Scientists announce quantum theory discoveries ...
After years of theorising over the existence of particles that could travel faster than light (previously believed to be the fastest thing in the universe) called ‘tachyons’, a chance discovery at the National Establishment for Researching Knowledge (NERK) has thrown up a new candidate for the speediest thing in existence, the ‘hutchinson’, able to travel from absolute zero to £3,000 before you can blink.
Separate NERK laboratories, working on the famous Schrodinger’s Cat theory, have also made a breakthrough this week. In extensive research they have refined the thought experiment into a new model ‘Schrodinger’s Award Winner’. This postulates that an artist, even though it is most definitely outside a hermetically closed scene, can still win an award as though it were inside that scene, if subjected to the right amount of bombardment by PRotons.