#nicknames from hell

NO!! NOT CATHY!!  Catherine or Cat, not Kat or Kathy. Did you hear me say Cathy????? No???  Then why do you assume to call me that? I didn't hear you say dumbass so I don't call you that.... 

And don't assume you know me well enough to shorten my name to that because if you REALLY knew me you wouldn't have to be reminded of the above. Soooo...

My name is Marcella.  It's not Melissa, Priscilla, or even Maricela. 

My name is Marcella.  I don't care if you screw up and spell it with an S, but please don't say it with a ch. 

My name is Marcella.  It's just 8 letters, but they all matter to me so, no, you can't call me Marcie because that's easier for you.  Suck up a deep breath and splurge on the whole three syllables.

Like Weird , but with a D in the front and an RA at the end. It could have been something even more interesting had my mother named me during her Carl Sagan period instead of her famous Irish suicide period. 

Its grown on me and because my name forced me to become proficient at enunciation at a very early age, I know it's NOT me - it's you ! 

So listen up - you self absorbed, half in the conversation, slack jawed jackasses : it is NOT Deedra, Deedre, Deerda, Dearda, Deirdre, Diedra, Deerdrop( I kid you not) or DeDa. It most certainly is not JoJo or Ginger - (wtf). And if you think it is remotely acceptable to call me D or DeeDee - please come closer so I can slap you upside the head. 

It's Berthold.  Not Bertold or Bertolt or Burtold.

And it's pronounced BEAR-told.  Not BURR-told or BURT-hold or BUTT-hole.  Fuck you.

Don't call me Bert or Bertie.  I introduce myself as Berthold, so call me that.

Nancy.  

2 syllables. 

Not Nance.  Not Nan. 

Two.  Freaking.  Syllables. 

Yep, Thomas. It isn't rocket science, it is the 10th most common male name in the US. Ok, that part is simple, everyone knows how to say it, everyone knows how to spell it.

But I'll tell you what - when I introduce myself and say my name is Thomas, that doesn't mean you get to say "Hello Tom, nice to meet you". If my name was Tom, I'd say Tom. It's not. I hate that fucking d-bag name. My name is Thomas, which is why I said "Hi, I'm Thomas" when we first met. 1 does equal 1, ass-hat.

That's right. Ginger. Yes, like on Gilligan's Island. Really? You had a dog/horse/gerbil named Ginger when you were young? I DON'T CARE. And yes, I know my hair isn't red.

Don't call me Ginger Ale, Ginger Snap, Ginger Spice...

"Could I have your name please?" "Yes, it's Ginger." "With a J?" Who spells Ginger with a J? Jinjer?

Not Ginny. Not Ging (I especially hate this one. There are only 2 more letters. Use them.) Ginger is already a nickname. I don't need a nickname for my nickname. Not Cindy. I don't even know where you got that from.