#noah threads

The plan was to always go over to mias place, to spend time with her. that was the plan. him having taken something that before he had gone over, though, was not. Him running to Mias apartment because he was sure that he had seen a ghost, was not a part of the plan. He hammered on the door, “MIA!” he shouted, “Mia!” He knew that her housemates were out so it didn’t mattered what it sounded like. He just needed her to open the door, so that he could get away from this. So that he could escape who was chasing him. He was so sure that it was him and Noah didn’t know what to do. It couldn’t be him.

he could have made it easier on her, boxed up all her things himself and left them in a neat pile by the door. she could have swept in and be gone in a matter of minutes, along with every last trace of her that remained in his apartment. which was precisely why noah hadn’t done so. a twisted, sadistic part of him that wanted to prolong this interaction so that she wouldn’t disappear so suddenly. even if it only bought him a handful of minutes more with her. seeing yasmine wasn’t even entirely pleasant. her face was an instant reminder that brought back the ache of their break up and allowed the flooding sadness back in. yet that was still preferable to the idea that after today, she’d be out of his life for good. he has no doubts that yasmine had already begun to move on- of course she had. she was the one who had been moving forward this entire time while he held her back. she was probably flourishing without him, a thought that made noah’s stomach twist in torment.

Noah had really been trying with Mia recently. He hadn’t stopped thinking about her since coming out of rehab and he really wanted to make things right with her. They had been hanging out more and more which was why Noah had invited Mia over. He had attempted to cook - though he’d just managed to burn most of it. He thought that it would probably just make the two of them laugh, and that they’d just end up ordering take out. He thought that she could see that he was trying. He loved her. He had always struggled admitting that but he knew that. As he heard the knock at the door, his stomach dropped. He wondered if he was doing the wrong thing, if he was making a fool out of himself. He didn’t do this. He didn’t do the grand gestures - but he was really trying. He took a deep breath before he opened the door, “Hey. Come in.” He smiled, nodding slightly as he stepped aside. “I - uh - I tried to make tacos but - I will not be offended if you just wanna order something.” 

Noah shook his head as Elias stated that Jude was his dad, that he had been the one to raise him, "No. He isn't." He growled. He was really struggling with his feelings towards Jude. Of course he knew that the other had raised him, had been there for him. But Jude & Elias had also watched him struggling to understand why he was the way that he was. He had watched as Noah struggled with addiction, his temper. And he thought that if he just knew that Elias was his father, if he was aware of all of that, then he might feel a little better. He didn't understand why neither Jude nor Ava could see that. "It doesn't MATTER! It doesn't. It hurt just as much because you would've meant the same to me if you were my father or my uncle. You should've told me!" Losing Elias had hurt and he really didn't think that it mattered about the specifics. Elias had been everything to Noah. It would've killed him either way. "What kind of life was it for me here? Being told I was like you, that I was going to become exactly like you. And not having you there. I would've rather been with you - even if we were on the streets. At least you get it. At least you understand what it’s like to be the fuck up. At least you can understand that people are just waiting for me to fuck up. You understand all of that!" And Noah thought that, that was what it all boiled down too. Elias understood him like no-one else could. Noah wasn't generally an emotional person - especially not in front of someone like Elias - but he couldn't help it as he heard the other. "I don't know what is wrong with me! I'm fucked in the head!"