#newjeansxgnreader

Synopsis: in everything you do you always see the sadness, the negativity that it brings due to the fact that life has been so harsh to you ever since you grew up, until you met her.

word count: 1,403

You’re a lively kid back then, always the jolly one in class, the one who always seems to join public events. Participating in basketball tournaments, debate teams, you have it all, the brain, the brawn and friends. life is easy back then be the fastest kid on the court and be the loudest on the debate team, but now? being fast doesn’t matter if you don’t have the skill to pair it with, being loud doesn’t matter if you don’t have the knowledge to back it up.

All the things you had back then? you can never seem to grasp them now nor even seen them. you were just above average back then you aren’t different. Your future slowly fades in black as time slowly marches forward.

Its your last college day, everyone was ready for a party...but you? you don’t have anything in mind. Just rot in bed all day, probably finish your second pack of cigar for the day, or empty out another beer case that you loaned for. your life isn’t the path you took but the path that took you due to your overconfident ego back then.

while walking back to your apartment near the street you see an array of posters for a music night? hey, you like music right? why not go. you thought to yourself, in your mind you decided to just lay in bed listen to slow amber music while you pass out but your body says otherwise, as you walked towards the location, you arrived said your phone. its a worn out shack laced with LED lights all over, its like a haunted house more than a night club. as you entered it was jampacked of people holding beer bottles, eating food and just having fun easing away their pains and problems, its a place where you can get rid of your problems “for a moment.” slow jazz music was playing in the background, waiters working earnestly for their paycheck, barista serving customers under dim lit lights it was a vibe you can get under in.

you ordered a fresh glass of beer and sat between the elevated chairs near the counter and that's where you met her... a quiet girl in the corner, covered in black clothes and long hair, she doesn’t stand out but she radiates a different aura, you’re quite drawn to it weirdly enough.

you didn’t have the courage to talk to her but something in your mind tells you that you should at least ask how she is, you ignored this over the night but it keeps bugging you like a rock in your shoe, after finishing your drink you decided to at least ask her. You stood up and touched her back. she was startled but regained composure after looking at you. “wow she’s beautiful” you thought to yourself. “you need anything creep?” she said in a low soft tone. “Ah I was just wondering if you’re doing okay.” you said nervously. “I’m alright” she said in a straightforward tone, nothing more nothing less. as she returned to her sleep tucking in her head over her arms.

your feelings lightened it feels like you did a good deed for some weird reason, you paid for your glass and left, walking through the cold lonely night. Yeah your problems may had faded away earlier but it sure came back pretty quickly, every failure you managed to earn floods back to you, every mistake you couldn’t avoid hits you like a bat, every dumb decision you did stabs you right in the heart, as you walked down the empty sidewalk and overhearing the loud AC’s of apartment you walked past you lit up a cigar, exhaling the fumes for a temporary relaxation is something you grew fond off.

you realized the countless times you need to fake a smile, every time you go to class, faking a smile, faking laughter just so you couldn't affect your surroundings, it pains you but you can’t help it...its like you draw bad omen unto everyone whenever you open up your feelings, just like what happened to your last relationship, you opened up and look who’s all alone again? you got used to bottling up your feelings towards everybody, self sabotaging yourself every time, its painful but its a small price to pay for friends right?......right?

After a week you caught yourself going to the same night club over and over again, its like an overly expensive cigar minus the deathly fumes that gets rid of your life every time you light one, and those countless times you go there you always see her at the same corner, you’re so eager to know her name, you aren’t normally friendly, but her aura draws you like a mosquito to a bright lamp. after the 7th time you spent your time in there you finally gathered all your courage to ask for her name. you walked and walked until you were at front of her, she was sleeping all tucked as usual you reach for her and tapped her shoulder....”hey.” you whispered. she looks up and see’s you “you again?” she said with her usual tone. “yeah!, me again haha.” you said sarcastically “cut to the chase creep.” she groaned. “I-i just wanted to know what your name is....” the deep silence was filled in by the loud jazz music. “K-kang Haerin.” she said softly “Ka-kang Haerin?” you repeated. she perked up at the call of her name, she’s not used to someone calling her name that softly. “Nice to meet you!, I’m Y/N” you exchanged. you thought to yourself “I did it!” “nice to meet you Y/N” she said softly. “nice to meet you too, Haerin.” in a faint voice almost copying her. She thought “who is this guy? why would he approach me so suddenly? almost denying the spark she felt inside her. She can’t lie to herself that she can’t feel a connection, there is definitely one.

as you two talked over the loud jazz music and the murmur of the crowds, exchanged hobbies, talked about interests. its going so smoothly even grabbing her number.

“I got to go Haerin, see ya tomorrow if you’re here.” you said while fixing your jacket, she nods while she returns to her usual position eager to sleep again.

you left the night club with a little smile on your face, its a refresher for how hard life is on you for these couple of years, it seems that things are finally taking a turn for the better.

As time pasts by, you and Haerin spend all the night together at the nigh club, but as the Day and Night exchanged greetings to the earth....your expenses piled up, your rent is due and your problems piled up like trash on a party. with all of these weighing you down, you caught yourself at the balcony of your apartment debating whether you should just end it all, maybe the other side won’t be as bad as your life here on earth, with that on mind you were also debating whether to tell Haerin your problems. But scarred from the past you can’t bring yourself to tell her them, after another pack of cigar...you can’t help but sigh as the night looks you directly at the eyes, it was calming I guess it was the earth showing pity to you.

you reflected to yourself on how you bring bad omen to everyone around you, you see sadness in everything even in things you can’t mentally feel sad too like petting a dog or spending time with family, its a bad habit of yours that you can’t get rid off...getting drunk? yeah it gives you temporary pleasure, smoking a blunt? yeah sure you’d get high but the sadness that’s lingering inside you for your whole life drags you down like its personal. you can’t open up to anyone. Eventually messaging Haerin but after 3 even 4 hours, she left you on delivered. You realized that no one really wanna deal with you and your problems.

Climbing the railing of your balcony and smoking the last stick you had...you realized that maybe the other side isn’t so harsh on you.

“Heaven knows, I’m Miserable now”