you never liked titles
{artwork by michelle blade} you remind me of a time when i was so naïve i actually believed the only battle i'd fight for the rest of my life would be with my own ego. your mischief hypocrisy the oversimplified spellings of our relationship (whatever that was) too complicated for me to understand, a struggle of two like minds. proof and the surprise that i could not even recognize the possibility of defeat by anyone but myself. sometimes i can still feel your fingertips across my collar bones self-escaping though i am, i cannot leave my body when i want to. marked for oblivion i used to recite alphabetical lists a long ceremony of reasons of declarations to pretend like i knew you and i would catch myself making parentheticals in regards to you notes to self like he lied (but he must have good reason) you are only a piece of memorabilia of what could have been a myth-shattering epidemic to my world but all you are is a disease a disease i can feel in the roots of my soul do you ever have sweet dreams? of gouging my eyes out to put in a jar so you could stare at them forever? of me eating your heart straight from your chest? so you wouldn't have to worry about that fatal condition i can't seem to remember the name of yes, my memory fails me but has yours? why would you invite me to your family's house for thanksgiving if you were going to change your mind later you gave me bullets the first time we were alone drunk on your bedroom floor teaching me how to imaginary snipe i wish i could shoot and kill any conscious recollection (bittersweet vibrations) of us wrestling on your bed you taught me self-defense how to shock and hurt so if i ever got attacked again my strength would never be an issue i still wrap my hands before boxing gloves the way you showed me not too tight spit on them to keep them in place. why? you gave me bullets the first time we were alone and i couldn't understand until now you could never protect me from yourself i don't think i could ever trust you you're too much like me you never know what you want but you always think you do i saved them for our first official date zombie apocalypse you say you've been shot you aren't afraid but the day my neighbor comes for my brains the chaos that ensues would cover up any murder the day won't come and lucky for you because instead you can drown in your alcohol in the beer that you brew.
