#ninjaberri

write this on my tombstone.

nah ur tombstone would be more like "here lies kaylee, she was hella gay"

No, don't be sorry! I debated leaving that personal bit in, but I ultimately decided that if it helped others people gain an understanding of the subject then perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to be a little open about it. <3

I thought about this for a while before I answered, because it's a good question about a complex and somewhat delicate subject and I wanted to give it the response it deserved. 

I'm a massive fan of the Joker/Harley Quinn ship. They were the reason that I became a part of the Batman fandom in the first place. I've watched their Batman: The Animated Series episodes so many times that I've lost count, and Mad Love (the comic that explains Harley's origins and how she came to be involved with the Joker) is one of my all-time favorite Batman stories. I fell head-over-heels for them, to put it plainly. There's just something about their relationship that draws me towards them and makes me feel such a wide range of emotions in a way that I've experienced with only a few other things; I guess I would say that they make me feel sort of...complete? I know that may sound very weird, but I am the type of person that cares deeply (sometimes too deeply) about the things that bring me happiness, and that includes the Joker/Harley ship and the Batman mythos in general.

BUT

I would be an absolute fool to deny that there are aspects of their relationship that are very, very problematic, with the most glaring example being Joker's treatment of Harley. He berates her, often by insulting her intelligence, and at times he is flat-out physically abusive. And unfortunately, I sometimes see this being overlooked a lot by fans of the pairing. At best it's pushing unpleasantness under the rug, and at worst it's glamorization of domestic violence. I have even seen survivors of abuse being outright attacked by fans for daring to point out Joker's abuse of Harley or saying that they find the paring triggering--that sort of behavior is disgusting and shameful, and I can't even begin to describe how overwhelmingly entitled it is to feel that a fictional relationship is more important than the actual experiences of a living, breathing abuse survivor. 

Does that happen often? No. But it shouldn't happen at all. 

Without getting too personal, I witnessed domestic abuse for the entirety of my childhood, and years later as an adult I am still seeing the devastating effects it leaves behind long after the abuse has ended. And so as much as I love the ship, I don't see anything cute about a woman being sent to the hospital after being pushed out of a window by her boyfriend. I don't see anything cute about Harley being back-handed across the face for displeasing Joker. I don't see anything cute or sweet or romantic about Harley being abused in any way, shape, or form, because it's domestic violence and domestic violence is ugly.

SO WITH THAT SAID

I could go on and on about what I do like about their relationship--the way she calls him puddin', the smile on her face when she succeeds in making him laugh, how deliriously happy she looked when she drove away from Arkham after breaking Joker out while he cackled with laughter in the seat next to her. I think that is what people are attracted to, and that is what they want in a relationship. That sense of careless fun, of living every day like it was your last alongside the person you love, to feel so hopelessly head-over-heels in love with someone that you would give up everything just to be with them....I can see why people would want that and be attracted to it, particularly if--like Harley--they are dissatisfied with their lives and want their own Joker to come along and take them away from their unhappiness. 

Dan Howell