#nightmare.personal

listening to the narcissist cookbook's MYTH: Side One and already blown away by the concept of the album like genuinely, the narcissist cookbook out of every artist i have listened to is capable of the most insane storytelling throughout an album. but also like, i just finished beach piano and (1) new song to be obsessed with and (2) the vocals on this album are soooo impressive and especially in beach piano. like truly batshit insane way of making me feel. still listening so i'll keep y'all updated but ugh i'm so into it as is

remembering the fact that there is sort of a vague taboo in fan content to not talk about sexual assault/trauma because it's like Too Much of a headcanon versus people will write extensive aus of people's families dying or like childhood abuse but once you reach sexual trauma that is suddenly crossing a line. thinking about how this exact logic exists in actual literature critique and also in the real world and why i have to toe around talking about my life. because it will be Too Much. plague upon this earth

i forgot how much better life is when you have roommates like. it's easier to sleep with another person there it's easier to get things done when you know there's someone on the couch listening to music eating raspberries and another person doing paperwork at the table there's just such a like. coexistence vulnerability to it that makes it feel a little easier to be a person. knowing you don't really have to say anything. knowing that if something happens to you three people are there.

every time i'm reminded of the fact that daniel howell, amazingphil, and danandphilgames has full captions i want to kiss those men on my mouth (and all of their team who does the captions)

hi sorry this is. a lot. but after like skirting around it for so long i finally just told my best friend about the Bad Thing That Happened With My Old Best Friend. and i still have to have more conversations about it and i don't really feel assured totally but it's still insanely fucking comforting to hear him validate me and also say clearly that he didn't think of me differently or like, blame me, despite all the things i've gone through. like he didn't see me as the common denominator. and we just like hung out after. i don't know. it's really nice honestly