#nonmonogomous

idk i feel not monogamous enough nor polyamorous enough. i think i want sexual monogamy but queerplatonic relationships and non-sexual physical affection with friends. i don't see what's so wrong with that. but my current therapist seems to think that's bad.

i think the reason i was emotionally abused in my last relationship was because i was so isolated. i felt like i couldn't tell anyone i was in an open relationship for fear of being judged and cut off. but in not being open about what i was doing in my relationships, i was manipulated.

this just feels like the thing parents say when you come out to them "i don't want your life to be hard." and it's like, yeah you know who makes it hard? unsupportive people. if we offer more support and resources to people who are figuring things out maybe those people wouldn't have such a hard life.

Like, yeah I'm a lesbian. But that leaves a lot out. And even though I'm a lesbian, I don't identify with gender and my partner essentially makes the concept of gender explode so...there's that. Plus, I mean, I don't experience sexual attraction, but I love women. Any type of women, but mostly women who challenge my preconceived notions of what being a woman means. And then maybe we are gonna get another partner in there, too?

How the fuck am I supposed to say all of that, in the correct terms, in a casual conversation?

I just wanna be queer. When I say, "I'm queer," I want people to say "okay" and move on.

I could get used to only working two days a week, especially when I spend the days off with the people that I love.

I'm burning some vacation days and using them wisely.

Tuesday, I spent the day with Zelda. We did some city hiking and toured the art museum.

Tomorrow, Willow and I are doing something similar.

I've been thinking on my feelings about sexual/romantic experiences with other people who aren't my twin flame. I don't think I'm entirely sure about how I feel about it and won't truly know until it happens.