#nonbinary revan

“Happy to help.” With a lopsided grin, Alek tried and failed not to stare at his best friend. Sprawled like this, the other teen was a feast of dark hair and long limbs, both inviting and forbidden. With his inhibitions lowered, the temptation to reach out and touch… to even steal a taste… was stronger than ever. He balled his fits in the grass to fight the urge.

The pair was currently sprawled at the edge of the Ancient Grove on Dantooine, an area that was popular for meditation during the day. But at night the ruins scattered amongst the blba trees were mostly deserted, especially closer to the fields where the kath hounds roamed. While the secluded nature of the grove could prove dangerous after dark, it was also one of the few private places in an enclave full of Jedi. 

It was the teens’ last night at the academy. Normally this wouldn’t be an event worth noting, especially since most Padawans visited other temples multiple times a year. Yet somehow, this departure felt different. Meetra had already predicted that this might be the last time she’d see the other Jedi for a while, making the same vague allusions to Phaetin’s impending ascension to Knighthood that the Masters had been whispering for months. She was probably repeating rumors but it didn’t make her prediction less ominous, a reminder that Phaetin and Alek’s time as near-constant companions was quickly coming to an end.

The older Padawan was sensitive about the subject, either denying the possibility that Knighthood was looming dangerously close or growing snappish at any mention of their future. If Alek was in full possession of his faculties, he’d have been tactful enough not to broach the subject. Unfortunately, he was drunk.

“Hey, what do you think is going happen when we get back to Coruscant?”

Eyes fixed on the sky, Phaetin slurred, “The same as usual. Kavar is going to double our training schedule to ‘make up for lost time’ and Vrook will drag me away for ‘advanced studies’ about some topic that he barely understands.”

“Are you sure about that? You don’t think…?”

Struggling upright, the older teen scoffed, “Alek, I’m a prodigy, as everyone keeps reminding me. Of course I know what the Masters have planned.”

“Come on, be serious for a minute.”

“I don’t have to be serious, I’m drunk.” Scowling, Phaetin leaned in. “I’m drunk because we’re supposed to be celebrating.”

This close, Alek could see the doubt that filled his friend’s dark eyes and the near-panic that tugged at their expression. Even their tightly-controlled presence shivered with trepidation. Part of the younger teen wanted to change the conversation, but the subject had been worrying him for the entire trip despite his attempts to release those emotions into the Force. “What… exactly are we celebrating?”

“You know, having time away from everything. A chance to be ourselves. To… not think about whatever bantha shit comes next!”

The last of Phaetin’s false bravado was falling away as frustration swirled within a miasma of self-doubt. Alek’s hand was resting near his friend’s and he was tempted to link their fingers together and pull the other teen close, to hold them tight and somehow protect them from the machinations of whatever the Force had in store. But the alcohol buzzing through his body made his limbs feel rooted in place as he muttered, “Maybe… maybe we should think about what’s next.”

Pressing into their friend’s space, Phaetin snarled, “Why? Why can’t I just have one kriffing night without someone wondering about my karking future?!”

“Because…” Drunkenness made Alek’s words jumble in his brain and he struggled to find the answer. Because you have so much potential. Because you’re a prodigy and you’re destined to leave me behind. Because I don’t want to lose you.

Before he could form an actual response, Phaetin surged forward and pressed their lips together. The kiss was sloppy and bitter with liquor, yet it was everything Alek had yearned for. He paused for an instant from pure shock, unable to process that this was anything but a dream. But desire took over and he quickly leaned in, tangling his fingers in soft brown waves as his other arm wrapped tightly around his friend’s waist. Phaetin whimpered, lips parting enough for their tongue to dart out. Alek deepened the kiss, finally experiencing a seemingly impossible dream.

But then the younger teen’s brain caught up to his body. Rapidly breaking away he covered his mouth as though it would prevent him from making any more mistakes. Yes, this had been his deepest desire for many years. But his friend had never shown the same inclinations and the sudden change of heart when notably drunk was alarming. While the moment was sure to be pleasurable, the potential for regret once their heads cleared was daunting.

“Phae… this isn’t what you want.”

“Why does everyone insist on telling me what I want?! If I’m such a genius, shouldn’t I be able to think for myself?”

“That’s not what I… You’ve never wanted this before.”

“Maybe I’ve never really thought about it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want it now that I have.” Phaetin slid closer as they ran a palm up their friend’s thigh, grinning as they sensed the arousal this caused. “Isn’t this what you want?”