#newatthis

Work in progress, but getting there. #art #newatthis https://www.instagram.com/p/CAyDP5onHrm/?igshid=1ivb9xrzh9zap

As I write my first post, I find myself not really sure where to start... so to keep it basic, I’ll just introduce myself. I never planned to make a tumblr account before, and to be honest, I’m shocked to have fully gone through with it. You see, I’m currently on a journey to find what exactly I want to do with my life. All that I know is, I’m not 100% happy at my current job, nor do I make the money you’d expect from the type of job I do in the first place. At least, those who are not in the field would expect. So as I finally found myself having some time off from work,(*cough cough* thanks coronavirus) I decided to really dive into the many different skills I can build, and possibly excel at making it into my own freelance business. I’ve considered a few options now, and I’m noticing that they are very much related to writing. Copywriting, blogging, proofreading, etc. But I do have to admit, I’m not the best writer out there. I haven’t picked up a book and read it in a matter of 2-3 days since junior year of high school, nor have I written a good paper in a while. So I’m not dead set on the idea just yet. I’m also considering learning to be a web developer and take some coding bootcamps, or a graphic designer, or a logo maker even. Now, it is understood that some of these require artistic skills. I used to enjoy drawing so much and always wanted to get into painting, but sometime either during or right before high school, I quickly began to lose interest in any of the hobbies I had spent all of my time on growing up, which included drawing, reading, and writing. I could go on about how high school and adulthood have really taken so much motivation away, but that’s some other depressing post for another day. The point is, I’m currently on a  journey of  re-developing some skills and discovering new ones, not just to enjoy, but to make it into a career. To figure out whether writing and blogging would be a good idea for me, I needed a platform I could dip my toes into and test out the waters. As I did my research to see which platform could get me started, tumblr popped up as one of the top options. So I thought, “What the heck?” and made myself an account. I’m coming in here with an open mindset and plan on posting miscellaneous items since this blog is more for recreational and educational fun. Oh! Almost forgot, I have a name too! Johanna RF. You don’t gotta know the details. I’ll write more posts about who I am and my life and whatnot in separate posts later. It’s past midnight and I can hear my husband snoring away and moaning in his sleep as I type this. That’s my cue to call it a night. Have a good night! Or morning, whatever time of day it is when you read this. 

I will never forget the astonishment I felt after looking into forever. The quiet and yet busy night, feeling the wind caress my face with the warm brush of each of the gust’s fingers frolicking around it and dancing with my hair. Never have I felt so alone and yet so sought after, being flooded with company along with nothing but my thoughts and wishes in the vast open sky above me leading towards the heavens. I failed to see anyone around or in sight, but the glistening, twinkling, blinking eyes in the darkness made me feel like the world could see me drop that immeasurable feeling of loneliness. Watching the clouds rolling along on that pitch black canvas grew my state of mind into peace, so much that I wasn’t only weightless, I merged with the wind and became one leaving the sand below me the soft cold sand having only footsteps left of my past existence and becoming the force that held up everyone’s world.being mesmerized by the warm, flickering,frolicking and dancing touch that was like an unspoken secret love that soon turned from touching to holding. A sharp, bitter, icy kiss catches my attention and pulls me out of my trance and Rose my skin from its normal state with hairs standing on end and goosebumps surrounding my whole body. Lovingly cracking a smile whilst gazing into the never ending abyss that has become the fusing of sky and ocean, no beginning or end to tell of. The glimmering reflection of the sky’s millions of winking, twinkling. eyes makes me feel no fear but a sense safety and wonder growing by the minute, as if reminiscing with the moon all those nights illuminating my path evading the lead to pure darkness so I won’t be afraid as well as concealing my sorrow by hiding my tears from showing so the world won’t see or hear me. With every phase of the passing moon had it’s like we watched each other grow, I listen to the rolling, crashing call of the waves, with its soothing voice it draws me closer and closer, with an almost lifting motion, like a trio of sirens luring ships in to their doom in the cimmerian shade that is the night. Suddenly feeling the piercing, cold, sharp bite of the ocean water with a numbing nibbling sensation growing into a dull pain up my legs ever so slowly. The rush of feeling the tides bring as if attempting to cradle my body in its midst, the feeling of the ocean spray as it feels like an invitation into an illimitable, unbounded, deep plunge into the unknown. Penetrating a different realm where the water is no longer an ocean, but a plain of thought and non existence, my body takes the needles’ stinging, acrimonious short lived pain while it adjusts and adapts to its feeling as a sign of compliance to the manifestation that has become this body of life where anything is possible. Springing out from the depths of twilight, I fill my lungs with a deep breath not knowing how long My breath was held beneath the exteriority, I laugh the vivaciously, cheerfully, wholeheartedly before realizing my true loneliness on the inside. This whole time only talking to, conversing, confiding and sharing my deepest thoughts about my feelings in life along with my secret desires to both a pale, motionless, unresponsive, thoughtless bal.....beautiful, illuminating, immaculate, vibrantly gleaming face and millions upon millions of of eyes that can’t hear me leaving me wishing they could to feel what I feel to see as I see. Yet if they could, what would they say?

Soo I decided to explore my artistic talents (drawing is my new favorite thing 😍). I realized one day that I know me, but I don't KNOW me. This journey to know myself has been very eye opening and emotional. I'm learning to love myself and to be comfortable in my own skin. "The 3 C's in life: Choice, Chance, Change. You must make the choice, to take the chance if you want anything in life to change." #loveyourself #drawing #newatthis (at Goochland County, Virginia)

5.5″ x 9″ acrylic, watercolor, pencil

His favorite season is winter on every summer day

First post. Not good at it but okay. Ready to start at 9:30 PM. Procrastination Mode Off. Freud is waiting for me to read him and I feel finally ready to do it💛