Description. The spelling of "flavoured" indicates that the Miaow Miaow cuttlefish crackers belong more properly to a field guide of Malaysian snacks. The disodium 5'-inosinate E631 on the ingredients panel, meanwhile, suggests that the cuttlefish crackers originated at the Malaysian equivalent of NASA, and should return thereto before harming an unsuspecting global populace. While each cracker is modest in size, the replication of octopodean tentacle suckers on each cracker may have unwelcome associations with low-budget horror movies for the consumer.
Packaging/Branding. It is highly tempting to note that the crackers "put the 'ass' back in 'Croquets Assaisonnee de Seiche,'" but ass isn't the package's problem. Penis, however, constitutes a significant issue, as the cuttlefish depicted at the top looks like a phallus with streamers. This is in fact what squid and their relations resemble, but given that the package isn't trying to claim genuine cuttlefish as an ingredient, why not leave that association out? …Excuse me: "cuttlefish powder" does appear in the ingredients list. Putting the words "contains real cuttlefish" in a wavy blue box on the front is more appetizing. As…it would have to be.
Perhaps the packagers didn't feel confident in their English, which ranges elsewhere on the bag from baffled ("Allergy Advise: May Contains Trace Of Crustacean, Fish.") to baffling ("The Illustrations on the pack are for decorative purposes only." As opposed to…what? Eating the pack? Turning it in as homework?). The bag also shows the snack itself, at a good half again the actual size.
Flavor Profile. Real seafood flavoring is more subtle (and inoffensive) than ersatz versions. Miaow Miaow's cracker is the best possible realization of a fishy Corn Pop. The average tentacle is quite crunchy.
Habitat. Coast Guard rookie hazing; the Honolulu airport.
Field Notes. Miaow Miaow's "The House of Snacks" tagline may have drawn Dr. Barkenbush to the sample. That, or she's gone all Colonel Kurtz on us.
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Description. The world had not clamored, or even whispered shamefully under its covers at night, for a snack that represents the uncomfortable visual union between rotini pasta and magnified rhinovirus, and shares an unnatural orange with the Sea-Monkey-sized sea life that populates a "shrimp" Cup o' Noodles. Yet said snack exists, presumably in not one but two flavors (the tester retrieved only the "picoso" subspecies).
Packaging/Branding. The depiction of the product on the front is accurate. This honesty is refreshing, but unfortunate, and the photograph resembles a bag of Ore-Ida crinkle fries to a suspicious degree. Other poor choices include the font, a stereotypical karate-school-signage affair; the "0g trans fat" tag (one third of the bag supplies 10% of the RDA of fat overall); and the watercolor shrimp next to the product name. The creature still has legs, antennae, and eyes…and the eyes look terrified.
Habitat. Karaoke joints; the managers' poker table at Red Lobster.
Field Notes. Oddly, the "flavored" in the product name belies the presence of shrimp in the ingredients list -- and not far from the top (it is listed fourth). The list is otherwise surprisingly short and free of preservatives or chemicals.
