#nj devils angst

“Okay, okay, baby girl, let’s go for a nap, yeah?” Luke’s voice was strained with worry. He scooped her up into his arms, the softness of her skin burning against his. She didn’t protest, a sign that something was seriously off. Usually, she’d fight naps like a champ, insisting she was a big kid. But today she just snuggled into his neck, the heat from her forehead seeping into his skin. He carried her to her room, the hallway seeming to stretch on forever. The gentle squeak of his shoes on the floor was the only sound except for her shallow breaths.

Her nursery was a soft explosion of pink and white, but today it felt like a prison cell. The curtains were drawn, leaving only a sliver of light that painted the room in a sad, yellow glow. He laid her down on the crib mattress, her favorite blanket underneath her. He could hear the faint rattle in her breathing, and it was like nails on a chalkboard to his overworked nerves. He leaned over to kiss her forehead, and that’s when it all clicked. He realized how hot she was against him. She was a little furnace that had been running on overdrive. When he had picked her up first thought was she was warm from overworking herself. All the crying she had been doing was what made her warm. But no. This was definitely different.

Panic took over him like a wildfire. He knew that sound all too well. It was the same sound he heard last winter when she had croup. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the feeling in his gut was heavy. He grabbed the thermometer and quickly scanned her forehead. The beep was like a gunshot, echoing through the room. He checked the display. 102 degrees. His heart plummeted.

With trembling hands, he picked Emersyn up again, cradling her closer to his chest. He didn’t know what to do. Was this just a cold or something more? His mind raced with all the worst scenarios. He needed Rosey, she’d know what to do. He fumbled with his phone, his thumbs slipping over the screen as he typed out a frantic text. “Come home. Emmy’s not okay. Something’s wrong.”

But as he hit send, he knew that wasn’t enough. He needed advice now, and his mother, Ellen, was the next best thing. He dialed her number, his voice wavering when she answered.

“Mom, Emersyn’s not right. She’s so warm and... I don’t know. Her breathing is funny again.” The words tumbled out of him like a waterfall.

Ellen’s voice was calm and soothing, a stark contrast to the chaos in Luke’s mind. “Okay, sweetheart, just breathe. Tell me what’s happening. Is she still crying?”

“No, she’s just... listless. And her breathing, it’s like she’s fighting to get air in. And she’s so warm, Mom. So warm. What if I’ve missed something? What if I’m not doing this right?” The doubt in his voice was palpable, even through the phone.

Ellen’s calmness was a balm to his fear. “You’re doing everything right, Luke. You’re a wonderful father. It’s probably just a fever, but we’ll figure it out together. Has she had any other symptoms? Runny nose, cough, anything?”

Luke’s eyes searched Emersyn’s face as he talked to his mom, looking for any sign of distress she might be trying to hide. “No, nothing like that. She’s just been clingy and whiny all day. And her breathing... I.. I didn’t notice it until I tried to put her down for a nap but I swear..it’s like she’s fighting for every breath she takes. Just like last winter.”

Ellen’s voice remained calm, her years of experience as a mother and grandmother steadying him. “Alright, let’s not panic. It could just be a summer cold, but you’re doing the right thing by keeping an eye on her. Give her some children’s Tylenol to bring down the fever. It’s in the medicine cabinet, right?”

Luke nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Yes, but I’m scared, Mom. What if it’s more than just a cold?” His voice cracked, and he felt his eyes burn with unshed tears.

Before his mother could respond, he heard the sound of the front door bursting open, followed by the thunder of quick footsteps. “Luke? Emmy?” Rosey’s voice echoed through the house, filled with urgency. Relief flooded him, and he rushed out of the nursery, Emersyn still in his arms.

Her eyes searched the room, finding him in the hallway. They widened when she took in their daughters state. “What’s wrong?” She demanded, breathless.

He met her gaze, his eyes pleading. “Her breathing, it’s off. And she’s so warm. I don’t know what to do. I called you because...” His voice trailed off, his throat tight with emotion.

Rosey took Emersyn from his arms, her eyes scanning her daughter’s flushed face. She felt her forehead and nodded gravely. “We need to get her temperature down. Did you give her anything?”

“No, I just took her temperature and texted you. I didn’t know what to do. I called my mom too. She reminded me to give her medicine but then you got home.. God Ro. See I can’t do this without you here I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Rosey’s heart ached for the fear etched on Luke’s face. He was a fantastic father, but she knew he had moments of doubt like anyone else. She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt for not being there when he needed her most, but he only has a couple free mornings and errands were demanding her attention. But now was not the time for self-recrimination. Emersyn’s health was the priority.

“Let’s get her some water and meds,” she said, taking the lead. She moved swiftly to the kitchen, her shoes slapping against the cold tile floor. Luke followed, his eyes never leaving their daughter. Rosey grabbed the children’s Tylenol and a sippy cup filled with lukewarm water. The kitchen was bathed in the yellow glow from the nursery, a stark reminder of the concern that now filled their usually cheerful home.

Back in the living room, she placed Emersyn in her play pen, surrounded by her favorite toys. The play pen had seen countless moments of giggles and growth, but today it was a makeshift sick bay. She unwrapped the fever reducer, and with a gentle touch, gave it to Emersyn. Their daughter’s eyes searched hers, full of trust despite her discomfort. With trembling hands, Luke gave her the water, his eyes never leaving hers. They watched as she took a sip, the medicine quickly following. Emersyn’s tiny hand clutched the cup, her grip tight.

Once the medicine was down, Rosey turned to Luke, her eyes softening. “Thank you for texting me. You did the right thing. We’re in this together, okay? Everything with Em is on both of us, not just on you or on me. It takes two, or an army as momma Ellen says.” She leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. The tension between them eased slightly.

“Thank you, believing in me, Ro,” Luke murmured, his eyes never leaving their daughter. The words hung in the air, heavy with meaning. It wasn’t just about this moment, it was about every moment he felt inadequate as a father. Every time he didn’t know what to do, every time he second-guessed himself, every time he thought he was failing. Her belief in him was like a beacon in the fog.

Rosey leaned her head on his shoulder, her hands intertwined with his. “Lukey, I’ve believed in you since we were kids, of course I’m going to believe in you with our baby girl,” she whispered, her voice a balm to his fear.