#nonbinary dragonborn

“No Erandur, I mean it!” they emphasized, leaning closer to Erandur. “You…you get all up in your own head, thinking you’re some bad guy, just ‘cause you got a past. But like…I got a past too. Nearly everyone I’ve met in Skyrim has got some sorta past. You can still be a good person, even if you’ve had a really messed up life.”

“Well, that’s nice of you to say,” Erandur said placatingly. He noticed a few of their fellow patrons paying attention to this conversation - he hoped that the Dragonborn didn’t continue to steer the conversation down this rather treacherous pathway.

“I really don’t think you understand how fucked up your life was before,” the Dragonborn said suddenly.

Keerava made a slight hissing sound at the Dragonborn’s language. Erandur gave an awkward chuckle, wrapping an arm around the Dragonborn’s.

“I think it’s time we head to bed, yes?”

“But I’m not tired,” they protested, though they allowed Erandur to pull them to their feet. “And we’re not done with this conversation yet.”

“Well, let’s at least continue it in privacy, please,” Erandur pleaded with the Dragonborn quietly.

They sighed, throwing their head back dramatically. “Fine.”

The Dragonborn was relatively steady on their feet as they made their way to their room upstairs, at least until they reached the top step. They tripped, slamming down on their hands and knees.

Erandur’s eyes widened. “Dragonborn? Are you alright?” he asked, when the Dragonborn didn’t move from their position. He placed a hand on their shoulder, only to feel it shaking. Erandur’s concern worsened, but only for a moment, as the Dragonborn’s laughter soon became audible.

“I’m such a goof!” they lamented through their laughter, allowing Erandur to help them to their feet. “A complete goof!”

“You’ve just had a little too much to drink,” Erandur patted their shoulder, as the two headed into their shared room. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Positive,” they said, before pausing. “See, this is what I’m talking about. You always doubt that you’re a good person, yet here you are, all concerned over me simply tripping over my own feet.”

Erandur closed the door behind the two of them. “My being kind to you does not exactly cancel out my servitude to Vaermina,” he said, lowering his voice.

The Dragonborn hummed, flopping on their bed. “And what, all the other good you’ve done also means nothing? Being a Priest of Mara? Helping Sylgia in Shor’s Stone? Saving the people of Dawnstar?” They narrowed their eyes, leaning forward. “Besides, it’s not even like you really wanted to be a servant to Vaermina, if I remember your stories correctly,” the Dragonborn pointed out. “Weren’t you quite literally a child when you were practically forced to join an abusive religious cult out of a means of survival?”

“Don’t try to assuage me of guilt,” Erandur said firmly. “I could have left at any time, but I didn’t. I stayed there through my childhood, through my teenage years, through my adulthood. It was only once things began to go truly bad that I made my escape.”

“If anything, that just shows how strong of a person you are,” the Dragonborn said. “You went through a lifetime of indoctrination, and were still able to break free. Do you realize how hard that is for some people to do? Yet you made the choice to turn away from Vaermina, to turn towards Mara. You did that.”

Erandur hesitated. “Dragonborn…”

The Dragonborn waved away Erandur’s attempted protest. “I’m as stubborn as an ox, Erandur. We could talk in circles about this all evening, but there’s nothing you could say that could make me see you as less than the great man you are.” They crossed their arms. Erandur gave them an exasperated look.

“I’m not trying to fight you on this,” Erandur said patiently. “I just…simply have a different perspective on my own life than you have.”

“Yeah, and that perspective sucks,” the Dragonborn frowned. “You think of yourself as some irredeemable monster.”

“That’s a little extreme…”

“How would you describe yourself, then, hm?” The Dragonborn raised their eyebrows.

Erandur sighed heavily, looking around the small room they shared. “Oh, I don’t know…” He looked at the Dragonborn, then looked away. “I suppose ‘irredeemable monster’ isn’t too far off.”

The Dragonborn was quiet for a moment. When Erandur chanced a glance at them, they looked deeply upset. “Erandur…”

Erandur swallowed hard, looking away from them again. Oh, how he hated himself for making his dear friend make such an expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just…being honest…” He was once again reminded why he always resorted to lying.

“I…appreciate your honesty, I do…” the Dragonborn said, and their voice sounded genuine. “I just…hate that you think such horrible things about yourself.”

The Dragonborn must have gotten up off their bed at some point, for they suddenly grabbed Erandur’s hand, squeezing it gently. Erandur hesitated, looking down at their clasped hands, before looking up at the Dragonborn. Their other hand cupped his cheek, before they leaned forward, kissing him.

Erandur froze, his heart racing faster than it ever had. Then, slowly, he allowed his eyes to flutter shut, as he kissed the Dragonborn back.

The kiss was short, sweet, the Dragonborn pulling back after a couple of moments. They continued to hold onto Erandur, though, gazing down at him with a deep tenderness in their eyes. “You mean the world to me, Erandur.”

“Oh?” was all Erandur could manage to respond.

“I…just thought you should know that…” The Dragonborn briefly butted their forehead up against Erandur’s, before pulling back completely. They once again went over to flop on their bed. “I think I’m gonna try and get some rest…”

“That’s…probably a good idea,” Erandur said softly. He went over to his own bed, settling into it, though he knew he would likely not be able to sleep for hours.

“Goodnight, Erandur,” the Dragonborn called out.

Erandur slowly lowered his hand from his chest, instead digging his fingers into the cool, damp ground beneath him. He inhaled deeply, smelling the embers of the fire that was trying to die, that sat between him and his companion. 

His companion… Erandur looked at the Dragonborn, studied their face in the darkness, his eyes tracing over their sleeping expression. He couldn’t even find it in himself to be annoyed that they had fallen asleep when they were supposed to be on lookout duty - seeing them resting peacefully genuinely brought some amount of calmness to his own heart.

Part of him felt he deserved the nightmares…that this torture was merely what he deserved, after years of service to Vaermina. 

Perhaps sensing Erandur’s eyes on them, the Dragonborn shifted in their sleep, before suddenly waking up. They looked around in a panic, before focusing on Erandur. “Erandur…I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep! I’ve been reading Herbane's Bestiary, and it’s been so riveting that I thought it’d keep me awake, but…as we can see, it did not…”

“It’s alright, really,” Erandur reassured the Dragonborn. 

The Dragonborn still seemed upset at themselves, their expression perturbed. However, their expression changed to one of concern, as they focused their gaze closely on Erandur. 

“Why weren’t you sleeping?” they asked, eyes narrowing slightly.

Erandur hesitated for a moment to respond.

“Don’t you dare be thinking up a lie, Erandur,” the Dragonborn warned, even going as far as to waggle their finger at him. .

Erandur sighed. They knew him too well. “Alright, alright. I had…a nightmare.”

“A nightmare?” the Dragonborn asked, seemingly surprised. But then, it seemed to hit them just how significant nightmares could be to the dark elf. Their eyes immediately widened. “Oh. A nightmare…”

“Yeah…” Erandur said softly.

They hesitated a moment, nibbling on their lip. Then, they stood, walking around the fire to come sit close to Erandur. 

“Do you…want to talk about it…?” they asked, nudging their knee against Erandur’s. 

“I’d rather not,” Erandur said honestly, though it perhaps came out a little colder than he would have liked.

The Dragonborn raised their hands defensively. “That’s fine, it’s your business.”

“It’s just…they’re memories. And not good ones,” Erandur explained. “My theory is that it’s some sort of lingering effect of my time under Vaermina.”

“That could be…” the Dragonborn nodded. “Or it could just be…you know, your brain trying to process those bad memories.”

“Bah,” Erandur muttered, “Regardless of what the reason is, these nightmares are making it difficult for me to get a good night’s sleep.”

“Is that why you’ve been so distracted lately?” the Dragonborn asked. “I knew you seemed tired, more tired than usual, but…” They trailed off. 

Erandur shrugged. “It’s fine. I’ll live. It’s not like it can be helped any.”

“Maybe not…” the Dragonborn mumbled. “Or maybe…”

“Hm?” Erandur gave the Dragonborn a curious look, but was even more confused to find them slightly flushed. 

“I have an idea…it’s kind of silly, but…”

“I’m willing to try anything once,” Erandur said, and for some reason, that made the Dragonborn blush deeper.

“Well…okay. Lay down.”

Erandur paused, before doing as the Dragonborn asked, readjusting his position on the ground. “Okay…”

“Now roll on your side.”

Erandur did as asked, rolling so his back was to the Dragonborn. He waited for further instructions, but all he could hear was the Dragonborn shifting around a bit.

Suddenly, an armor-clad chest pressed itself against his back and a heavy arm draped over his midsection. Erandur jumped, half-turning around, only to come nose-to-nose with the Dragonborn.

“What are you doing?” Erandur asked, red eyes wide.

The Dragonborn’s equally wide eyes darted around self-consciously. “Just…just lay down, okay? I promise, I’m…just going to lay here with you. That’s it.”

Erandur blinked slowly. They were talking so close… “W…why…?”

The Dragonborn sighed heavily. “I’ve just…heard some things.”

“Like?”

“Like…how…sleeping beside someone can help you get a better night’s sleep…?” the Dragonborn sounded unsure of themselves, yet unwavering in their resolve. 

Erandur decided to give in. After all, he had said he’d try anything once. And who knew, maybe somehow, the Dragonborn’s crazy idea would work. “Fine.”

Erandur once again laid down, and the Dragonborn laid down with them. It took a little adjusting, especially considering the Dragonborn was in a full set of armor, but eventually both felt rather comfortable in their positions. An indescribable feeling slowly seemed to overcome Erandur, as they laid there, a feeling he was quite unfamiliar with. Eventually, he was able to put a name to that feeling.

Safe. He felt safe.

Erandur was also struck by the thought that it wasn’t because the Dragonborn was the Dragonborn, that he felt safe. He felt safe because they were themselves. 

These thoughts, they scared Erandur, because they meant something important, he was quite sure. What that important meaning was…he was yet unsure. As with most things he did not want to think about or deal with, he firmly pressed those thoughts into the back of his mind. Instead, he focused on the Dragonborn’s steady breathing, the feeling of their arm wrapped around him, the way his eyes had begun to droop.

On the edge of sleep, Erandur managed to mumble, “Goodnight, Dragonborn.

A faint shout came from the back part of the shop. “I’m back here!”

Elgrim muttered something under his breath, before waving his hand. “She’s in the back, cataloging all the ingredients she’s wasted on her ‘experimenting’.” He rolled his eyes. “You can go back and see her, just don’t take too long.” He paused, before narrowing his eyes and pointing a finger at the Dragonborn. “And don’t get up to any funny business, either.”

The Dragonborn blinked. “Funny business?”

Elgrim suddenly found the shelves behind himself very interesting. “You heard what I said.”

The Dragonborn hesitated a moment longer, before shrugging. They headed behind the curtain that separated the front part of the shop from the back living quarters and storage area. It was a bit darker back here, only a few candles were lit - it took the Dragonborn a moment to locate Ingun, hunched over a case of ingredients. When they approached her, she stood, giving them a pleased smile.

“Oh good, it’s nice to see you back in town,” Ingun said politely, though her eyes were trained on the Dragonborn’s alchemy satchel at their hip.

The Dragonborn chuckled. “Before you even ask, yes, I have your ingredients.”

Ingun’s eyes suddenly met the Dragonborn’s, wide with shock. “You mean…all my ingredients?”

“Yep,” the Dragonborn said, going over to clear a table. They then upended their alchemy satchel, pouring out a mixture of dainty purple flowers, chiming blue-green weeds, and blue flower clusters. Once they were done, they threw their arms out in a presenting manner. “Some pretty flowers for a pretty lady~”

Ingun simply stood there, speechless. There were so many flowers they were spilling onto the floor. She looked between the pile of ingredients and the Dragonborn several times, before she abruptly took a few steps forward.

“Ingun…?”

Ingun flung her arms around the Dragonborn, hugging them close to her in spite of the fact they were much larger than her and in a full set of armor. The Dragonborn immediately returned the hug, gently settling their arms around Ingun’s shoulders, even petting her head comfortingly. Though the Dragonborn did not know Ingun too well, they did know

“No one,” she said suddenly.

“What?” the Dragonborn asked, baffled.

“No one has ever done something for me, so…unselfish and kind…” she mumbled, face pressed against the Dragonborn’s chest.

“It…it’s nothing, really,” the Dragonborn said softly. “I like gathering ingredients, it’s fun!”

Ingun sighed heavily, pulling back. “It’s not just…about the ingredients. It’s the principle of the thing.” When the Dragonborn tilted their head curiously, Ingun waved her hand. “You know what family I’m apart of. You…know how they function. Nothing kind is ever given freely with them. Especially nothing having to do with my craft.”

The Dragonborn gazed at her with soft eyes. “You deserve better,” the Dragonborn said bluntly, yet tenderly.

She gazed back at the Dragonborn. “I think I deserve better too.”

Ingun once again closed the gap between the two of them, only this time she went onto her tiptoes as she kissed the Dragonborn. At first, they did not react…but then they gently lifted a hand, fingers carding through her soft black hair as their other arm wrapped around her to pull her flush against them.

The kiss lasted for several moments and it likely could have stretched on for several more, were it not for the rustling of the curtains. The Dragonborn pulled back, gazing at Ingun tenderly for a moment, before releasing her and stepping back completely.

“Ingun!” Elgrim shouted, as he entered the room. “Where is that shipment of Namira’s Rot that I got in last week-” Elgrim cut off suddenly, eyes narrowing, as he looked between the flushed Black-Briar and the equally flushed Dragonborn. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything~” Elgrim cackled, seeming quite proud of himself.

“No, nothing,” Ingun responded back quickly, a bit too quickly. The Dragonborn merely shook their head, holding their hands up innocently. Probably for the best they kept their mouth shut - they were an awful liar.

“Well…good,” Elgrim said with a firm nod. “So…the Namira’s Rot?”

“R-right!” Ingun went to one of the storage shelves, pulling a crate down, handing it to the old man. He hummed as he looked over the stock, frowning.

“Not very fresh, but I suppose they’ll do.” Elgrim paused, seeming to suddenly notice all the Nightshade, Deathbell, and Nirnroot on the table in the middle of the room. “What the…?”

“Oh! That’s right! The Dragonborn, they found these ingredients for me. Well, technically, for you, since I owed you…but um…yeah!” Ingun wrang her hands.

“Hmph,” Elgrim acknowledged, looking over the ingredients to see what condition they were in. “They seem…adequate,” Elgrim said gruffly. “Good work,”

The Dragonborn seemed mighty chuffed to have gotten such a remark from the surly old man, grinning. Ingun also seemed pleased.

“Well, if either of you two absolutely need me and have to interrupt my work, I’ll be at my Alchemy lab,” Elgrim said, heading for the curtain once more. He paused though, right before exiting. “And Dragonborn. Remember what I said?”

The Dragonborn nodded quickly. “No funny business!”

“And I’ll hold you to that,” Elgrim nodded, finally heading through the curtain, leaving Ingun and the Dragonborn alone once more.

They both stood silently for a moment, before the Dragonborn softly said. “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you again.”

“So do it,” Ingun dared, taking a step towards the Dragonborn, but they sadly shook their head.

“You’re at work. Besides, I…don’t want to piss off Elgrim,” the Dragonborn pointed out.

Ingun sighed, but conceded. “You have a point. His…approval means a lot to me. He’s kind of like…the father I never had…” she admitted.

The Dragonborn suddenly reached out their hand, capturing Ingun’s in theirs. They brought her hand to their lips, gently kissing it softly. “Until next time, then.”