We are siblings, You are older and I am younger. You are someone I am supposed to look up to, someone I am supposed to see as great. You are the person I am always compared with, "Oh you look just like your brother! You even have the same eyes" You are not my brother. We are nothing alike. I am terrified of you, So much larger than me, faster than me, And supposedly smarter than me. Any injustice I feel coming from you is negated by our parents. "Just ignore it", "He'll stop if you don't react". You are not my brother. We were taught differently. I was told to shrink and to take it, Whether it be physical, verbal or mental. You were told to dish it, to assert yourself so that you were overconfident and the alpha male. My feelings didn't matter, "He's just a boy being a boy, he'll grow out of it". You are not my brother. We aren't related. Not in the slightest. Just because you ask me to call up a specific time when you wronged me and I forget all those instances because they all blur together, What does that say about me? That I have a bad memory? Or does it mean that I can't recall because you haven't done a single kind thing that stands out against the terrorizing life you've put me through? More importantly, what does that say about you? You are not my brother. I can't even recite this poem. People will say, "that can't be your brother, he was such a good kid". No one knows. No one understands, You have ruined me more than anything else ever has. You're the reason I falter when I speak, Even if it's with people I trust. Respect isn't given because someone is older than you, It is earned by those who deserve it. And I will never respect you. Little sisters are supposed to look to their brothers for protection, But I couldn't find it in you so I found it in myself. When I'm constantly pestered with people telling me everything that's wrong with me and nothing that is right, There's no comfortable place. If you need to see why I'm scared of men, look at a christmas card from Our family. But don't look at my dad or my little brother, Look at yourself. You are not my brother.
You Are Not My Brother by Carolyn Croke
