#neverloveyou

Man, I feel so heartbroken.

I feel so torn apart.

I feel so much regret

I have a heavy cloud over me.

I feel so numb with pain.

It's like being hit enough that you no longer feel pain.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels that way.

Here I am trying to write down how I feel.

I'm trying so hard to put it in words

Explain how I feel. 

So maybe then I can make sense of what’s going on.

I loved you with all my heart and gave so much more.

All you did was put me down

All you did was point out all my flaws

All you did was keep a track of all my mistakes.

Like I did them over and over

Like I never changed.

You tried to make me into something I never could be

You broke me.

You broke me into uneven pieces.

I had nowhere to turn

So, I foolishly turned to you.

Believing you would heal me.

But you only wounded deeper...

Oh how much I loved you.

And how much you’ll never know.

All I did was try to show you.

But each time I ended up worse than before.

And each time you damaged me more and more.

I still stayed.

And still, I repaid all your wrongdoings.

It's like an unpaid debt, I kept on paying.

It's like you were my enemy and I was in love with you.

I remained unloved by you.

You thought so poorly of me.

I saw the world in you.

I don’t know even know why.

Because I'm so numb right now.

I'm so broken over loving you.

I thought it would be different.

I thought you wanted me.

But now all I see,

Is lies I told myself.

To try to comfort me.

I nearly killed myself trying to love you.

And honestly, you never wanted me to.

I don’t understand why.

All I ever did was give you everything

Until I had nothing else to give.

Your eyes would look everywhere but into mine.

But then you told me I was your future.

You would tell me that you loved me.

And did everything to hurt me.

I’ll never understand.

I thought this was love.

I thought we would make it through the storm.

The only storm was us.

I was the rain

you were the lightning and thunder.

I was the rain.

The rain that poured

The rain that watered the dying black roses. 

The roses that took deep roots in me.

And there came the thunder.

There came the warning

And then there was the strike of lightning

Such beautiful destruction.

There it was.

I felt every strike.

I felt it all.

All the damage you left me with.