#norigata

( “Please, she doesn’t deserve this, it’s-” Matthias felt sick, sobs choking his words, the miserable crooning of his own voice making him feel worse as he curled in on himself, pressing his head to the wall. He couldn’t watch this. “It’s not her fault, please, don’t hurt her!”

His cries were ignored. The ignition roared to life. And yet again, the only thing he could hear was the ringing in his ears. )

Matthias was no stranger to being miserable. He had grown used to that clawing ache in his stomach, the burning in his chest. He didn’t know, though,   that it would hurt infinitely more once he’d had a taste of what happy felt like again. He hadn’t left his bed since the trial, and yet sleep never claimed him. The morning alarm would ring soon; he’d have to join everyone else. He really didn’t want to leave, didn’t want the wave of “are you okay”s and apologies people had already tried giving him.

( She did this to save you. You’re throwing it away. )

Save him? Save him? God, if only she could’ve seen what everyone else saw so clearly.

Matthias was a tired, miserable man. That was not a secret, despite the face he put on for the rest of the crowd. But Hidemi… 

Hidemi was happy. She didn’t have those awful, awful things happen to her. She was loved.

Couldn’t Noriko see that? Couldn't she see Hidemi had already been saved? That the time she spent just being around her were the happiest moments of her life? It was so clear to everyone else, so why couldn’t she see that?

She loved Ogura Noriko. And now she was gone. They both were, really. 

( How can you lose a part of yourself if you don't know who you are? )

It wasn’t her fault. She was doing what she thought was right. He can’t blame her, not like everyone else was. She was doing it for him, wasn’t she? 

It… it was his fault. He’s the reason it all happened. He didn’t want this. But he is the one they should all blame, isn’t he? 

It’s not her fault that when she died he lost the happiest part of himself. It’s not her fault that everyone looks at him with more pity than they did before. It’s not her fault.

He needs to believe that.