okay so iâm trying some stuff out so pls give me a chance. so hereâs to a first post on my blog :)) please let me know if I should leave this be or make a part two.
|| matt and you get into your first major fight in your relationship and it brings worry to you about your future as a couple. words and insults are exchanged. *if yelling or relationship fights bother/upset you please read at your own descretion*Â
warnings: swearing, angst?, meanish!matt and angry!reader | 18+ blog | please do not repost my writing as your own, tia! Š not betaâd iâm so sorry yâall (if someone would want to be a beta reader for me iâd really appreciate it ! or if you want to be mutuals iâd love that even moreso :) )
âI donât know Karen, I just feel like heâs too out of my league, I mean heâs Matt fuckinâ Murdock.â you shared. âI just feel like Iâll never be good enough for him. Itâs hard enough letting him in but Iâm trying. He tells me the bare minimum, I feel like now that the âhoneymoonâ phase is over, Iâm just gonna lose him completely.â
Karen looked at you with such sad but understanding eyes. âY/N, you and Matt are literally the complete fit to each other. I couldnât think of two more perfect people to be together. Youâve been hurt a lot in the past, and so has Matt. Itâs just something that you both need to work on. I think you should go home and talk to him. If youâre having this much worry, you know that he probably knows too.â She explained.Â
âUgh I guess youâre right Kar, I should probably be heading home anyways. Thanks for the drinks and advice. Iâll fill you in tomorrow about how it went.â We parted ways and you headed home in the rain, allowing yourself the space to think.Â
You walked into Mattâs building thinking about what Karen told you. You just need to learn how to express this in an adult way and things will get better. Barely getting up the stairs to his loft, when you heard yelling coming from his apartment. Instantly getting worried and sprintig the rest of the way, barely getting the damn door open. You were expecting the absolute worst but what you walked into broke your heart into pieces.Â
âFoggy give up, Iâm not going to say a damn word to Y/N about it okay? Now drop it!â he exclaimed. âShe means everything to me, it doesnât matter that Elektra is back in New York. What happened the other night shouldnât have happened, I know that.â You slammed the door shut, which finally got his attention. Especially for someone with hightened senses, you mustâve caught Matt off guard becuase when he sensed you were there, his entire demeanor changed. His shoulders dropped and his voice was merely over a light frantic whisper. He just appeared comepletely distraught.Â
The other night? Knowing about Mattâs extracurriculars as night falls always worry you, but Elektra is one thing that terrifies you beyond belief. He quickly hung up with Foggy and turned to face you.
âFuck, Y/N it really isnât what you think it is.â he pleaded.
âReally Matt what does it seem like to me, huh?â You could sense your blood beginning to boil; Getting nervous and angry all at the same time. âWhat the hell were you doing with Elektra? You promised me that you were done with that chapter of your life.â
âY/N I promise I am done with her. If you could let me expl-â You cut him off before he could even begin, and looking back at it you knew it was wrong but still anytime her name is mentioned, nothing but trouble follows.
âI know that relationships are hard for you, donât think that they are easy for me to for Christâs sake. I worry about you constantly when you go out on patrol but we know what happened last time Elektra and you were together. I almost lost my best fucking friend and literal love of my life. Do you think thatâs fair to me, Matthew?â The tears were collecting at the bottom of your eyes, you just knew you were going to fall apart during this. âI let you in, let you know the good, the bad, the dirty about me. You never LET me in, I have to beg and plead with you. I know that you have been hurt many times in life but no one has hurt you more than she has. So please tell me why the fuck you were with her.â
âI know you and I arenât good at this relationship thing but we are the best for each other. I want you to know that I love you unconditionally, okay?â He was starting to tear up too, if you werenât so upset with him you wouldâve stopped when you saw this. âI was out the other night and she found me on a rooftop, she corned me and tried to get me to come back and help her with something. I tried to explain to her again that I was done and I meant it. I told her I was happy with you and the life I was living now, without her. Before I could even do anything, she was kissing me, but please you have to believe me I didnât want her.â
When those words fell from his lips, you lost it entirely. Now you were full blown sobbing and yelling at this point. Not caring what he had to say. âI donât believe you, you cave so fucking easily when she is anywhere close to you. I knew you could never let her go. I knew I would never compare, Karen was wrong. She even tried to tell me that I should talk to you about how I was feeling but its useless now.â You were hitting his chest out of pure frustration and anger, you had never felt so small compared to his tall frame. He tried to grab your arms in a prevention of the blows to his chest but more so trying to prevent you from accidentally hurting yourself in the process.Â
âDonât you ever fucking tell me that I love Elektra more than I love you. How can you even say something like that? Do you think Iâm not trying in this relationship? Itâs hard letting you in, with her I didnât have to struggle with sharing things with her, because I didnât have any reason to have to hide. Itâs exhausting trying with you sometimes. I mean so little to you that you had to fucking go to Karen and complain about how I donât let you in?âÂ
When he said that you ripped your arms out of his grasp and just ran from him. âY/N I didnât mean it like that, baby please just listen to me.â He pleaded. You could feel the panic rising in your body so you just ran into the bathroom and hid. Locking the door behind you, your body slid down the door crying. You heard him on the other side of the door begging you to come out.Â
âPlease Y/N I didnât mean it like that. I pushed her off the second I knew what was happening. I didnât kiss her back and I told her to never contact me or anyone I know again. I donât want her, I want one woman forever and always and itâs you. Itâs always been you.â You could hear the pain-ridden tears through the door but you were still hurting nonetheless. âPlease baby open the door, let me fix everything please. Please just open the goddamn door.â
You were in a full blown panic attack and couldnât stop gasping for air. It was like your lungs were on fire and nothing you could do would slow the spread of it. You knew he could hear this and you just hear the concern growing further in his pleas.
âY/N open this fucking door, please baby. Youâre scaring me.â he pleaded. âPlease Y/N just open the door, let me fix everything. Baby just open the door, let me in.â
At this point you werenât able to control your breath and were becoming increasingly lightheaded. Your body and mind just gave out completely, plus the alcohol probably wasnât helping. You tried to stand up and your body wouldnât allow any movement towards the door.Â
All Matt could hear were choked out sobs that were just as painful than any physical damage he had taken before. He was desperately trying to open the door, and not wanting to cause any physical harm to you he didnât put that much strength into slamming into the door.Â
âY/N please, Iâm begging you please just let me in.â he was sobbing to you at this point. You knew that it wouldnât end well if you kept at the rate you were going, gasping for air. Your body never took well to your overwhelming anxiety and panic attacks were never a simple thing when it came to you. Although you were mad, you went against your better judgement and mustered all your strength to move over and lean up against the cabinets. Right arm creeping up just enough to reach above and unlock the door.Â
The second the lock was turned Matt was shoving his way inside and crouched down to your level. There are times like these that youâre almost glad Matt canât see; You never like breaking down and itâs never a sight youâd want him to witness with his eyes. Although, youâre sure he was able to put the scene together in his mind due to his senses. He sat down right in front of you and pulled your body into his arms. You were a shuddering mess, still sobbing and gasping for air. His quiet coos trying to console you and regain control of your breathing. Appreciative of his efforts, they didnât do much to help you.Â
âY/N Iâm so sorry I didnât mean the things I said. I wasnât thinking and it just sorta came out.â He stated somberly, âI love you more than anything and I just canât lose you.â
At this point your breathing was now somewhat controlled, still shaky nonetheless. You looked up at him and sighed. âMatt I know you love me but I donât know how much more of this I can take. You werenât even going to tell me any of this had happened had I not walked through the door.â You cried into his chest. âI know you have your secrets and I have mine but Iâm trying here. I love you too but I canât keep playing this game of mental torture. Itâs exhausting, and I donât think we can make it out of this.âÂ
âWe can make it out of this Y/N, please just give me the chance. I need you, youâre my entire life, my breath, my every thought, my existence.â He sobbed. âPlease Y/N, I need you.âÂ
âI know honey but I just need time.â You started to get up and get your things packed in a small bag you spotted in the corner of Mattâs room. He heard you start to pack but he knew better than to keep arguing as it would only drive you further away. You walked to the door and turned back to Matt.
âI promise one day Iâll be back and ready to make these things work Y/N, just please open the door for me baby.â He softly spoke. And just like before, you found yourself alone walking the streets of Hellâs Kitchen.Â