#nightmareonhelmst

Reading emotions always remained a difficult task for her, and expressing them seemed to be harder by tenfold, but it wasn’t hard to miss the affection in Epimetheus, especially when he always reminded her of it through words or even small gestures. In some way, she wanted to pay that back by trying to be human, and he taught her near all that she knew. However, as aforementioned, the experience was frustrating on both ends through Pandora’s blunders. He’d say something of how he loved her, and she knew it’d hurt him when she didn’t echo his sentiments, to the point that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he stopped reminding her altogether. At least then she could have told herself that she didn’t owe him anything, because trying to be in tune with her humanity seemed a hopeless task. Too, as said in the other prompt concerning Pandora and the box, she also struggled with self doubt on account of having her control slip. 

Yet, it was exactly the moment that she stopped trying to be human for someone else that she made progress. It no longer mattered about paying a debt to Epimetheus, she wanted to be human because she wanted to love him, not because he wanted her to. Albeit, it wasn’t some earth shatteringly cataclysmic moment in which she gained her humanity in one go, but smiles began to really express her happiness and holding Epimetheus wasn’t always for his own benefit anymore and she started living for once.

But how does this parallel with Evelyn?

In many ways, they’re both similar, Evelyn and Pandora. They struggle to express themselves through ways in which they’ve been “bred”. However, Evelyn had always been self-motivated when it came to trying to be in tune with her emotions and has always been very independent whereas Pan initially felt as though she had to rely on Epimetheus and do everything for him, even to the point that breathing felt like it was for his sake. Then again, I also feel as though Evelyn is a more evolved Pandora, a different version that might have become of her in her past life if she’d been given the time but has instead come out of the curse. Also, they both very much contain self loathing which can be quite crippling and even breed cynicism but at the same, there’s never a moment where they’re not trying to be happy. While to a degree, Pandora can be found to be a victim of learned helplessness, there’s also a part in both of them that refuses to wallow in self pity forever. Secondly, they’re both very withdrawn emotionally, even thought to be heartless where they lack the capacity to connect to others. Evelyn, however, unlike Pandora, developed spite for others under the weight of their judgements. It didn’t scare her as it did Pandora, but angered her. 

After all, when she’d been made, the gods comprised her of many things, but primarily was her insatiable curiosity. No matter how hard she pushed the thoughts away, they were always lingering, dancing on her thoughts and whispering things into her ears to the point that it became maddening. It seems easy to say that she could have just focused on other things or in some way or another, ignored her curiosity, but it has to be understood that she couldn’t not help it. For Pandora, not being intrigued by the pithos at all was like not laughing at something amusing or even, in some extremes, not breathing when her lungs begged for air. While this was going on, she wanted desperately to go to Epimetheus, but she also wanted to prove herself. Pandora somehow knew that she’d been expected to open it, in some way. 

I mean, she was expected to do this and obviously, it pissed her off. The only problem was, they were well based expectations as, like it’d been said, her interest with the box became an all encompassing obsession. You have to understand that Pandora, she’d stare at it, pace around it, brush her fingers dangerously along the edge of the close. It was never easy to open the box and she certainly didn’t rush at the opportunity. Like, its very existence mocked her, and she felt extreme discomfort at the feeling of being at the mercy of herself when she was supposed to be in control — she thought of it as one of Epimetheus’ theories on being human. The “control theory” was essentially that humans were supposed to be in control of themselves, naturally, but Pandora never did feel all human. Trying to be one seemed hopeless, like she was still only made of the earth — insides hollowed out with nothing of a soul or heart, you know? Curiosity brought on by the unopenable box made her doubt herself, and thinking that all would be set at ease if she did, she dared to crack open the pithos after agonizing and agonizing over it. She didn’t open it because she was wicked like some depictions of the story say, or because she was stupid, or on account of the fact that she simply felt like it. This literally toe her up, and messed with her in ways that she simply couldn’t handle. Not opening the box, in a strange way, felt like torture — and she caved. 

Before she could even slam it shut, the terrible horrors leaked out — they looked like nothing at all, but everything too, tearing holes in the sky as they whipped past her. She thought to reach out for them, shove them back in the jar — bury the jar somewhere far under the ground from which she’d been made of, but they were too impossibly fast. She knew as soon as it happened that she’d screwed up. The awfulness was, too, that these evils came full circle for her. Self hatred, something I’d consider among the terrors, began to eat at her for what she’d done — not just guilt, but full on self depreciation, and another feeling she couldn’t quite describe, but one which made her wish the evil would return and swallow her whole ( depression was another thing I imagine came out of the box ). Pandora didn’t even think before slamming the lid shut on what next thought to flutter out, basing all her weight on whatever terrible thing could be left inside. Literally all she wanted to do was throw it against the wall, burn it down to nothingness, or pretend it never had existed. 

Baited by her frustration, she took to the former, throwing the box to the wall with all her might so that it might crack and crumble across the floor. It did — break, and as it did, the single thing left to escape flew weakly up from the broken pieces. I always saw this last entity as being maybe not so devastating as the others, but made strong by faith. Hope, as she found it was called, drew the previous horrors from her bones almost entirely, gone after the rest before Pandora could have blinked her eyes. For a moment there, in the wake of hope, it seemed as though everything would have been alright — but then came the reckoning of Zeus — the punishment that came with her opening the box, and the beasts which once ravaged her soul returned in her lost faith, which like I said, is something I imagine can only exist if you believe it can. 

These words confused her at the time, not able to comprehend the meaning of them. When she was 11 years old, her mother ran away with a rich man who had found himself in deep debt. Her mother had fallen in love, but she did not wish to take her daughter with her on a dangerous escape. She left thinking Antonia would be provided and cared for by an old lover of hers, but she was kicked out on the streets only hours after her mother had left town and paid for her care, who only saw her as unnecessary trouble. She lived on the streets for a few days, begging for food and coins. On her fifth day out, her mother's old friend found her sitting out in the rain, freezing and shivering. The woman simply known as Daisy brought her back to her brothel and took her in. Daisy later became her mentor and taught her the life of a prostitute.

Although, when Antonia was 13 years old, others had begun talking about her beauty. She began transforming into a woman and everyone took note of her apparent beauty. The blonde hair became longer and the curls started to come into their own. Her blue-greenish eyes started bringing her attention from the boys around her. Her lips became more fuller as she lost her "puppy" fat. Daisy decided to teach her about conversation and dance as well, knowing the pretty little girl would be able to seduce lords and kings. She finished her education at 16 and began working in the brothel. Men began asking specifically for her and Daisy began to charge more her time. Antonia quickly grew into the role, loving the attention and the praise she got from everyone around her. She felt important for the first time in her life since during her childhood she was mostly ignored or forgotten about. This has led her to make a connection between people liking her and her beauty, she truly believe this is the main reason why people spend time with her. The compliments made her ego grow and so did her ambitions.