND 1 — Match 224 of 276

Hector Barbossa (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Problematic because: "his first major act in the series is betraying jack, leading a mutiny, stealing the black pearl, and marooning him on the same island he later dumps jack and elizabeth on. then his crew steals the cursed aztec gold, and when bootstrap bill turner objects to what they did and sends one coin away to his son, barbossa has him strapped to a cannon and thrown into the sea. unfortunately for barbossa, they later need turner blood to lift the curse, so he raids port royal, kidnaps elizabeth after she claims the turner name, and tries to use her blood in the ritual. he’s also just a deeply self-serving operator across the series. he helps when it benefits him, betrays when it benefits him, steals the pearl back from jack again after at world’s end, becomes a privateer under king george while secretly pursuing revenge against blackbeard, and later rules a pirate fleet as a wealthy pirate lord. he does get more heroic moments later, especially with carina, but “eventually sacrifices himself for his daughter” doesn’t erase the years of mutiny, kidnapping, murder, betrayal, and general pirate bastard behaviour before that." Propaganda: "barbossa is awful and i love him. mutineer, kidnapper, cursed skeleton captain, professional jack sparrow irritant, apple enthusiast, betrayal enjoyer. somehow both a complete bastard and one of the most satisfying redemption-ish arcs in the franchise."

vs. Lacie Pound (Black Mirror)

Problematic because: "she's super fake, as per the entire thesis of the episode" Propaganda: "I think she should have destroyed naomi's wedding even harder actually. once you're burning bridges you ought to burn them all the way down and go completely scorched earth. every time naomi fat-shames her I think violent thoughts. I love her with all my heart."

The National Anthem ~ accurate depiction of england. 100% would happen. kept expecting malcom tucker from the thick of it to show up. i continue to be in awe of rory kinnear.

Fifteen Million Merits ~ captivating. watching daniel kaluuya perform is like watching a masterclass in acting.

The Entire History Of You ~ jodie whittaker is so beautiful. i hate everything about this.

Be Right Back ~ if this gets made leave every atom of me in the ground. grim that.

White Bear ~ bloody hell…don’t know how to feel about that. phenomenally acted.

The Waldo Moment ~ get the point but meh.

White Christmas ~ white bear 2: electric boogaloo but mid.

Nosedive ~ beautifully irritating but genius.

Playtest ~ what in the bloody shit & balls. would love to see wyatt russell in a campy horror film one day.

Shut Up & Dance ~ they should have suffered more.

San Junipero ~ cinematic masterpiece, this lesbian thanks gugu mbatha-raw & mackenzie davis for a wlw work of art. this story is imprinted on my soul.

Men Against Fire ~ that was horrible that was so horrible. that's terrifying.

Hated In The Nation ~ i feel like i just watched an entire british crime series in 89 minutes.

USS Callister ~ i will do anything for captain nanette. one day i will encounter a character played by jesse plemmons & not imagine him dying in poetically violent ways.

Arkangel ~ i hope that girl ran fast & far, got a restraining order & smoked as much crack as she wanted.

Crocodile ~ i am so irritated by this. irma thomas get those royalties queen.

Hang The DJ ~ the fact it's named after a smiths song & plays the song in the credits gives it points.

Metalhead ~ why is this not a two hour film & better than most apocalyptic pieces of media despite being 40 mins long.

Black Museum ~ this should be in a museum of cinematic masterpieces, what a phenomenal piece of television.

Striking Vipers ~ is it gay & cheating if you're married & fuck your homie in a video game? absolute cinema. anthony mackie. “i fucked a polar bear & i still couldn’t get you out of my mind”. cinema.

Smithereens ~ jaden better not be dead.

Rachel, Jack & Ashley Too ~ the only hannah montana remake i'll ever need.

Joan Is Awful ~ this made me want to rewatch schitt's creek & read the t&c's on everything i have ever signed up to.

Loch Henry ~ this validated my decision to not watch fictional dramas based on real life tragic crimes. beautiful filming locations.

Beyond The Sea ~ gay sex would have solved a lot of problems.

Mazey Day ~ what the actual fuck.

Demon 79 ~ this felt like an episode of gomens but ten times better. nida & gaap two of the characters of all time.

Common People ~ actors from shows that shaped my teenage years in a masterpiece that made me so upset…have you tried turning it off & on again?

Bete Noire ~ you become empress of the universe, maria! verity was so wrong, sincerely, someone who was bullied constantly & the “weird kid”.

Hotel Reverie ~ in times of great need for sapphic media, black mirror has got me. what an absolute masterpiece, i laughed, i cried, i had gay thoughts.

Plaything ~ PETER CAPALDI?!! got an immediate 8/10 for the peter capaldi of it all mesmerised with the layout. i’d kill someone for hurting my game characters too.

Eulogy ~ the digital ghosts of a life past. a christmas carol: black mirror edition.

“In this world, we’re all so caught up in our own heads. It’s easy to lose sight of what’s real.”

No matter how special it is, a kid's lunch is still just a kid's lunch.

I dunno, I liked "The Genius Restaurant" (Episode 1,089).

Happy (belated) birthday, Jimjam.

✨ New Newsletter is out! Ranking the Top 5 LGBTQ+ Black Mirror episodes with my new PrideBrary Checkout Card; a system for rating representation of marginalized characters! Hoping it's guide to finding stories that actually see you:

PrideBrary Check Out Card:

More Than a Token – Are there one or more characters of color, LGBTQ+ characters, or marginalized genders? Do they have depth beyond stereotype?

Story Drivers – Do these characters drive the story forward with their decisions?

Beyond the Trauma – Do they experience a full emotional arc beyond oppression or trauma? (Even if the story is about trauma)

Dim The Halos – Characters don’t have to be perfect angels. Are they messy, complicated, and real?

Crossing The Intersection – Do we see characters with layered identities (race, gender, class, etc.) and are those intersections explored with care?

You can read the newsletter HERE!

Black Mirrors