#nephyroc

river would notice how uncomfortable bleach started to look, and soften her gaze a little, realizing that “oh we’re having a serious conversation” cause she understands it’s hard!

“i don’t think i like girls. i dated a girl once. but i dunno. i feel like it’s supposed to feel different. i think she liked me. she was nice, and funny, but like, i didn’t… want to do anything else. i didn’t like, feel anything”

“mhm, what about boys?”

“no. i don’t like boys”

“or girls”

“or girls. but…”

“hm?

“i’m supposed to. right? i’m supposed to like girls. or guys, i guess”

“i mean, not necessarily”

“what?”

“people can be asexual and shit”

“a-what now”

“ace? and like aromantic?”

“…?”

“you really were sheltered huh”

“…”

it was clear to river that bleach was embarrassed by not understanding something that seemed like common knowledge.

“it’s fine, a lot of people are. not your fault. but yeah, asexuality is like, not having sexual attraction”

“ew”

“you don’t ever feel that?”

“god no. ew. do you??”

“i’m a lesbian, so, yes”

“huh. okay..”

“aromantic is like, the same thing with romantic feelings”

“how do you tell the difference”

“i am not explaining that to you in detail. ask your brother. romance is like. romance. and. then yknow.”

“ah.”

“mhm”

“…”

“what are ya thinkin over there?”

“…so it’s fine that i don’t want to date someone..?”

“bleach… yes. that’s fine. that’s perfectly okay”

buttttt… for his 14th birthday his parents surprised him with the news that he was gonna be getting a guidefish (which andy had been talking a lot about) and he was SO excited. got to meet young snickers (who had already been training for a year already) and play with him, and over the next little while he’d go to the training place once a week to train with him! (since andy had never had a guide animal before)

when andy was 15 snickers was fully trained and ready to go home with him :) and he was SO happy. felt so independent and loved snickers to death. it was a bit of an adjustment at school, had a bit of issue at the start with people distracting snicks and asking to pet him, but no one bothered him too much. andy was a really nice dude and got along with everyone. respected him and snickers

at 15 his peripheral was pretty much gone, but with his glasses he could see decently as long as it was far enough away. close up was really blurry, he couldn’t read, relied fully on braille like he had been since he was younger.

started playing turf at 16. liked long range weapons. started with a hydra, since he could see much clearly from far away and playing as a backliner meant he didn’t really have to be in the heat of the game. eventually switched to chargers because someone pointed out how good his aim was. settled on elitre. got really good with it. like really good.

there was just one issue. not a lot of people wanted to play with him regularly. they’d play a few games after randomly matching with him, but then after realizing he’s visually impaired, they saw him as nothing but a disadvantage, despite praising him previously for his aim. they saw him as a weakness. didn’t want him on their team. it annoyed him a lot. he wasn’t even allowed to play competitively, the judges felt it was unfair for both him and other players for andy to compete with how severe his vision loss was. he thought it was bullshit, but learned to roll with it. make the best out of it. played a lot of soloq, was still his regular, friendly, happy self.

then he met these 2 octolings after a game. pretty thick octarian accent, introducing themselves as Cider and Azure. the latter being… where was that voice coming from?

“i’m down here jackass”

andy looked down a little more, trying to pinpoint his eyes on something without them shaking, settling on a blue blob. laughed it off, going “sorry, i’m blind, i’m andy”

andy doesn’t see it, but azure’s face drops immediately while cider starts laughing.

the voice coming from the blue blob (he’s pretty sure that one’s Azure) goes “oh my god this is a terrible first impression. im gonna restart. im azure. and short. and uh. not blind? you look really cool my buddy here wanted to say hi”

azure gets smacked in the back of the head by cider, who whispers “you wanted me to say hi”

“DUDE”

andy just laughs at them slightly, liking their vibes. azure grabs his hand and puts it on his head and goes “im down here! anyways. you play anarchy?”

“he just said he’s blind”

“HES HOLDING AN ELITRE”

andy chuckles a little more and goes “i play turf. i can kinda see, it’s just like… a scope. i can’t see up close at all, yknow”

“you should play anarchy with us!!!”

“uhhh…”

cider shuts azure up. “im sorry about him. what he’s trying to say is that he thinks you look fun and if you’re ever interested in playing anarchy with some people we’d be down. or even to like- go get lunch”

“oh! well, yknow sure why not”

azure jumps up and goes “like right now?”

“sure?”

“YEAHAHHAHA LETS GO you’re gonna be a fun guy i can tell”

andy laughs again, going goes “just uh, i have a guidefish, lemme go get him. i’m not actually sure how to get to the anarchy floor”

azure whispers “HES GOT A FUCKIN FISH this guy is so cool we made the right choice”

the three become really close from then on out. azure and cider have been best friends their whole lives, but it feels like they’ve known andy for years. they don’t treat him weirdly for being blind, respect his and snickers’ space when they’re walking, always offering help if it seems like he’s struggling, but never pushing.

cider and azure always defended andy when some rando would give him shit or tease him in any way. saying his eyes looked weird, or how his glasses made him look dumb, or calling him stupid for having to use the tip of his charger as a cane outside of games, and feeling around walls to pinpoint where he was during them.

when perri and vince started getting closer, vince mentioned casually that he smokes weed, and perri was indifferent. he knew people in highschool who smoked it, it’s not really his thing but to each their own. vince likes getting high at night, usually when his brain is going too fast, or if he’s with friends and wants to have fun.

it was around 1:30 when vince decided he didn’t wanna listen to the thoughts swirling in his head, about school, work, the cute boy at the studio and how warm he is and his pretty smile and he just needed some quiet. opened his dorm bedroom window. got his snacks and drinks. smoked. waited for his head to quiet, took out his hearing aids, started playing with a pop it he stole from his little sister.

was his door locked? probably. he kept poking at the pop-it, debating on putting his hearing aids back in to hear the sound.

is he sure the door was locked? he should check. it might be unlocked. someone could break in and steal everything. he’ll just go make sure. he liked the quiet. the floor was cold and it was nice and quiet in his head. what was that sound? sound… he doesn’t have his hearing aids in how did he hear a sound? was it that loud? was it something breaking? he should go check. but he needs to check the door. he can’t do both at the same time. but if something broke he should make sure. but what if someone comes in his dorm? his roommates aren’t home, vince is the only one here he needs to check and make sure everything. why is his heart beating so loudly in his ears? why is he breathing so fast? it’s so dark and the hallway feels so small this is-

he sits on the floor. his hands are shaking. his whole body is shaking, actually. he doesnt like this. his brain is too loud, that’s not supposed to happen. is this a bad high? is he freaking out? he should call someone. he doesn’t like calling people, it’s hard to hear over the phone. oh, he needs his hearing aids. what was that light- maybe the smoke alarm. was it going off? was something burning? did his lighter accidentally set something on fire?

he goes back to his room. fumbles around and grabs his hearing aids and phone. calls the most recent person in his contacts.

“hey?”

perri sounds half asleep. i just called perri. it’s 2 in the morning. i woke him up. why does he sound so hot like that?

“vincent? you okay? it’s like- it’s the middle of the night”

“um,”

he didn’t even know what to say. he didn’t want to embarrass himself. he’s never heard what perri sounds like right when he wakes up.

“vince, where are you? slow your breathing”

“o-oh. um.” he didn’t even realize he was breathing fast. “i’m…. uh, at my. place. in my room”

“are you high?”

how could he tell? was it that obvious? was he saying something wrong? he didn’t wanna drive perri away. he really liked him, he was so nice and funny and warm and-

“vincentttt. are you listening?”

“…m high. ‘s not good.”

“are you alone?”

“…..uh huh..”

perri says something. vince doesn’t listen. he goes back to his thoughts, perri is so warm. he’s woken up next to perri a lot of times, sometimes they hang out and end up sleeping over. vince always ends up holding onto perri in some way, weather his arm or stomach, he’s a little too skinny and it worries vince, but he’s just so warm.

“can you come over”

he blurts it out before he has time to think about it. he just wants perri. he doesn’t wanna be alone. he’s never had a bad high alone, he’s always with a friend or someone, he doesn’t want to be alone right now. he’s paranoid. his heart is beating too fast. from anxiety? or the idea of perri sitting with him and taking care of him, holding him close with those soft hands?

“yeah, yeah of course. i’ll be there in a bit. want me to stay on the phone?”

“…no. can’t… hear good. on the phone. i’m deaf yknow”

“i know. that’s okay. i’ll text you when i’m here, is your door unlocked?”

is his door unlocked? did he ever go check? he should go check. it’s okay if perri comes in, he’s okay with that.

“vincent?”

“uh huh”

“okay. drink some water, i’ll be there soon”

“mhm”

vince sits on his bed. he doesn’t remember what perri told him to do. he just liked the sound of his voice. he doesn’t know how long he sits for. he’s just anxious. his body feels wrong. he doesn’t like it.

before he knows it, perri is in front of him. he startles.

“you’re good. lets put this away okay?”

perri moves vince’s little tray to the dresser, he’s not sure how much vince smoked but he will not be having more.

“perri”

“yeah?”

“um. you’re warm”

“yeah?”

“mhm. can you sit with me”

“i will. im gonna get you some water first okay? you spilled your glass on the floor”

oh, he forgot about that. his socks are a little wet. where did perri go? did he leave him? what did he do wrong? vince doesn’t even realize he’s started crying. he’s so thirsty. and hungry. he feels like shit.

“oh dude,”

perri wipes a thumb on vince’s cheek, wiping away the few tears that have started to fall. his hand is so warm. and soft. he leans into it. there’s a straw at his mouth. thank god, he’s so thirsty. his mouth feels like a desert. perri sits down next to him. vince leans into his chest, closing his eyes.

“you’re warm..”

“i know. keep drinking. you hungry?”

“mhm”

perri spots the grocery bag of snacks on the end of vince’s bed, and rummages through it, pulling out a packet of pepperettes, earning an “oooooo yessss” from vince, who eats a couple while still leaning into perri.

“what do you feel like?”

“mmmph”

“cmonnn..”

“i think i’m paranoid. and anxious”

“yeah?”

“mhm”

“do you wanna do something else? wanna watch a movie or something?”

“i’m sorry for waking you up”

“it’s okay, i don’t mind. i’d rather be here helping you than you feeling like crap all alone” perri runs his fingers though vince’s hair, stopping at the base of his neck, scratching it gently. vince’s ears flick. he could lay like this forever. vince wishes perri was gay. he’d love to fall asleep next to him every night. did he just think that? nevermind.

“mm..”

“movie?”

vince snuggles more into perris chest, pressing his forehead against his sternum, whispering so quietly, “…can you lay with me”

“yeah”

perri shuffles, pulls vince to be laying down more. turns on the tv and puts on a random movie, making sure to turn the subtitles on for him. he keeps scratching at his head, and vince thinks he could die like this and be okay with it.

the movie is a good distraction from the anxiety built up in his chest. he fumbles with the end of perris shirt, needing something to fidget with, but when his hand comes in contact with the warm skin of perris stomach he feels him tense, sucking his stomach in slightly, trying to break the contact. vince pulls his hand away, mumbling an apology. perri sits up slightly, his eyes landing on a green and white pop-it, and grabs it and puts it on his stomach for vince to play with. perri had spent the later part of the afternoon staring at his stomach, criticizing it, staring at it for so long that his brain warped his perception of it, like always. he didn’t want anyone touching his bare skin right now, but even vince.

it doesn’t take much longer for vince to come down from the high, for his anxiety to calm, for the weird feeling in his chest to turn to butterflies in his stomach.

i just called perri and asked him to come over. now he’s laying in my bed. and i’m laying on him. and he’s playing with my hair. and-

“you okay?”

vince relaxes, not even having noticed that he tensed up.

“yeah- i’m…”

perri tilts his head at him.

“i’m sorry”

“for what?”

“i called you, in the middle of the night. because i got a bad high like an idiot. and made you drive all the way here. it’s like- what time is it?”

“3:30” perri responds, letting vince continue his thought.

vince groans into perris chest. “im sorry. you- you can leave if you want. i’m really sorry.”

with a sigh from vince signalling that he’s done talking, perri laughs a little.

“you didnt ‘make’ me do anything. i said before, i’d rather sit here with you, rather than you be anxious alone. even in the middle of the night. anxiety sucks”

“i don’t even really have anxiety. like normally. i get stressed and shit, school is… a lot, but i don’t get panic attacks or anything.”

“mm”

“do you?”

“yeah. i’ve had anxiety since i was little” that confession sets a tone of vulnerability between them, such a soft and quiet moment, laying together in the middle of the night. “i’ve been on medication since i was 8. it helps, but i still get panic attacks and stuff. but i’m not feeling like i’m gonna die or throw up every second of the day, which is nice”

“yeah. medication does crazy shit”

“i know”

“i know a lot about medicine yknow”

“i do know. you’re really smart. med school seems intense”

“ugh, it is”

“mm”

they lay in silence for a bit longer. perri yawns.

“you can sleep yknow. my uh, my roomates aren’t home, if you wanna take one of their beds”

“i’m fine here”

vince stills. perri’s fine here, with vince laying on his chest like this?

“i mean, if you’re okay, i’m okay. i can move if you want me to”

“no!” vince didn’t mean to say it like that. “n-no, i’m…im good. you’re good here.” he relaxes again. “um, im gonna.. take out my hearing aids.”

“mhm, you want me to put the batteries on the thing?”

vince nods, and reaches to his ears, but stopping to say “thanks by the way. for coming over. you’re… you’re a really good friend yknow?” i wish you were more

perri laughs a little, softly. vince loves that sound. he wishes he could hear it clearer

“you’re a good friend too. go to sleep vince”

he hands perri his hearing aids after taking the batteries out, and waits until perri has put them on their charger and the hearing aids on the nightstand before settling his head back on his chest.