#noonono

ohhh, so that’s the more formal definition! thank u :O

@phyl-the-gryffinclaw

 i’m really scared to and i dont know why and idk if you’d consider it scopophobia but yeah my parents (especially my dad) always get pissed at me when i cant look them in the eye and then they yell at me like i’m so fucking sorry me looking at you can cause suck a ruckus for you i didnt know how you felt about something is more important than my well being i havent even had any mental health days so far this school year my parents think i’m okay but i’m way worse i have more mental illnesses than i thought i need a different therapist i dont like my old one he reminds me of the hospital too much i’m sorry it’s been over ten months since i self harmed and i’m proud but i want to repeatedly punch a wall and i wanna bruise myself up not because i dont like myself but because i feel like i’d be way prettier bruised up and bleeding i havent had the need to purposefully harm myself with blades beside that that doesnt even feel like it was me that did that i didnt do that it was someone else i feel so bad for them i hope they can get the help they deserve fuck disassociating helps and i think it’d be weird without it i hate when people say i’m special or that i’m not like other people i’m the exact fucking same species you’re just surprised i’m worse than others it doesnt make me feel good it makes me feel like i’m an outlier it makes me feel alien to my own fucking body i’m not myself in my body i cant be who i am you’d think i’m mad the screaming in my head is too loud the man wants out if i could have what i wanted i wouldnt be here death isnt real nothing is real stop crying over them they dont exist anymore they never existed get out of your fucking mindset stop paying attention it didnt happen to me i didnt overdose i never met her it was another kid in another reality string my words up one by one make me feel real i want those knives i want them in my legs i want to see myself bleed the screaming is too loud my eyes are too big my grip is too tight i cant hold on to the ledge anymore there are blisters in my palms and dirt under my nails and someone’s calling for me from down below meet me at 1am under the streetlight tell me i’m real i dont think i am i’m probably not nothing really is stop yelling stop crying i’m not listening you think i pay attention you think i care i didnt get in trouble stop lying to me

nope. im lame i know