#non-sequential chapter 23

Y/N sighed. Did she actually want to tell him?

“How about when you get back?” She offered and her face twisted into a wince even though she knew no one could see it.

“I can live with that,” he answered.

She blinked. “When will that be?”

“Couple a days. I promise.”

Y/N nodded her head and then realized Steve couldn’t see her. “Where are you?”

“I – I’m sorry, Y/N. I can’t tell you. It’s best if you don’t know anything. The line’s supposed to be secure, but I just – I want to keep you out of my mess.”

“I get it,” she muttered, barely audible.

Steve sighed on the other end. “I’ll be back soon, Y/N. I promise.”

Y/N nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t see it.

There was a moment of silence on the call

“You’re not OK, are you?” Steve challenged.

Y/N’s eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip trembled. “No,” she blurted out.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I should be there.” Even though she couldn’t see him, Y/N knew his head was hanging with disappointment and guilt. “Damn it. I need–I should be there,” he repeated.

“It’s OK, Steve. I’m-I’m with Bucky.”

Then she wondered if that would even give him comfort.

“That’s-That’s good,” Steve answered.

He knew Bucky would look after her. Hell, he was looking after when Steve had been acting like a complete and utter fool.

But there was also a weird, ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach. He refused to analyze it or even acknowledge it. But it was still there. And he hated it.

“Y/N,” even the way he said her name was filled with disappointment, “I gotta go.”

“Mhmm,” she hummed back, trying not to let her emotions all slip out at once and worry him even more. “Do you want to talk to Bucky?” After all, it was his phone that Steve called.

“No,” Steve answered too quickly, too bitingly. “No,” he said again, softer this time, correcting himself. “I’ll talk to him when I get back.”

“Umm…OK.” Y/N was confused by his reaction.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I-I love you too, Steve.”

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Steve kept his promise, returning in the middle of the night just 36 hours after he got off the phone with Y/N.

He was put into an immediate panic when he returned to his room to find that Y/N was not sleeping soundly in his bed. He became even more panicked when she was nowhere to be found in her own personal suite either.

Eventually, Steve ran into a royal guard in the hallway.

“Y/N,” He blurted out like some crazy person. “Shuri told me she would contact me any time Y/N traveled while I was gone. I can’t find her anywhere, but Shuri didn’t tell me.”

The guard seemed confused, but patiently listened. Of course not everyone in the palace knew Y/N or Steve, or the personal and complicated situation that Steve was trying to explain.

“I-I am sorry, Captain Rogers, but I do not know what you speak of. I can wake Princess Shuri or King T’Challa if you–”

“No. No, please, there’s no need for that,” Steve quickly shut that down. But he ran a hand throw his shaggy hair, making it clear that his distress was still strong.

“It is the other guest you are looking for?” The guard asked softly.

Steve nodded.

“Perhaps you will find her at the White Wolf’s home.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “White Wolf?”

The guard nodded. “Your friend. Sergeant Barnes.”

Steve’s jaw clenched. First, out of stupidity. Of course she was with Bucky. Why hadn’t he immediately gone there instead of bringing poor guards into his anxiety? Second, that terrible and ugly feeling found its way back into his gut.

“Thank you,” he told the guard before rushing out of the palace.

Steve made it to the outskirts, where Bucky’s hut resided, in record time. 

Without thinking about the ungodly hour, Steve’s fist tapped on the door of Bucky’s hut.

He didn’t hear movement on the other side, which wouldn’t be surprising since Bucky moved like a snake, unable to shake his assassin training.

The door started unlocking.

Steve expected to find Bucky disheveled with sleepy eyes. But it was clear that super soldier hadn’t been sleeping when Steve knocked on his door.

“Steve, you’re back,” Bucky commented with a lightness.

“Is Y/N here?” Steve asked, not meaning to skip the pleasantries and sound rude.

The question made Bucky shift his weight. “Yeah. Yeah, she’s here.” Then he opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in.

Steve quickly looked for Y/N to be awake somewhere in the hut. Instead, he found her fast asleep… in Bucky’s bed.

Bucky immediately saw what the situation could be misinterpreted as and cleared his throat. “She hasn’t been sleeping well… so she’s been here.” His voice was quiet, making sure he didn’t wake Y/N. Steve ignored Bucky, his eyes never leaving Y/N. He slowly walked forward until he was at the edge of the bed. Upon closer look, Steve realized that she was wearing one of his own t-shirts. One of the few he had since being on the run, which mean it was fraying and littered with holes here and there.

Steve gave a soft smile, finally relieved to see for himself that she was in the present, that she was – for the most part – ok.

He reached forward and brushed hair out of her face, placing it gently behind her ear.

Even in her sleep, Y/N sensed him. She sighed dreamily from just a whisper of his touch.

Steve then leaned back and finally turned his attention back to Bucky.

“Can we talk?” Then he looked at the door. “Outside,” he clarified.

Bucky winced even though Steve’s tone couldn’t have been more tranquil.

Both men gave one last glance at Y/N before shuffling out.

Bucky walked a few paces behind Steve, who didn’t stop walking until they were under the giant marula tree that was planted 50 yards from his hut.

Bucky waited patiently for Steve to speak first. But he seemed too lost in his head to begin.

Steve’s hands were on his hips as he stared into the darkness that surrounded them.

“You kissed her.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “No, Steve, nothing happened. I wouldn’t–I’d never do that. To either of you. I swear she’s just been sleeping here. She didn’t want to be alone.”

Steve finally looked him in the eye. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“The day you fell from the train,” Steve continued. “You kissed her. She tried to get you to stay. Tried to do anything that would stop you from getting on that train. And you kissed her.”

Bucky was blindsided. “She-She told you about that?”

“Was she not supposed to?” Steve challenged with a fire in his eyes.

Bucky had seen it in Steve’s eyes before, but it had never been directed at him. Not even when they fought and he’d tried to kill him as the Winter Soldier.

“No. I mean, yes! Shit.” He shook his head at the fumbling of his words. “What I’m trying to say is that she has the right to tell you anything she wants.” Bucky cringed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“You were always the one to get the girls,” Steve thought aloud. Then he even smiled. “I made a joke of it when she first told me. She thought I’d hate her. Pretty sure she was convinced it would be the thing that broke us up.”

“I almost didn’t think anything of it. Back then, you were in love with another girl every week. Every time, no matter what, you were convinced they were the one.” Steve’s jaw clenched as he turned to Bucky again. “But then, without fail, you’d be on to the next girl as if the last one never even existed.”

Bucky wait for him to continue. He was smart enough to know that this wasn’t his time to talk. So he just had to stand there and take it.

“It didn’t bother me. I never planned to even bring it up.” Steve sighed. “But then I realized how you treated Y/N the opposite of all them. She wasn’t just the flavor of the week. She had stood the test of time. But it’s not time, is it?” Steve waited a moment. He had to find the courage to finally say what had been eating away at him. “You’re in love with her.”

Bucky’s face was pained. There were no words. He couldn’t lie and tell Steve was wrong. But he was also too much of a coward to admit to the truth.

But he owed his best friend something.

“Steve…Steve, I’m sorry.” He felt sick. 

But Bucky was met with silence.

“Steve, please do something,” he begged.

“Do what?” He demanded.

“Hit me! Cuss me out! Tell me that you hate me!”

Steve took a step forward. “Hit you? Hate you?” Even saying the words aloud didn’t make it easier for his mind to wrap around them. How could he ever do either of those things? “You think I brought this up because I want to hurt you?”

“It’s what I deserve,” Bucky mumbled. 

Steve shook his head. “The most ridiculous part is that I can’t even blame you. Because I know you love everything about her that I love.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, Steve. I tried not – damnit! Do you know what it feels like to be in love with your best friend’s girl? I hate myself for it. I never wanted you to know. I tried my god damned hardest to keep it a secret.”

“Haven't you learned by now that you and I can’t keep secrets from each other?”

Bucky chuckled darkly at the comment. He ran his hand through his hair. “Well, if you’re not going to punch me… why did you bring it up then?”

“I don’t know.” Steve lowered his head. “I guess…I guess my jealousy finally made me snap.”

“Jealousy?” Bucky repeated with bewilderment. “Did you forget that you’re the one who already won the girl?”

“I messed up, Buck. I pushed her away. Left her here all alone. She almost died and I wasn’t there for her. But you were. And when I’m gone, you’re the one she goes to.” He sighed. “And as much as I hate to admit it, I still feel like that scrawny kid who was invisible to women. The women that were always falling for you.” He eyed Bucky with sadness. “What’s stopping Y/N from doing the same?”

“The fact that she’s in love with you, Steve.” Bucky answered immediately.

Before Steve could answer, the door of the hut opened.

Both men’s head whipped in the direction of the sound.

Y/N tiptoed out with a blanket wrapped around her.

Her eyes squinted, trying to adjust to the darkness. But even in the Wakandan night, she recognized Steve’s silhouette.

“Steve?” She gasped. 

Then she was running to him.

He tried to meet her, taking quick steps to shorten the distance.

Then she flung herself into his arms. Steve gripped her tightly, lifting her off of her feet. Her face was buried into his shoulder as he rubbed her back in comfort.

They stayed like that for a moment of two.

Bucky had no choice but to witness their love.

When Steve finally set her down, Y/N took in the scene she’d interrupted.

“What’s going on?” She whispered worriedly. “What’s happened?”

Bucky looked to Steve, letting him navigate the situation.

“Nothing. Everything’s fine. I just came to take you back to the palace with me.” He kissed her lips. “I missed you,” he sighed.

“OK…” Y/N gave him a shy smile, believing his words.

Steve held her hand and started leading her back up the hill.

Y/N only got a few steps before she paused. Steve looked at her questioningly. Then she turned and hurried back to Bucky.

Steve stood and watched as he heard Y/N whisper a ‘thank you’ and give him a warm hug. Bucky made eye contact with him as he met her embrace.

No, there was no way Bucky could’ve stopped himself from falling in love with Y/N.

She made that damn near impossible.

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CHAPTER 24

I don’t know how it happened, maybe it was the long weekend or whatever, but I found myself both motivated and inspired. Honestly, it might’ve been because I watched the new Little Women and Jo beat some sense into me lol.