#nonbinary student

First thing, scour your college’s website for LGBT+ resources. Look under “Students,” “Student Life,” or “Student Services” tabs. Look under “Community” or “Clubs & Organizations” and stuff. Find the LGBT+ resource center, if they have one. Mark it on your map, save the e-mail and/or number in your phone. Use this for reference. If you can, swing by before your academic semester starts and talk to whoever is in office. Say you’re a new student, you’re trans/nonbinary, and anxious about dealing with [whatever]. They’ll have pamphlets, offer you resources, etc. 

The moment you have your schedule, add your teacher’s e-mails to your contacts. Then, any time within a week or two before classes (>3 days is best), e-mail them with a basic form letter on your preferred name and pronouns. There’s a good basic skeleton here. You can alter this however you need. If you go by non-traditional pronouns, feel free to include a paragraph or line letting them know that they can ask you about how to best utilize your pronouns, or link them to a page explaining them. 

Hopefully some of your professors will reply before class starts; that will offer you some relief. However, knowing college, some won’t. Here’s what I recommend: A) If your professors’ office hours are up to date and publicly listed, see if you can drop by before a class. Introduce yourself in person so they can associate your face with your name, clarify to see if they’ve received your message or not, and affirm (don’t request, but affirm) that they will be calling your preferred name for roll, not what is listed on the roster. (If they have paper rosters, they can cross out your listed name and include your preferred one; also, some schools will list your preferred name on the roster if there is any way to input it in their official system.) B) Assuming you can’t get them in office hours, show up to class early (like, at least 10 minutes early, because everyone else will be too) and wait by their desk. The reason I emphasize by their desk, is because there will be at least 5-10 other students who have questions for the professor on the first day, want to get in on waitlist, et cetera. If you are seated when the professor walks in, you will not get to talk to them before they begin class. If you are at their desk so they cannot start until you sit, you get the chance to corner them, greet them, ask if they received your e-mail, and clarify that you will be called by your preferred name in roll.

Most college classes still do ridiculous introductory exercises if they are reasonably small. (Small meaning just about every class in a private college, perhaps only labs or specialty courses in a public school.) If you feel comfortable with it, either address the professor beforehand or raise your hand when they mention this exercise to ask them to include preferred pronouns in introductions. This helps normalize personal pronouns as a concept for the rest of the class, gives an opportunity for you or your professor to clarify what that means right at the beginning of the semester, and means your peers’ first introduction of you will include preferred pronouns. 

Actually, do this during orientation too! Orientation will have similar silly activities, and probably involve nametags. If you preregister for orientation, e-mail the person in charge to request your preferred name be listed for any materials they give out, and/or sign-in. When you are put into groups, either suggest to the person leading the group that you include personal pronouns in introductions, or talk to them the first moment you get and ask them to use at least yours. 

When interacting with peers in classes, it is okay to correct them on your pronouns. If you do that thing where you partner up and everyone talks about their partner, ask your partner what their pronouns are. They’ll be forced out of politeness to do the same for you, and this will be how they end up phrasing their description of you. Ask anyone you don’t know, if you are talking about them, what their pronouns are. Normalize the fuck out of it. If your friend is misgendered in class, or you are, you are allowed to say something. You are no longer a kid not allowed to correct the professor; unless your prof is a big dick, you can say, “Professor, you said Ashley picked up her book, but Ashley uses he/him pronouns. So you mean, Ashley picked up his book.” (Only do this for people you know are okay with it; otherwise, it is always okay to do it for yourself.) 

If there is a queer or trans group on campus, join it! At the very least show up to the first meeting or maybe two or three sessions. If you don’t like the group, chances are you will still meet some other people who you might want to connect with. If you do, you will have a strong support network who may already have gone through any difficulties you’ll encounter, know how to navigate the system, and will respect your identity even when others don’t. 

Ask your resource center if they have a list or map of gender-neutral restrooms on campus. If they don’t, request or campaign for one. Find out from someone who knows the school well where the individual or handicap-accessible restrooms are, if there aren’t designated GN ones. You can mark these so you know where the closest one to your classes is. If there’s not a lot of options, ask next which bathrooms are least-used. That way if you feel you are forced into a situation to use a gendered bathroom, you can feel safer about being seen there. 

Talk with your professors. Always. All the time. Go to their office hours. As soon as you can in the semester. Make sure they know your name, your face, your pronouns. Talk about your personal issues. They’re adults; they can hear it. If they are undereducated, treat them like they should know these things. If you want to be a resource, offer to be a resource. Don’t be afraid to say why you need things. If them calling out your legal name on the roster gives you anxiety, tell them that. They need to know that it is not an option. 

Colleges are big. They’re full of people. Even small colleges are full of people. That means that the people who are shitheads are worth fuckall and you can say “See ya” to them at any time, and surround yourself with people worth being around. The closest you can get to being stuck with someone is a roommate; if you have a roommate who doesn’t respect you, talk to administration and housing. It is a requirement for your safety and well-being that you not be housed in a transphobic room. Get the LGBT+ center, if there is one, to support you on this. Party with the people you can be out and proud to, olly outtie from the people you don’t. 

Ten is a good number, so I’ll stop there. Basically, none of the above is non-circumstantial. Like anywhere else, there will be shit experiences, and gaps, and flaws, and fuck-ups. But you’re in college, and you know what that means? You’re a student. Students have rights and protection leagues up the wazoo. Take all fucking advantage of that. You have the opportunity to ask for the world and you’re not going to get kicked out or fired or lose your home or anything else that might happen in other aspects of life. Work it. 

Not all of this is easy as said with anxiety, trepidation, self-consciousness, and issues. It sounds like you have been determinedly out and proud and would like to continue to be, though, so that will be a great motivator for encouraging you to push your rights and respectability. In any case, I hope it is a place to start, and I completely encourage you to feel free to ask me more if you have issues going through any of it.