last night was filled with nightmares i still feel but can't remember. at the end, i dreamt that i was in wooden walled basement, eating a lime, skin and all, like an apple, and through the square hatch to the floor above, i heard a chorus of plaintive voices calling me, almost wailing, and when i accepted that i was going to them, i woke up

this morning when i turned on the lights, i found that the fallie sewn lambeopard of the apocalypse that lives on my nightstand, had (been) turned to face the corner, sometime in the night

day before yesterday, when i was out rambling in the woods, i found myself deep in the vision of an entire future that i might have, a way that the pieces of my life might combine and transform into something completely different than what i live now. i try to stay out of the future, but this was nice. i saw all of the big and little details of a life. i saw myself wearing clothes that i wouldn't wear, but might, with friends i wouldn't have, but could. in the moment, by the river, it felt like epiphany, then yesterday i found myself tearing it down into little pieces of reverie and scraps of fantasy, but this morning, after a worry of nightmares, i woke up feeling like the epiphany can still be saved