#noempathy

Who taught you that love was all clenched fists and sorrow, picking fights with your bleeding heart beneath your sternum, spewing the words you say you never meant but you said them so frequently. I count the days you’ve made me feel bad over good, and there have been far more nights I’ve spent crying than thanking God for you. I now count my blessings for letting me loosen from your shackles, for giving me enough common sense to leave when you kept the door wide open. There was a long time between when I loved you and now that you didn’t care if I left, so please, don’t try to apologize for the war you started within yourself. You might be sorry for the sorriness you feel, but you’ll never be sorry for who you are, and that person is destructive, covered in ash from every explosion you’ve ever ignited and demolished. I, cannot have empathy for someone who set me on fire, and then blamed me for burning too brightly. I, am no less of a person just because I fell for your tricks, darling, you are great at what you do but you are a terrible lover. I, make no apologies for how I chose to restore what you took from me, loving myself again, becoming the highest priority on my bucket list, and you, you should see this fucking bucket list, all glory and adventure and I know it kills you to know you lost the purest thing for your heart. You will never be let into my world again, golden gates will keep you out from this heart that you shattered and for what? We were never made to be the broken that couldn’t be mended, but you spent months making it that way, unforgiving your selfish past and hanging your demons over my head. I will never be at fault for the way you chose to always be so angry, to hang on to so much pain and mistrust that you missed out on trusting someone new. I, was not the one who toxified the air we breathed, darling I blew out breaths of promise and forevers, and you got high on the air I provided for us, but gave me nothing back to fill my own lungs. So, if you want to apologize for anything ever again, look closely and apologize to yourself for being the lack of a lover you are. For letting your chaos be the hurricane that comes into peoples lives, makes them believe in the love that I did, call it passion, and then leave them to pick up the mess, blaming them for allowing a hurricane to destroy their structure, but that is no ones blame to bare. Sweetie, you are at fault for the messes you make, for the lives you destroy and the hearts you shatter, and I, I will never forgive you for being oblivious to your destruction. I will never not despise you for neglecting to see the hurt you caused, for walking right over my wreckage and laughing at the way I fell apart. Who taught you that love was this fight that can never be won, because I know better than to believe that love is only ever  the pain you caused, all the chaos you stirred up. all the ways you neglected to respect me. I, only ever wanted to love right and always, so don’t you dare try to apologize to me while thinking about yourself.