#networkkookie

A soft breeze blew through the thin fabric of your shirt, sending shivers down your back. Jungkook seemed fine; there were still beads of sweat laced above his eyebrow. There was a slight touch, one that ignited flames in the pits of your stomach, but you were so confused, so lost when the boy that stood beside you was already at his destination.

Jungkook had always been clear of his dream. The word singer reverberated through the empty crevices within your mind. ‘I want people to feel something when I sing,’ the phrase you had grown so accustomed to that when the time came, you weren’t sure whether the feelings were genuine or whether they were there because he wanted them to be. You couldn’t hide the excitement that drew itself onto your features when he finally called you over one day, practically begging for you to listen to his first ever cover. The sweet tune of the melody overcame your senses, the feelings lingering for much longer.

Your eyes were subconsciously closed as you sat and enjoyed the soothing melodies. As soon as it was over, your heart yearned for more, his voice doing numbers to your insides, making your heart beat increase erratically. You were sad to take the headphones off, but as soon as you did, you were met with glinting eyes, curiosity etched within. Before you could send him any praises, so many words left his lips that all his sentences had started to blur and formed incoherent words that you couldn’t really process. ‘How was it?’ and ‘Should I even upload this?’ were only two out of the one hundred sentences that you were able to understand.

Your mouth continually parted open, only to shut once you couldn’t find the words to describe just how beautiful his voice actually was. A small pout appeared on the boy’s face when he realised that you just couldn’t answer him. Mustering up some words, you replied with a deep smile embedded into your lips, ‘You’re amazing,’ and his whole face lit up with the joy of a five-year-old opening presents on Christmas morning. You couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your lips as his cheeks began to flush a bright red.

Jungkook had begun to post more and more of his covers, receiving endless amounts of praise each time. It made your heart flutter seeing him so shy, yet so confident whenever he would read such nice comments on his most recent upload.

But with his newfound success came crashing consequences.

You were sitting on your leather couch when the phone rang, loud and piercing, shocking you. Looking on the screen, you couldn’t contain the smile that formed as soon as you saw his name with the goofy picture that you had chosen for his contact photo on your phone. There was no time for a hello because as soon as you picked up, one thousand words were flying straight at you with no time to comprehend any of the things said.

‘Y/N’, you heard your name being called a few times with a few other words like company, called, excited, and dream. Not understanding what he was trying to say, you interrupted him with a ‘Whoa, whoa, calm down Jungkook, take a deep breath and talk because I have absolutely no idea what you’re trying to say to me right now’. And he did, he took a deep breath and said in the calmest voice you had ever heard, ‘A company called me and said I’m almost guaranteed a spot, all I have to do is audition.’ You would be lying if you said you weren’t a little sad.

Of course, Jungkook was accepted as a trainee for the company, BigHit Entertainment and he wouldn’t shut up about it for the next few months. You were so happy for him, ecstatic even, but your heart ached and longed for the Jungkook that you were once so close with. The calls exchanged between the two of you had slowly started to fade away, texts became a one-sided conversation, and you had begun to yearn for his company; something you took for granted and something you never knew would disappear on you like the sweltering heat in winter.

Sooner or later, you forgot about Jungkook. First, it was his scent. The sweet aroma of lavender quickly left your side, just as he did. All remnants of his perfume disappeared. There was so much joy when you stumbled across one of his shirts that he had forgotten at the bottom of your wardrobe, and when you went to smell it, the scent of lavender still lingered within the fibres of the fabric. But, eventually, clutching onto the material had masked the whiff of lavender with your own. Slight disappointment overcame you when you realised that you had just been inhaling the sickly aroma of your own Victoria’s Secret mist.

Then, you had erased his voice from your mind. Of course, his covers were still online for you to listen to, but it was the raspiness in his voice when he had just awoken, the cackle that would appear when something way too funny happened, the whispers that were just loud enough for only you to hear.

It was inevitable, bound to happen, but you weren’t ready. You weren’t ready for your best friend to walk out on you like that to achieve his dream because you were selfish. You were so goddamn selfish that you blamed him for leaving, you blamed him for not being there for you, and you blamed him for being the selfish one, but not once did you blame yourself. Not once did you take a look at the bigger picture and think that maybe it was for the better.

Slowly, the large smiles returned, the fits of laughter came back as you shared and made completely new memories with a boy that had decided to sit next to you in one of your classes, that you had no idea you two shared. Taehyung was a bright boy; he was all smiles, eyes twinkling whenever an idea sparked in his chaotic mind.

The two of you were polar opposites, yet you both seemed to complement each other perfectly. Your quiet thoughts were suddenly filled with loud, obnoxious ones, distracting you from whatever could manifest in the dark corners of your mind.

The question, ‘Tae! Where are you taking me?’ was completely ignored as he dragged you along a path, blindfolded with only the grip of his hand leading you along. Today was your birthday and you weren’t really expecting something this elaborate, especially from Taehyung. You weren’t even sure that he had remembered your birthday, he hadn’t talked about it all day until the sun set, where it seemed as if something snapped in him, as he suddenly recollected your special day.

A ‘You’ll love it, I promise,’ pulled you out of your mind and made you focus on the task at hand, not bumping into any poles or tripping over your own feet. All at once, you came to an abrupt stop, the bump into Taehyung’s back, the signal, but before you could question anything, your blindfold was removed.

Your mouth parted at the sight. Warm lanterns filled the cosy space, the sizzling of food made your mouth water and stomach growl, but most importantly, most, if not all, your close friends and family surrounded you. ‘Happy birthday Y/N!’ and you had to really blink away the tears, not wanting them to ruin your special night.

You swiftly took off your shoes, feeling the soft sand underneath your toes as you turned towards Taehyung to give him a hug. A quick ‘Thank you for this’, and a nod of his head was enough to send you on your way, greeting many of the guests that you hadn’t seen in months.

You were walking along the edge of the water, when you collided with a shoulder of a taller boy. Immediately bowing your head, you apologised, but your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and your mouth was back to parting itself. The same boy, who had left you a few years prior, was standing right in front of you. His hair messily swept to the side, a white tee clung onto his taut muscles. He looked as breathtakingly beautiful as when you last saw him. Not much had changed, but his features became a little sharper, his eyes wider, his hair shorter.

‘J-Jungkook? What are you doing here?’ stuttered out of your mouth. A smug smirk tickled the edge of his lips as he replied with a breathy laugh, ‘I’m your best friend, aren’t I supposed to be here?’ God, how you hated his sarcastic comments and witty replies. That was one thing you didn’t miss, how he could become such a derisive asshole. A quick roll of the eyes was enough to push away his smug self; his features becoming softer and more approachable.

There was a look of scorn apparent on your features, ‘I don’t know if you can call yourself that anymore.’ He was taken aback, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, eyelids fluttering as if he was lost, perplexed. But there was nothing to be perplexed about; it was so simple, Jungkook had left you alone, by yourself, so how could he come out of the blue and act as if it never happened?

Backing away, you balled your hands into a fist, knuckles turning white. ‘You don’t get to do this Jungkook, you don’t get to leave and come back whenever you like!’ You blinked away your tears, mentally cursing yourself for putting on such a weak stature. ‘You can’t act as if you never left in the first place!’ By this time, you were raising your voice. There was no way you were just going to let someone, who left you all alone, back into your life, when you were finally feeling so content.

Taehyung had been there when he wasn’t. All those times you needed a friend to confide in, Taehyung was there. He was there from the glimmering smiles to the never-ending tears that you had wept. He was there, from holding your hand to holding your hair above the toilet when you had a little too much to drink.

Where was Jungkook? Where was he during all the times you needed him to be? But, oh God, were you selfish, never thinking about his dream and what he gave up to pursue it. Instead, here you were yelling at the boy who was once your best friend, blaming him for everything that had gone wrong in your life since he left. You stood there, pointing fingers towards the taller boy who endured each and every one of your harsh words.

‘But where were you?’

Your eyes flickered up to stare at the sudden voice. There was a glint of disbelief hidden within his dark orbs.

‘Where the hell were you when I was crying myself to sleep? Where were you when I was struggling to breath? Don’t act like you were only a victim Y/N because I needed you too!’

Your mind failed to form proper sentences and your mouth hung open, shocked from his use of such bitter words.

‘Don’t do this Jungkook, don’t make it out like I was the one at fault here. You left me! Your dream was too important for the rest of us! I was kept waiting like a stupid puppy dog, wondering if you were ever going to come back.’

You were mad; boiling with the pent-up rage that was finally being released. All the years of suppressed anger was finally emerging out onto Jungkook. Tears had already begun to cascade down your rosy cheeks as the heated argument continued. Neither Jungkook or yourself was willing to back down and just accept the wrongs that the both of you had committed towards one another.

‘What happened to our conversations? Who stopped trying because I sure as hell didn’t! I texted you, multiple times a day; ‘how is everything, are you okay,’ but no reply. I tried Jungkook, so don’t you dare try to turn this around and blame me!’

Your hands had begun to shake and your body felt limp, but you were determined to continue this strong front to prove your point.

‘I tried too Y/N,’ his tone quietened, voice barely a murmur, ‘I tried so hard, but everything was just becoming too hectic and I couldn’t keep up anymore. I didn’t have time to glance at my phone, let alone have a three-hour conversation.’

Silence. The deafening ring of quietness had struck above you, turning the air thick, heavy. The only noises that could be heard were the arduous pants that escaped both Jungkook’s and your lips. Closing your eyes, you took in a deep breath, trying to calm the heart that was suddenly beating out of your chest.

‘I can’t Jungkook. I can’t keep waiting when I know you’re just going to leave me again,’ you insinuated.

There was a gloominess that took over the once-fresh air and you were suffocating, suffocating on the unshed tears that were threatening to spill, suffocating on the thought of Jungkook leaving your side, and suffocating on the scalding anger that could be exposed at any moment in time.

You left the party a mess. Taehyung hadn’t even bothered to question what had made you so upset. Instead, he grasped you in the safety of his arms and took you home. You were lucky, so lucky, you kept telling yourself, to have someone like him, so willing to put up with all the difficulties that you faced on a regular basis.

There was no denying the curiosity that twinkled within his rusted orbs, but he didn’t press for answers, and that was something you admired about Taehyung. The fact that he was never one to put pressure on an individual, no matter how curious or concerned he was because, in his own words, ‘They’ll open up when they want to, it’s not in my place to prod around where I don’t belong.’

You went to bed frustrated, which in turn, resulted in a lot of tossing and turning. No position felt comfortable as you stared up at the white ceiling, watching the flickers of light that would occasionally peer through the sheer cracks of the blinds. Ripping off half of the blanket, you threw your hands to your sides, taking in a deep breath; a sigh of annoyance.

No matter how hard you shut your eyes, you could not erase the image of Jungkook from the forefront of your mind. He was there every time you blinked and every single time you tried to swat the thought of him away, you would end up dwelling on his masculine features.

In the end, you decided to get up and walk over to the window that was slightly open, letting in a breeze of fresh air. Goosebumps rose up the skin of your exposed legs as the wind flew past, engulfing the room in a chilly atmosphere.

You enjoyed it; the honks of passing cars, the twinkle of stars above, the minuscule conversations that were barely audible through the thin glass. It gave you a sense of peace, belonging, and for once, you didn’t have to focus on Jungkook. Instead, you diverted your attention to the drunkards that roamed the streets, roars of laughter escaping their lips as they strolled through the nearly-empty streets below.