#netpix

Lauded short film director Vigalondo makes his feature debut with this tense, unstoppable vision of science and natural law gone awry. A man who accidentally travels back into the past and meets himself. A naked girl in the middle of the forest. A mysterious stranger with his face wrapped in a pink bandage. A disquieting mansion on the top of a hill. All of them pieces of an unpredictable jigsaw puzzle where terror, drama and suspense will lead to an unthinkable crime. Who's the murderer? Who's the victim? "Timecrimes" takes a bold, difficult premise and brings the rarely-tread time travel framework to pulse-pounding but intelligent new heights. Director: Nacho Vigalongo Writer(s): Nacho Vigalongo Cast: Karra Elejalde, Candela Fernandez, Barbara Goenaga

TIMECRIMES

NETPIX - The Streaming Dead Review - Out of Time 1/15/14

Primer meets Darkman, with a splash of Donnie Darko, complete with iconic costumed villain, all bloody bandages wrapped around around a looming figure wearing a trenhcoat, brandishing a pair of scissors.

The science fiction element of time travel is merely a plot device to throw a mind-bending, original thriller at us. It actually faces a lot of time travel paradoxes in a very casual way, with every act in the structure of the movie hits us with another moment and incarnation of Hector, the unfortunate man out of time, the perpetrator of the titular Timecrimes.

Perfectly well-executed transitions, three evolutions, of an average joe furthering himself into a seemingly predestined spiraling path into madness. Three locations, Hector’s home, the false cabin, and the time travel silo. Every single moment is perfectly laid out to give you that AH-HA moment, as you smile to yourself, somehow still in the first act and yet with third act information.

Direction is straightforward and effective, and really only gets even slightly self-indulgent arty at the very final moment, which sums up the entire movie in a perfect visual metaphor. Mostly everything is so well done to the point that it’s invisible and allows for no distraction from the emotional journey of Hector, from Hector 1 to Hector 3.

ZOMBIE ASS: Toilet of the Dead (2012)

by Write Club Contributor JOSH GORFAIN

I’m a man of simple tastes. I like steak and potatoes and noodles. I also dig really bad movies. The worse the better. So when I asked my Facebook feed “Give me the worst movie on Netflix for me to watch” I wasn’t joking, I wanted something truly horrendous. The most popular answer through the feed was the aforementioned Japanese stinker of a movie. I am here to tell you that I was not disappointed.

The plot of the movie revolves around a group of teenagers from Tokyo heading out to the country to try and find tapeworms to eat so the parasite can make the ringleader skinnier so she can get a sweet modeling contract. This premise is the sanest part of this movie. Along for the ride are the airheaded best friend and her drug addled prick boyfriend, some random otaku super-nerd and our heroine (which you can tell because she’s wearing the sailor outfit and knows martial arts).

We later learn that our heroine’s sister committed suicide because she was way too embarassed when she loudly farted in the girl’s bathroom. From there they soon find the parasites they were looking for, but these parasites are horrible worms that turn people in farting, fecal throwing shambling zombies with spinning worms coming out of their buttholes.

So many times, you go into films expecting one thing and getting another. Not so with Zombie Ass; it is impossible to mistake the title of this film for anything else but the grossest of gross-out humor and schlock shock horror. You should know what you are getting into. It’s an endurance match that only the strongest willed or lowest tastes should come out unscathed…or at least make it to the end. I will heartily encourage watching this movie while drinking alcohol to make it bearable for those expecting high cinema.

For all that’s said and done about this movie, if you do decide to watch it, you have to make it to the end for the climatic air battle. A giant worm parasite/dragon type thing versus a high school karate girl flying with the power of her own farts. It’s horrible and epic and hilarious all at the same time. The whole movie, including the obligatory shower scene that truly makes you feel like a pedophile and the also obligatory tentacle rape scene all leads up to the epic final battle that must be seen to be believed.

RIP 1/5/14

THE STREAMING DEAD!  Welcome to the afterlife of recently expired Netflix films.

***

The Office meets Cabin in the Woods. Set up to be a survival horror flick in delivery & structure, but ultimately a revenge film.

A ragtag group of office workers from a weapons manufacturer venture out into the woods for a team-building paintball session. For the first half of the film we set up the characters pretty casually and effectively, though archetypes they are enjoyable and it doesn’t feel forced.

It turns pretty south right after a quick round of capture the flag, at the 47 minute mark in fact, a man’s leg is cringe-worthy snapped off. The humor turns really dark from there, with no time spent trying to stay at the cabin, as from here on out it’s survival in the face of brutal violence.

Though it hits all the horror movie tropes the big bad is really a team of mercenaries who are using the company’s own weapons against them. Having these detached office drones come face to face with the weapons they help create & sell is the main theme, and the movie is littered with trope defying moments such as when the female lead gets the drop on the killer and immediately shoots him in the head, remarking that she doesn’t want to regret not doing that later.

A fun twist on the survival horror genre, this movie has been on my to watch list since it originally came out in 2006 when it had a lot of buzz about it. The director, Christopher Smith, has only put out two more horror films which don't seem the remarkable, which is a shame as this movie definitely earned its place in horror/comedy history, somewhere between Shaun of the Dead & Cabin in the Woods. 

To resurrect this flick you can see a fairly decent copy here.