You were off limits. It’s not as if they weren’t allowed to talk to you, but no one wanted to even find out where that line was. Being Negan’s “daughter” had more downsides than perks as far as you were concerned. A glorified prisoner that just happened to have all your needs met. Well, except one. Human connection, physical contact. 

You’re so sick of being in your room. The Sanctuary was suffocating enough, but one room? The only time you ever left was to go down to get food, and even then it’s not like anyone spoke to you. You just grabbed whatever you needed, from whatever table. From the Saviors down to the prisoners, everyone avoided even making eye contact. 

You didn’t live in the same area of the Sanctuary as Negan and his wives. You used to. You’re sure that one of his wives had probably taken up the space that you’d left, the room next to his. You’d left after he took his second wife. You’d been debating it since he’d taken the first one, the noises coming from his room alone were enough to send you packing. But isn’t that what adults do? So you’d tried to just ignore it. Like you imagined you’d have had to do if none of this happened and you were still with your mom. 

Two wives, though? You’d never felt close to Negan. Not like he was your father. But… shouldn’t he be? Shouldn’t he have acted like it? He’d protected you like you were his own when you were still out there - but once he founded “the Saviors” and became their oh-so-ruthless ‘leader’ he almost acted like you didn’t exist. Or worse, that you were some thing he had to look after. Some sniveling little child that he seemingly wanted nothing to do with. 

That was a few years ago. Now you’re 18, and totally fucking bored to death. Trapped in a Fuckin’ smelting facility like it’s a goddamn high tower, and you’re the lady of Shallot. Interacting with the world around you, but not really. Oh, and he has 5 wives now. Gross. 

You’ve finally fucking had it. Negan has a strict policy about you leaving the Sanctuary even to just go outside. He can come collect you himself if he really cares that much. Stupid fuckin’ rules. 

You bring one of your notebooks and a pen. With no plans of leaving, or doing something stupid, you just want some fresh air. You just want something different. And maybe, a little bit, you wanted to piss him off. 

You’re sitting on the ledge right outside the Sanctuary, legs dangling off the concrete. Your notebook at your lap and your pen in your hand, scribbling little doodles and shapes. Writing out small flashes of feelings as you feel them. Just wanting to document the outside as if you’d never see it again. 

You were in bliss a grand total of twenty minutes before you heard his tongue clicking behind you. Maybe you’d have been better off just running while you had the chance. “I know you know better than to be out here, kid.” 

You roll your eyes and look up from your notebook, taking in the scenery while you still could, “Eighteen. Not a kid.”

“Shit, 18 already?”

It hurts. That he doesn’t remember your birthday, or how old you are. That no one in the whole world cares that you spent three birthdays by yourself, with no one to even remember or know that they’d happened. You try to be grateful, you have really really tried. But everyone’s got a breaking point. “At least, I think so. If no one wishes you happy birthday, does it still count?” Okay, so you could have come at him a little harder, but he was still Negan and you were fairly sure that he didn’t feel any responsibility for you anymore. Especially if you’re an adult now. You try to gauge things on if this were the real world, if things were still how they used to be. And 18 meant Negan held no legal responsibility to be your guardian anymore. 

“Goddamn that is sad!” But he makes no attempt to comfort. Doesn’t even wish you a belated happy birthday. 

“Yup.” You don’t move from your seat even as you hear him suck on his teeth, clearly expecting you to get up and get back inside. 

“Alright, come on, kid. Can’t have you out here.” 

“Not a kid.” You bite back again. 

He stifles a laugh, “Yeah. Right.” He’s smiling that same shit eating smile that seems to be plastered permanently on his face nowadays. You can’t figure out what’s so fucking funny all the time. Especially now. 

You don’t know how to ask him, what words to say I need a friend. I need a boyfriend. No one talks to me because you’re terrifying. You think about it the whole walk back to your room while he shadows behind. You get to your door and as he starts to walk away you manage to stammer out, “I-I need a friend!” 

He turns around, a confused (but still amused) look on his face, “So get a friend?” 

“No, you don’t get it. No one will even look at me because you scare the shit out of everyone.” 

He looks at you like he’s trying to hold something back, rubbing a gloved hand over his clenched jaw, “Ever think maybe you’re just not very like-able?”

You look back and forth on the ground in front of you. Honestly? you’d never even wondered that, it takes you back that he’d even suggested it. Negan smiles, Gotcha. Obviously that wasn’t why, and obviously it was because of Negan and the way he’d decided to lead through fear. Fear was all he had. But you were 18, emotionally neglected, and desperate for approval. Your own self worth was paper-thin. He knew that. And instead of letting you, or himself, feed into the idea that he’d failed you, he’d put all the blame elsewhere. Like he always did. Like he was good at. 

“Tell ya what, kid. I’ll spend time with you.” Your hero. 

You could see through it, but what could you really do about it? You chew on your lip trying to figure out how to respond to such a ridiculous and ludicrous display of manipulation. “Fine.” After all, it was better than being stuck in your room. Maybe you’d meet someone, maybe one of the Saviors was cute. Maybe something could happen organically and Negan would lighten up on you a little bit, “Not a kid, though.”

Negan laughs, “Yeah, alright. Lunch tomorrow, come to the common room. You remember where that is, right?” It felt like a taunt. 

“Okay.” You nodded without looking up at him, and finally turned the knob you’d been holding behind you. Letting your body fall back into your room, and shutting the door behind you. 

This was a bad idea. You could feel it down to your bones. 

✨🦇

You’re silently grateful that he sent his wives away to do other things. And though he’d told you to meet in the common room, you were sat in his bedroom eating lunch. You’d never seen so much food put out for just two people, but you weren’t surprised. Any and every opportunity Negan had to show off, he did. 

You felt awkward, uncomfortable, and worse - afraid. Negan could tell, and while a part of him reveled in it, another part of him could tell that he was fucking you up. That he already had. No 18 year old girl should be this afraid of having lunch with the only family she knew. The only person she knew. Fuck yeah, he’d fucked you up. “So, kid - I mean, shit. Sorry, gonna have to get used to not calling you that.” 

“I think you’ll manage.” You grumble, pushing the food around on your plate. You should have just stayed in your room. One thing that you’d picked up over the year or so with Negan out there? His attitude. 

He laughs in response, “Yeah,” he nods, chewing his food with an open mouth, “Guess I’ll have to, you’re going to have lunch here from now on.” 

Your eyes shoot up from your plate to look at him, “Why?” 

“Because - you’re getting all fucked up and stupid.” 

That makes you snort a laugh in response. “Yeah.. wonder who’s fault that is,” you say sarcastically back at him, taking a bite of food. 

“Probably your dead as shit mom.” Negan knows he went too far as soon as he says it, but he doesn’t make any attempt to take it back, to apologize. Instead he just looks at you, a half smile cocked on his face, twirling his fork in a giant helping of spaghetti. Like he’s almost impressed with himself for taking it there. 

“Wow.” You mouth, completely taken aback. You’d cried over your mom so many times, and this? From Negan? You were too shocked to react emotionally. Not here, not now. Maybe he was right and you were more fucked up than you realized. 

“So, uh, what do you do all day?” Negan had been genuinely curious. Well, for the last day or so. He had more or less forgotten you even existed until then. 

You push food around on your plate again, “Write, sew, read, draw. Started painting a few months ago but I fucking suck at it.” You sigh, “anything to keep my hands busy.” 

Negan chokes on the water he’s drinking and you give him a look of mild disgust. “Not that.” His eyes twinkle a little in disbelief. Yeah right you didn’t do that. You were 18, of course you did. But without anything, or anyone, to think about it got boring quickly. Sometimes a good book came your way and you’d have some material, for a little while. A chapter, or a page, or more usually just a few paragraphs that would keep you somehow sated. Somewhat. 

Still, you weren’t about to have that conversation with him. And Negan was more than grateful, his mind reeling at the idea that no one had ever had ‘the talk’ with you. And now, in this end of times, you didn’t even have television to teach you. No, Negan could absolutely not discuss the birds and the bees with you. He was not built for that. 

The rest of lunch is uneventful. He talks, you listen. He feels better about himself, and you feel nothing.

✨🦇

Lunches with Negan get better. Less awkward, more like an actual friendship… or something. You find yourself laughing at his shitty jokes, at least they’re jokes. At least it’s something. You stop needing to convince yourself that you only enjoy it because it’s better than nothing, you actually seem to like his company. You look forward to lunch, getting out of your room, laughing with him. Negan enjoys it too, but it’s still off. You’re still.. how he would describe ‘fucked up’ or ‘not normal’. You flirt with him. Relentlessly. He tries to ignore it, tells himself that maybe it’s just your personality, but he knows. You don’t. You’re completely oblivious. After all, you really have nothing to go off of. Nothing to base anything around. 

He gets you romance novels, asks the Saviors to grab them when they’re out on runs. He thinks this is the closest you can get to having television, to having someone or something teach you about that kind of stuff. Maybe that they would teach you the difference between platonic and romantic feelings. 

Really, though, he’s just making you horny. Even more than you had been, and he’s still the only person you talk to. He figures he could and probably should use his position to get you some kind of boyfriend, but it feels all wrong. Like some sort of arranged marriage, and it disgusts him. 

You touch yourself more often than you ever have. The romance novels finally feed this need. You think about the characters in the books, the lewd imagery described. It’s all so new and exciting. You never think about Negan, or something gross like that. 

It’s been a few months since the last one he brought you, but today at lunch he pushes over a whole stack. You jump up from your seat, too excited to contain yourself, and you jump on him in a hug. Burying your face into the crook of his neck. You can feel your heartbeat all the way down to your fingers as you pull back and, with a blush, sit back down in your seat, “Thank you.” 

Negan’s body is stiff while you hug him, and while you sit back down, an uncomfortable smirk on his lips. “You are very welcome.” Even through his discomfort he can’t help the pride bubbling over within him. Every other aspect of himself is weak to his desire for worship. 

When you leave that day, with your stack of books, you hug him again and kiss his cheek before running off to your room. 

Shit, Negan thinks to himself. Shit fuck shit. You’re only getting worse, more obvious. Now you’re hugging him and kissing him on the cheek? Maybe you’re just grateful for the books. But he knows.. this is wrong. He’s making it worse, maybe you’re past the point of being able to fix. For now, he ignores it. Maybe… hopefully… it’s just the books. 

If he had asked you, you would have reassured him. Obviously it’s just the books. You don’t wonder if it’s weird that you touch yourself after lunch, before even opening one of the new books. You don’t think about Negan, just the feeling of stubbled skin under your lips. The warmth of a person in your arms, your chest pressed up against someone. It was the first human contact you’d had since you got to the Sanctuary, and it set you on fire. 

✨🦇

Negan knows he fucked up. You hug him now after every lunch. Only giving him a kiss on the cheek when he brings you a new book or some other small gift. He doesn’t acknowledge within himself that since you started doing that, he’s started getting you more gifts. 

Eventually, though, he can’t keep ignoring it. One particularly bad week, where it seems everyone hates him, none of his wives will have sex with him. Not even a fucking handjob. He’s forced into the degrading task of jerking himself off, something he hasn’t done in years. And, while the shame doesn’t come until after he’s finished, he thinks about you. 

You, with all your nervous glances of prying eyes. The way your developed chest feels against his when you hug him. He fantasizes your lips asking him questions like, “Is this what I’m supposed to do?” 

“Do boys really like that?” 

“You want me to use my mouth?” 

His forehead pressed firmly against the closed door of his bathroom, he opens his eyes to look down at himself. His swollen member in his hand, throbbing over the thought of you. 

“I don’t think that’s going to fit inside me.” He groans keeps going, imagining his cock is the first thing ever pushed inside your tight hole. 

Streaks of his cum paint the door, and he peels his forehead back before slamming it against the wood again. Fuck, this shit is not fucking okay. 

✨🦇

Negan doesn’t know that he absolutely would not be the first thing inside your precious virgin pussy. No, you’d started to get creative. Finding your fingers almost useless when it came to hitting that spot you’d discovered deep inside. They were never hard enough, fast enough, thick enough. The handle of your hairbrush was your favorite. It was the easiest to keep clean, the easiest to maneuver. But it still wasn’t exactly what you wanted. Nothing ever seemed to be quite enough. Every orgasm left you wanting. 

Wanting what? Because you never found yourself wanting a boyfriend anymore when it used to be all you thought about. You think of feeling Negan’s facial hair against your cheek, and your body is rocked by its second orgasm for the night. Tossing the hairbrush to the end of the bed, you roll over and fall asleep. 

✨🦇

You startle awake to the sound of a knock on your door. It’s loud, demanding, Negan. 

Getting off the bed you turn on the light with a sleepy grumble. You pull some pants on, and he knocks again. “I’m awake!” You yell, “hold on!” But this only spurs him to knock more aggressively. 

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck is going on?” You mutter as you finally unlock and open the door. Obviously it was Negan, but what you weren’t expecting was how absolutely disheveled he looked. “Woah, what happened to you?” 

“Remind me to teach you manners.” He says as he pushes past you and into your room. 

“Come right in.” You say sarcastically, turning around and shutting the door behind you. He’s sat on your bed, looking around at all the things in your room, his eyes settling on your rows of romance novels. He gets up from the bed and walks over to the bookshelf, pressing a finger into one of the book spines before pulling it out and skimming through it. 

“Are you… drunk?” You ask him, the smell of alcohol emanating from him only becoming more obvious the longer he stands there, slightly swaying on his feet. 

“Why?” He asks defensively, his eyes not moving from the page of the book he’s trying to read. 

“Because you smell like booze?” 

He ignores your question and your reason for asking, slamming the book shut as he gets to a particularly dirty part and he can’t bear to read anymore. “We need to talk.” And he looks at you. 

You’re nervous, standing there anxiously you start to play with your hair and look away, “Oh, okay… wha- what about?” 

“This!” He exclaims with an extended arm, motioning at you, “You. What are you doing?”

You look at him confused, brow knit together trying to purse some sort of answer, “I’m not… I was sleeping.” You shake your head, not understanding at all what he was getting at. 

“You’re twirling your goddamn hair.” Oh. He was right, you had been. But what does that mean to him? You look at him even more confused. 

Closing your eyes, one hand comes up to massage the bridge of your nose, “Okay, I’ll never twirl my hair again?” You shrug your shoulders as if to ask him if that would be all. Too sleep-kissed to comprehend what the hell he was going on about. 

“No, Jesus-fucking-Christ, girl, the flirting. You gotta stop. I’ve let it go on too long, and it’s not.. shit, it’s not appropriate, all right?” 

You rub your eyes harder as you hear his words, what a fucking idiot, you think. You can’t help the smile that starts to form on your face as you answer him, “Negan, I’m not… I don’t….” You can’t even bring yourself to say it. 

He puts the book down and shakes his head, even now you were clearly into him. All nervous, smiling. Giddy. 

“You are. And you need to stop. I can’t… I can’t keep having meals with you if you’re going to be hugging me, kissing me on the cheek. It’s wrong.” 

You actually manage a laugh at his ridiculous behavior. Coming in like this, filled with liquor and angst and thinking he’s figured something out about you. “I’m not into you, Negan. Hugging and kisses on the cheek aren’t always romantic.” You say it like you’re letting him in on something he’d never considered. 

He nods, “Yeah, that’s true.” Negan turns to face the wall away from you, shaking his head as he looks up to the ceiling. “It’s not just that. It’s the way you look at me, the way you laugh. Shit, girl, it’s the way you’re lookin’ at me now.” 

“Don’t you think I’d know?” You cut in, without responding to his most recent accusation. 

“I don’t know, kid, would you? You probably have a bunch of hormones running wild in your body and you have no idea what to do with them. I’m not blaming you. I mean…” he stops himself before he starts talking about how attractive he is, and how no one could blame you for feeling this way. 

“I know what to do with my hormones, Negan.” You say blankly, is he really trying to have this conversation? You’re not. Jesus Christ, he can’t really think that you don’t know how to relieve that ‘tension’ on your own. What did he think you were doing with the romance novels? 

He smiles at your little admission, nodding and rubbing his jaw, “Yeah, I’m sure you do. Let me ask you something..” he takes a step toward you and you feel your heartbeat skyrocket. His eyes staring you down with such intensity you have to look away, “how do you feel, huh, when I get close to you?” He steps closer, now only a foot away. Your eyes cast down to the ground, a knot forming in your throat, “you can’t even look at me,” he whispers. 

As if to prove him wrong you look up at him. Your breath hitches and he can hear it. You can hear it. Your heart hammering against your ribcage, you swallow. Shit. 

Big doe eyes look up at him, and he feels all the blood rush between his legs. Hard as a rock for you in seconds, that deft innocence, those pretty lips moving without a sound. Trying to form some kind of response. You… looking up at him and having feelings you’ve never felt before. This is why it has to stop. Negan’s never been good at controlling these urges, and the more you look up at him like that the less he wants to. 

You try to speak, to tell him he’s wrong, but your voice quivers, “I… I don’t. I’m not…” Your smile that you can’t manage to stop only confuses you more. 

“You are.” He slams his fist on the wall next to you, causing you to jump a little. He looks back down at you, your eyes enveloped in fear and nervousness, cheeky smile gone. Negan takes two fingers and holds them to your throat, “Do you feel your heart beating out of your chest? I bet if I..” he takes your throat in his hand and you whimper out the slightest moan. 

His lips turn up in a smile as he brings his face even closer to yours. “See? I’ve barely got my hands on you and you’re already moaning.” 

It hits you fast, the shame and desire all at once. Mostly the desire, with his hand at your throat and his voice saying words you’ve only ever read. Shit. 

You don’t know how to respond, you can’t think straight. You just nod, he was right, it seems. Right? Because this certainly was having an affect on you. You wanted him to keep going, your body begged for it, but you couldn’t move. Too caught up in a fearful nervousness. This was wrong? It didn’t feel wrong. 

“Doesn’t feel wrong,” is all you manage to breathe out, unable to break your gaze from his lips. In response Negan leans back as his grip grows tighter at your neck, and you panic, bringing both of your hands up to his wrist to try and pull him away. He doesn’t let go but his grip loosens. 

Negan isn’t thinking clearly either, he hadn’t anticipated all of this. Having to convince you, prove to you, that you were having inappropriate feelings only made his own envelope him. And he was drunk. You, completely at his mercy and seemingly happy to be. Fuck shit fuck me. 

He finally lets go and pushes past you and out of your room. Leaving you completely blindsided. For once, though, you’re not confused. Not unsure. No, there was no question what you were going to do next. You were going to make it absolutely impossible for him to say no. 

Burning up your core and through your chest, into your brain. That spot, that insatiable feeling, that desperate heat that throbbed through you. Now you knew for sure, he could satiate it. 

You pace your room, every click your heel sends into the concrete causing your anxiety to bubble even more. You were proud of what you built here at Sanctuary by Negan’s side, even more proud to call him your husband. You were treated like a queen there, everything you wanted you had. Today was no different, Negan had his workers waiting on you hand and foot but when you finally pulled away for a little alone time, you stumbled across something you really wish you hadn’t. You watched your husband eye up one of the female workers the way he used to eye you up at your favourite bar back before the outbreak. You couldn’t shake it from your head all day but you knew better than to make a scene in front of the workers. You were better than that. So you waited, for hours it felt like you sent the workers on their way a while ago so you could piece a speech together in your head, ready to tear into him as soon as he opened the door.

When he finally did show up, you were left speechless. He swung the door open and paused at your awkward stature, leaning slightly backwards with his hands still on the door knob. The tension that lingered in the moment could have been cut with a knife. He had a smirk planted on his lips that never seemed to leave, eventually he brushed off the awkward encounter and shut the door behind him, moving swiftly to the sink and pouring himself a glass. You didn’t wait for him to finish refreshing himself before you questioned him about his actions. “I saw you today, with that worker girl!” he could have had your teeth clenched together from the hiss that stained your words. Putting his glass down, he licked his lips cocking his eye brow in your direction, that stupid smirk of his still prominent on his features.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about” he teased, moving in the direction of the bed.

“Don’t bullshit me, Negan!” your words seemed stronger this time around. “I saw the way you looked at her” your words seemed to strike funny with the tall man as he sat down, seemingly giggling at you. “Giving workers attention like that, in front of everyone” you followed up, throwing a disgusted face into the mix of emotions you already displayed. “Give me attention!” you demanded stepping closer to him.

There has been a slow decline in your relationship. The more power he got, the less he seemed interested in you but he’d always show you off regardless of how he acted behind closed doors. You craved his attention so much more now, you needed his validation and did everything you could to get it, hell you even started wearing short black dresses and heels for him, knowing it was his sexual kryptonite. The way he looked at you now in this moment made your stomach turn slightly, You weren't sure if he was about to pounce on you or laugh at your petty, childish actions. “OH, so you’re jealous!” his teasing words sent a dagger into your heart. You scoffed at his remark, shaking your head as if he had pulled it out of thin air. Of course you were jealous!

“Jealous?” you questioned him, taking a few steps closer to him, the rage bubbling over so much it was turning your cheeks slightly red. “I'm your wife” you reminded him, finally standing between his legs, you poked at his chest a little, scowling down at him. It didn’t intimidate him, no quite the opposite. You watched as his tongue pulled in his bottom lip and biting down on it. He was amused at your words, he imagined a scene like this playing out on one of those soap opera’s you use to love so much.

He slowly stood up, causing you to freeze on the spot, you felt the heat radiate off him. He was that close to you. The way he scoffed at you made a small tear appear in your left eye. Was he really just shoving your feelings away that easily? “Do you even still love me?” you whispered into his chest, not daring to look up at the man out of pure embarrassment. You felt his hands on your face suddenly, they felt hungry as he passed them through your hair, gripping onto a large chunk right at the back.

Negan’s hand closely grasped yours as you strolled down the street, the sun warm on your skin as you headed back towards Negan’s house. Sighing you glimpsed from Negan around, a smile on your face until your glance landed on the couple on the other side of the street whose eyes were darting at you as they had stopped to load their groceries from their car into their home as soon as they’d seen you. They always did that, giving the both of you odd looks, not obviously but enough to notice it when you were their target, and they weren’t the only ones. Maybe it was the age difference, maybe it was their opinion about Negan alone, either way it was in a way uncomfortable to feel those glances on you. “They’re staring again”, you mumbled, glimpsing away from them and instead forward, feeling how Negan’s hand grasped yours a little tighter. “Does it matter?”, he asked calmly, attracting your attention back to him as he gave you a small smirk. “No”, you shook your head after a moment, the smirk growing a little wider as he suddenly stopped and scratched his fingers over his salt and pepper stubble. “Good”, he grinned, moving his hand out of your grasp while you looked a little irritated at him, right before he moved his hands to cup your jaw and pull you closer. “If they wanna stare, guess I gotta give ‘em a little show. Gotta be worth it, huh?”, he chuckled right before he leaned in and caressed his lips over yours, groaning as soon as you responded to his touch and could feel the heat rising up into your cheeks, flushing them nearly immediately. For a moment, you forgot about them, the part of you that felt a little awkward and uncomfortable beating retreat, leaving the warm, giddy feeling that Negan was standing by your side without any shame. Another deep hum rumbled through Negan’s chest before his lips slowly let go of yours, his hands still cupping your face as he leaned just enough back to glimpse at you, the wide grin still on his lips.

They’d stopped with the staring by now, the people on Negan’s street, probably used to seeing you together now and busy with running some other people’s lives down, people that had become more interesting than the both of you. Here and there you only got some glances but you barely noticed them anymore, nor did they bother you. You were happy with him, and no one was able to change that, and still, though you rarely got into a fight not everything was rainbows and unicorns at all times, just as in every relationship regardless of how happy and healthy it was. 

A thick huff left your lips as you tossed your bag onto the couch, watching as Negan moved through the living room, antsy and yet with the same grumpy and stern look on his face that had covered it most of the night. It had just supposed to be a relaxed evening out in a local bar, nothing ground breaking, just some time outside with some people you knew but instead of having fun with Negan as usual, he’d spent most of the time tense and as grumpy as his facial expression was giving away and since the taxi had dropped you off you knew the definite trigger. “I was talking to him here and there, like I did with every other person at that table too, I wasn’t flirting”, you huffed, stepping out of your shoes and pushing them to the side, still confused as to why Negan was acting the way he did. One of the guys a friend had introduced had talked to you, nothing crazy or suspicious in his behavior from your point of view but for some goddamn reason it had pushed Negan to turn into a grumpy asshole. He was jealous you could tell, so jealous that it seemed to put a tension all over his body. Usually, this jealousy was still very much in the normal range. All that happened during the evening itself was him being protective and turning ice cold towards the other man he was seeing as a threat and you’d get some rough jealous sex as soon as you got home. Now however, he was turning cold towards you too and that’s where it stopped for you. Especially, because you didn’t know what the big deal about this shit was. “I know”, Negan grumbled, his eyes only meeting yours for a split second before he looked away again, “I’m not blaming you.” An annoyed and frustrated sound left your lips as you raised your arms in confusion, trying to get what the hell was going on. You were glad that he wasn’t blaming you, though that only made the situation more confusion altogether. “Well, then I don’t get what’s wrong.” “That asshole was eyefucking you, the whole goddamn time”, Negan growled, gulping thickly as you let out a stressed sigh. “Shit, Negan, not every guy wants to fuck me!” “He did”, he let out with a bittersweet chuckle, the stern expression still on his face while you let out another sigh, trying to get what this had to do with his behavior towards you that was so untypical of him that it was driving you crazy. “Well then even if he did, it’s not like that’s something that would ever happen. I’m with you and I only want you, not him or anyone else”, you scoffed, growing even more frustrated as the tense look remained on his face. “You can be protective and I don’t mind you being pissed at that guy, I don’t care about him. I just don’t get why you’re so grumpy to me. What the hell have I done to have you react to me like that?”, your voice started to grow more tense, even more biting as Negan’s glance remained directed away from you as he shook his head a little.  “I said it’s not your fault”, he growled back, his glance meeting yours again only for a short moment, the look and them and the one that was still sprawled out over his face giving you a whole different answer than his words.  “Then we’re going in circles. I just wanna know what’s going on with you”, you said, slowly growing more distressed, “You don’t have to give me some lengthy explanation now if you don’t want to, just let me quickly know what’s up and it’s okay...we’re always talking about everything, right?” "Forget it", you could hear Negan huff, turning around and walking into the kitchen without looking at you once more while you stared confusedly at him, the anger now starting to trump the distress. "Are you kidding me?", you snapped, watching as he vanished in the kitchen, part of you hoping that he’d just come out again but instead he stayed inside, leaving you even more annoyed than before by the grown man who was acting like a kinder-gardener right now. "Goodnight, Negan", you loudly and with a strong sarcastic undertone huffed, moving out of the living room and up the stairs while some pain started to mix into the anger, turning into a stinging feeling that pushed the disappointment in you further. He knew you didn’t like going to bed with a conflict still going on, with whoever that was but especially not with him. This wasn’t your Negan down there and it drove you insane that you still had no clue what the fuck was going on with him.  Unnerved you started to get ready for bed, alone and frustrated instead of goofing around with the man who was probably still being a grumpy downstairs before you moved into the bedroom and slipped into the large bed, asking yourself if he*d even come to sleep with you here.  Sighing you cuddled deeper into the pillows, glimpsing outside the windows into the barely lit outside before you started to hear heavy footsteps starting to come up the stairs not more than a half hour after you’d done the same. You could feel yourself tense up a little, unsure what to expect after that fight, whether he was just gonna lay down next to you without another word or if he was gonna talk to you after all. You could hear him in the bathroom first, getting done a little faster than usual before you could hear his footsteps sounding through the hallway again until they got replaced by the soft creaking of the door. You were laying on your side, only seeing from the corner of your eye how he hesitated for a moment before he stepped into the room and moved over to the bed until he could sit down on his side. He wasn’t laying down, just sitting there unusually quietly before he cleared his throat. "Hey, I-...I'm sorry”, you heard him say, the tone in his voice completely different to before, "Really." A deep sigh fell from his lips as you stayed in your position at first, trying to wait for what was to come, yet already a little relieved while you could feel the mattress move slightly as Negan adjusted himself a little. "It's not... again, I'm not blaming you. I trust you”, he started again, audibly struggling before another deep sigh left his lips and you could see his hand reaching up to stroke over his beard stubble. "It's...I just know you deserve someone better than me and I fuck...I got that shitty voice in my head telling me you'll realize that earlier or fuckin 'later and you'll leave.” You gulped thickly as you heard word for word slipping out of his lips, letting the anger within you beat retreat and replace it with more of the pain you’d felt earlier. He had indicated these things before, the first time when he’d told you the whole truth of his past and Lucille and it still brought an undeniable uncomfortableness into you to hear that he still thought this way about himself. He was a self confident man, but this part of him was still more insecure than you had realized, so much that you hadn’t even truly connected it to his behavior this evening until now. “And when there's that guy who shows an assload of interest, who looks at you that way, and fuck who made you laugh,...I know you didn’t notice it like that but shit, it just let that shitty voice rage through my fucking head again. That guy just set off a trigger...I don’t fucking know why it got so much in my head tonight...it just fucked up my whole goddamn mood, even towards you, even if I didn’t fuckin’ intent it to”, he added, the sound in his voice painfully genuine as you gulped thickly, though staying in your position, not because you were being unnecessarily petty, but rather because it felt like it was easier for him to finish this if you wouldn’t disrupt him now by turning around and staring at him. "I should've told you right away instead of playing the old grumpy fucker",he said, sighing deeply once more while you could feel his glance starting to fix on you, "I'm sorry, I really am. I'm fucking terrified of losing you. No excuse, I know, but it's the reason...now, you don't have to respond, it's okay, I just wanted you to know before you sleep.” The moment you heard his voice hush and could feel him moving to get up from the bed you turned around, meeting his glance in the dim light in the very same moment as you reached for his arm. ”Stay”, you said, glimpsing at him as more guilt flooded his face.   “I’m sorry”, he said anew, gulping thickly as you could tell that he meant it, and  slowly started to nod, scooting a little closer to him. “I know, it’s okay”, you said, still holding onto his arm, though softly as you sighed and made sure to hold his glance. “I won’t leave”,you finally said, caressing your hand over his arm as you got a little closer to him, close enough to see him clearly in the dim light ,”We gotta get that shitty voice out of your head that keeps telling you that crap because anything it says is a lie.” “Yeah”, Negan nodded, running his hand over his face before his glance dropped back down on you,”I’ll work on that, really...taking that out on you, that shit won’t happen again. I don’t know what the hell was going on with me tonight.” “Okay, ‘cause I didn’t either”,you nodded, slowly moving in to straddle his lap so you could hug him and see him more clearly ,”You’re never like this, not to me...that got me so frustrated.” ”Yeah, I get that”, he nodded, wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer and nuzzle his head into the curve of your neck, breathing deeply in and out as you moved your hand to caress through his dark hair and felt him pressing a kiss to your skin before he moved back to glimpse at you. ”I also prefer some jealous sex to the grumpy attitude”, you mumbled with a chuckle to loosen the tension that was hanging in the air a little.  “You do?”, Negan asked, his signature grin growing on his lips as he rose his eyebrows playfully while he pulled you a little closer. “Yeah”, you chuckled, moving in to press a kiss over his lips while another chuckle rumbled through Negan’s chest. ”Maybe I can use that to make it a bit up to you”, he grumbled against your lips, moving in kiss you once more. ”Mhmm”, you mumbled, feeling in the very next moment how Negan tightened his arms a little around you to move you and roll you on your back and underneath him, while another laugh left your lips. ”Oh shit”, you chuckled, as you tried to shift in the right position to not end up in a tangle of limbs with Negan’s long legs while he moved in closer and grinned down at you. ”Tell me what else my old ass can do for ya”, he grumbled as he leaned in to press kisses against your jaw. “Mhmm I could use some pancakes tomorrow too”, you said, watching as Negan’s glimpsed up for a moment and another chuckle fell from your lips. “I’m kidding.” “Nah, you want pancakes, you’ll fuckin’ get ‘em”, he chuckled back, moving back in to first press a kiss to your lips before he caressed them over the sensitive skin o your neck. “We still got some chocolate sauce and whipped cream here so they’ll be a bomb ass good!”,he mumbled a little muffled before you could feel his lips forming into a a grin against your skin,”But I’ll first get you some of my whipped cream.” “Oh what the fuck”, you laughed out, feeling how his own laugh rumbled against the side of your neck before he got quiet for a moment and moved up to glimpse back at you. “I’m sorry.” “I know, Negan”,you mumbled, hoping that it would make him relax a little more as you reached up to stroke through his hair,”It’s okay, really” “Alright”, he nodded, gulping before he pecked your lips and let the grin grow back on his lips,”Then let’s get back to it!”

His promise didn’t stay unfulfilled. Something like this didn’t happen again and he just talked to you instead, just like with everything else and instead of the grumpy face you got some rough sex and hell,  you could very well live with that.  A small groan took you out of your spiraling thoughts again and another of Negan’s movements before you could hear his voice again. “Sorry for shifting so much”, Negan mumbled with a sigh after another couple of moment of unrest,”Can’t really fall asleep.” “It’s okay”, you responded as he moved a little to reach for his glass on the nightstand only to find it empty. “Ah fuck”, he groaned, letting out an annoyed sigh before he started to shift so he could sit up and swing his legs out of the bed, “Just gonna get some water” “Alright”, you yawned before you nodded towards your own empty nightstand,”Can you get me some too?” “‘Course”, he nodded, moving in for another moment to press a kiss against your temple before he got up, switched the light on his nightstand on, grabbed his empty glass and strolled out of the bedroom into the hallway, leaving you wondering if what you suspected as the cause of his sleeping problems was the real reason.

”There she is! Glad you’re here, I’m hungry as fuck, ain’t gonna lie”, Negan chuckled as he let you inside his office, moving in to press a kiss over your lips before he glimpsed with a wide grin at you. ”Sorry I’m a little late, this school’s a labyrinth”, you said, moving in to peck his lips again, glad to have found your way to him after all. You weren’t even exaggerating, for the local high school in a small town this place really was a labyrinth, especially when the office you had to find wasn’t even in the main building but in a slightly smaller one by the baseball field. “No problem, you’re here now so I’m good, had to check some schedule’s either way, got it done just now and the diner ain’t running away from us”, Negan said, the grin on his lips still bright before another male voice echoed through the hallway into the office. ”Negan? Where did you let your team put the bats? They’re not in the usual spot.” A groan fell from Negan’s lips, a displeased glance slipping into his eyes as they stared for a moment through the open door before he glimpsed back at you. ”Ah crap, I’m back in a minute”, he said, giving your shoulder a soft squeeze before he hurried out, leaving you alone in his office. It was actually a little cozier than you expected, the walls mostly covered with shelves, while the rest was reserved for two large picture frames with his old tricots stuck in them and a white board that was coated with Negan’s messy handwriting and a sloppy drawing of the baseball field. There were some utensils here and there, table tennis paddles and a baseball bat that had found their home in one corner of the room, and in the middle of it all, a large dark wooden desk and a black leather desk chair. The latter one was new, finally bought after you’d hear Negan curse about the shitty old one that had given his back a whole lot of pain. Slowly, you started to look around the office, peaking at the tricots in the frames and looking around in the shelves that were covered here and there in small trophies he’d won with his student’s teams, trying to pass the time since Negan obviously needed a little longer than a minute. With a small sigh you let yourself sink into the leather chair that still had that slightly newish scent, before your eyes roamed over the desk and suddenly got stuck on the very only photo that was standing neatly framed in a dark picture frame right next to some pens and documents. It was a photo of you, the same he had as his phone lockscreen. It was a spontaneous snap of the two of you, nothing planned and taken so fast you were honestly a little surprised the camera had been able to focus. You’d been standing by a lake, a stop on your walk through the forest, wrapped up in his arms and with his smiling lips pressed to your temple. There was a large smile on your lips, your eyes lit up by the warm light of the sunset, there were some loose strands in your face, your hair a bit messed up from the wind that day while your arms that were clad in the sleeves of a large hoodie you’d stolen from his closet were holding onto his arms. You liked that picture compared to many others, but Negan always seemed to have a big thing for it, even though you couldn’t exactly tell why and neither had you expected to find it here, as the only photo in his office, with half of him cut off to get more of you into the frame. A surprised but happy chuckle fell from your lips as you stood back up from the chair and leaned forward to grasp the photo, glimpsing at it while a warm, cozy feeling started to spread through your body. “Surprised?”, Negan’s voice suddenly sounded through to you, letting your glance shoot up from the photo to the man who was standing in the door frame, grinning widely at you. “Didn’t expect you to have a picture of me here”, you said, chuckling softly as he furrowed his eyebrows at you, though the look in his eyes was still rather soft. “Why not? Gotta be able to at least see my girl somehow when I can’t have her around”,he said, walking in and rounding the desk to get closer to you, “Keeps me motivated.” “But that one?”, you asked after another wave of warmth had washed through your body, holding the photo slightly irritated up just for Negan to quickly take it out of your hands. “That’s my fuckin’ favorite, don’t you say anything bad about it!”, he chuckled, looking playfully warning at you as he glimpsed from the photo up at you before a brighter grin flashed over his lips,”l’d also put a nude of you in there but a. I’d get in mad stress with the principal and b. I’d constantly jerk off in here.” “Wow”, you laughed, softly nudging his chest while a warm smile began to mix into his grin. “But no shit, this is really my favorite”, he emphasized again, looking down at the photo, “You just look so damn happy.” “Well the reason for that is almost cropped out in the top left corner”, you said, pointing at the edge as a thick but joyful chuckle left Negan’s lips before he set the photo carefully back to its place on the desk. “Shit, now we’re getting all sappy”, he said, moving in to wrap his arms around your waist while he sneaked his tongue over his lower lip,”And I thought I’d already have you bend over the desk by now.” “Too bad, huh?”, you chuckled, leaning up to peck his lips before a grumble rumbled through your stomach, reminding you of the reason behind coming here and picking Negan up. “Shit someone’s hungry”, Negan laughed, glimpsing down your body with a wider growing grin,“C’mon let’s go get some food in that pretty mouth.” You could hear Negan rummaging around in the kitchen downstairs while you cuddled a little more into the pillows, waiting for him to come back upstairs. He took longer than you expected for simply getting two glasses of water and  while part of you started to contemplate whether you should just address the elephant in the room as soon as he would come back up, the other part of you started to fall back into your thoughts.

“I got ya”, Negan called out as soon as you could feel his hands grabbing your hips, a loud giggle leaving your lips as you fell into the blanket and the pile of pillows that were sprawled out on top of it in the middle of the garden. It was about 1am by now, and besides the small garden lamp that was just bright enough to see each others faces there was nothing else that enlightened the night sky besides the moon, yet. There was a meteor shower that was supposed to cover the firmament tonight, not covered by any lousy clouds that had withheld the experience of shooting stars until now from you. Tonight was gonna be the night you would actually get to see them, you were sure of it, if Negan and the coffee he’d made the both of you to stay awake till the early morning hours wouldn’t distract you all too much. “Late night coffee turns you into some hyperactive kid”, you laughed as Negan trapped you underneath him, pressing your back into the soft pillows while a wide grin pressed in over his face. “Nah you just hype me up”, he chuckled, grinning roguishly down on you, leaning in to peck your lips before you could feel one of his hands traveling down your body, to the spot he had already teased earlier. ”Stop”, you laughed as soon as he brushed his fingers lightly over your side and your hip, hitting all the ticklish spots on his way while you squirmed underneath him, trying to get words through the laughs that were falling from your lips. ”That’s unfair, I can’t get to your ticklish spots!”, you complained, trying to reach out to him but instead he pushed himself up, though staying close enough to continue his little torture. ”Well that’s kind of the plan, Sweetheart”, he chuckled, winking at you as his fingers brushed once more along your skin, pushing your body to flinch again “Oh you asshole.” “Careful!”, he called out as you tried to reach out for him again, the tone more playful than anything as you grinned up at him, watching as the dim light danced over his handsome face before you saw a bright, shimmering light starting to shoot over the nightsky, making its way over the firmament as you gasped in excitement. “There’s one!” ”I swear if you’re doing this to attack my ass-” ”No, look”, you shook your head quickly before nodding up, watching as Negan turned around and caught the next shooting star flying over the sky. “Shit! Looks like the Universe is shooting cum shots!”, he called with a booming laugh out, letting himself fall next to you in the very next moment while another wide grin dragged itself over his face. “I get to wish for a shitton tonight!” “You can’t tell me though”,you warned, glimpsing at Negan who was starting to look like a kid at Christmas morning,”Else it won’t come true” “Can’t risk that”, he chuckled, looking down from the sky to you for a moment to wink at you once more and lean in to press a quick kiss over your lips right before looking back up. it got silent for a moment as you stared in awe at the shooting stars that kept making their way over the dark sky, giving you enough time to think up your wishes before Negan cleared his throat and the corners of his lips started to twitch lightly, turning them into a wider smirk. “Well alright then...I wished just now that we wouldn’t fuck right on this damn blanket as soon as the universe has finished shooting its cum through the sky.” “You fucking goofball”, you chuckled, nudging his side playfully as another thick laugh rumbled through his chest before you leaned in to press a kiss to his stubbly cheek,”Lets hope for you that reverse psychology works on shooting stars.” “Mhmm, come here”, he chuckled, wrapping an arm around you to pull you close to his side. You cuddled up to him, moving to get comfy in between the pillows as Negan pressed a small kiss to your temple and held you tight while the shooting stars continued to rain down on you.

Finally, you could hear Negan’s footsteps coming up the stairs before he pushed the leaned door with his hip a little open and stepped back inside, taking a sip of his water before he handed yours over to you. “Here we go”, he said, a grin on his face that made him seem a little less tense than before as he placed the glass back on his nightstand and slipped back into the bed next to you, shifting close as you took a sip and pushed the glass onto your nightstand as well. Just as you moved back you could feel Negan already pulling you closer so you could huddle right back into him and feel him shifting so he could lay on his side and glimpse at you. You couldn’t directly pinpoint it but something was different now and just as you wanted to ask him if he was okay you felt him tightening his embrace around you, giving you another grin before he leaned in to press a warm kiss over your lips.

Still shaking you leaned against Negan’s chest, your slowly steady growing breath hitting his neck while you still sat on the wooden kitchen table. The warm morning sun was streaming through the windows and danced over your naked legs that had slumped from their hooked position around Negan’s hips to the ground. You could nearly still feel him thrusting into you, his hips moving against yours, his strong pounds letting the massive table shake underneath you while you clung shaking onto him. “Shit, it that ain’t the right way to start off the day”, Negan’s chuckled, moving his head to press a sloppy kiss to your temple while you slowly nodded, humming in agreement just before the clicking sound of the toaster made you flinch and snapped you back into reality. ”Fuck”, Negan cursed, letting out a loud groan as he slowly pulled himself away from you,”Those fuckin’ toasts.” Tugging on his sweatpants he shuffled them back over his legs, moving across the kitchen while the slightly burned scent that started to spread through the kitchen already gave away what Negan was calling out in the next moment. “Ah shit, it’s all burned”, he groaned moving to the counter, shortly revealing the toasts that had skipped half out of the toaster and were as dark as coal by now. “That quickie was worth it though”, he chuckled, turning around just enough to shoot you wolfish grin while a soft laugh left your lips as you shifted over the wood. “Yeah”, you nodded, tugging slightly on one of Negan’s white shirts that swung loosely around your body while Negan moved towards the bread bag and pulled out two fresh toasts. “Gonna put in some others”, Negan huffed, popping the new ones inside before he leaned down to the regulator on the toasters side, groaning slightly,”Gotta get a new one, this fucker’s a real asshole, always switches the times up. Those toasts should’ve been in there for what? Two minutes? Not the whole time we were fucking.” Another small huff left his lips before he started to ease up again as he seemed to spot something on the edge of the counter that motivated him enough to reach towards is and enclose it with his hands. “There’s something I wanted to give you, forgot it last night”, he said, a smile pressing in on his lips as he turned around, keeping whatever he’d just grabbed tightly in his hand so you had no change to guess what it actually was. “Open your hand”,he chucked as he strolled towards you, the grin widening a little as he caught your furrowed brows and the slightly irritated yet excited look in your eyes,”Just do it.” “Okay”, you said with a small chuckle, opening your palm flat out as Negan moved up to place something cool and small on your skin, the edges and ridges giving its identity away even before he moved his hands away. A silver key, attached to a small dark brown leather band that kept it in place while its sight first brought confusion into your mind before it quickly started to dim on you as soon as you glimpsed back up at him. “Y’know I want us to move in together someday...you know, when the time’s right, but till then...I just want you to know that this here is your home too”, he said, the warm smile on his face almost completely overtaking the grin as a wave of warmth started to spread through you,”And you can come here whenever you damn please.” You still must’ve looked surprised as hell, speechless even more as you stared at him, your lips drawing into a wider smile as Negan shrugged his shoulders softly. “We spend most of our time ‘round here either way, it’s only logical for you to have your own set of keys”, he said, moving a little closer to wrap an arm around you while the grin started to tug on the corners of his lips again and the roguishness found its way back into his eyes, “Plus, you can surprise me naked in bed when I come back from work.” “Oh so that’s the real reason?”, you asked with a laugh, finally finding words again as you softly shoved his chest only to see him shaking his head. “Nah, only the fucking cherry on top”, he said, winking at you before he leaned in to press a kiss to your temple,”Wanna have my girl around.” “Thank you, thank you so much”, you mumbled, slumping a little more in to wrap your arms around his torso and hug him, nuzzling your face into his warm chest as he pulled you closer into his embrace, humming contently. “No need to thank me for th-”, Negan started just before the plopping sound of the toaster sounded through the air again. It was loud enough to let the both of you flinch up and shoot your glances to the toasts that were instead of coal black finally deliciously golden brown, eliciting a loud, relieved chuckle to fall from Negan’s lips. “Oh fuckin’ finally!”

Negan’s lips still lingered over yours, moving over them as he a deep groan rumbled through his chest and vibrated against your body beneath him. Still a little startled you let out a surprised hum as he moved for a short moment back to glimpse at you right before pecking your lips again. “So surprised I wanna kiss my girl?”, he asked with a small chuckle, moving a little further over your body while you shook your head. “Nah”,you mumbled before you looked up at him with a small laugh,”Just thought you’d shut the lights down and we’d get right back to cuddling ‘cause you yawned your ass off before we got up here.” “Mhmm we can postpone that a little”, he mumbled back, right back at planting another kiss to your lips while a soft chuckle fell from your lips. “Okay.” 

It was already near midnight when you found yourself sitting in front of your laptop, surrounded by uncountable open books and papers while the work you still had to finish didn’t seem to become less. Feeling your concentration and motivation vanish with each moment more you glimpsed from your spot at the kitchen table through the slightly opened door into the living room where Negan was sitting on the couch and was skipping through the TV programs.  You’d do a lot to just cuddle up next to him on there now, but you knew you couldn’t and this simple fact brought your mood even further down than it already was. You’d been busy for weeks now, with barely any time for Negan left and this situation wouldn’t change as fast as you wished it would. Maybe one or two more weeks, but it still was too much for you at this time. It was exhausting, truly, and it didn’t help that you felt terrible for only being able to spend the mere minimum of the day and night with him.  Sighing you squeezed your eyes, trying to get your concentration back on as you stared at the open document on your laptop before you heard the slight squeaking of the couch as Negan lifted himself up from it and started to stroll towards the kitchen, sipping on some whiskey while a slightly concerned look was laying over his face as he moved into the room. “How is it goin’?”, Negan mumbled, setting his glass on the table, on one of the last spare spots that didn’t cover the wood in books or papers and leaned down, pressing a warm kiss to your neck before he nuzzled his nose into your skin. “Honestly?”, you asked with a bitter chuckle, though part of your body started to slightly relax with each time you felt his warm breath brush over your side. “Honest as fuck”, he mumbled against your skin, before he leaned a little back, just enough to make you turn your head and look at him. “Shitty”, you sighed, watching the concern grow on his face as he dropped down on the chair diagonally from you at the short side of the table, watching as he grasped your hand and gave it a loving squeeze.  It was soothing, really, but at the same time it gave you a sting, letting you realize once more how little attention you were able to give him during the last time. ”I’m sorry”, you gulped, feeling a small lump starting to grow in your throat fueled by the stress, exhaustion and frustration that were pressing in on you. ”For what?”, he asked, furrowing his brows, his hand still holding onto yours while another tight breath left your lips. ”That I don’t have time for you”, you mumbled, gulping thickly as a deep sigh fell from Negan’s lips as he shuffled a little closer to you with is chair.  ”C’mon you really don’t need to apologize ‘bout that. It’s just temporary”, he said, giving you a soft smile as his hand left yours and instead reached up to cup your cheek, his soothing voice and touch starting to kick something off in you that had been suppressed by the pressure within you,”And don’t worry about my ass now.” You slowly, nodded, trying to gulp the lump in your throat away but instead it seemed to grow more, its presence spreading more tension over your face as Negan guided your face softly but firmly enough to make you look at him. ”What’s going on, huh?” ”I don’t now”,you said, trying to somehow put the thoughts in your head into coherent sentences,”I’m trying but I just keep losing my concentration and get distracted...it’s just too much and it’s not stopping.” “Well probably because you’ve been working on this shit for way too fucking long. Sure your head’s gonna get tired of this crap. Don’t beat yourself up, Sweetheart, that’s normal”, Negan quickly replied, brushing his thumb over your cheek before he leaned a little further in to glimpse at you,”And while we’re at it. Don’t you think you need a little break?” ”I do but if I take a break I don’t have enough time to finish this”, you said, your glance waving to the packed table just as Negan’s touch made your attention come back to him. ”You remember when I was hanging all night over these fuckin’ exams, grading the shit outta them?”, he asked and you could already tell where this was going ,”And you told me if I would take a break I’d be faster and more focused afterwards?” A tight chuckle left your lips mixing with a sigh as you tried to brush it off but Negan was quick to counter. ”Don’t do that, you know it’s true!” ”Yeah”, you mumbled, even though you a small voice in the back of your head was pushing you to keep trying to finish this now, afraid to fail if you wouldn’t. ”So just lemme relax you a little”, Negan added, his hand slipping from your cheek to your neck, the familiar smirk back on his lips. ”I’m not that much in the mood for-” ”I know”, he chuckled, his tongue sneaking over his bottom lip as he leaned a little further in,”I could tell. I got another idea...you’re gonna let me show you?” ”And after you can get back to this, all nice and relaxed”, he added with a bigger growing grin waiting before you slowly started to nod. Regardless of how much pressure you were still feeling, a break with Negan just sounded too good to resist right now.  And so you followed him into the living room, his hand still locked around yours until you settled down on the couch and watched Negan grabbing the remote, stepping to the TV before he started to skip from the show he’s been watching till now to the music section. “What are you doing?”, you asked, watching curiously and a little confused while Negan only grinned for a moment back at you before he turned back to the TV. “You’ll see”, he said, starting to skip through playlists and songs, keeping the confusion in you up and going,“I’m just searching for that song you like.” “Alright”, you chuckled, deciding to just let him surprise you while he skipped through the songs, starting to swing his hips a little when the melodies sounded through the room. He looked funny like that and you couldn’t stifle your chuckles as you watched his slightly ligneous movements. “Don’t laugh, these hips are perfect for fuckin’ not dancing, you gotta have your priorities”, he laughed, giving you a playful glare while you nodded with another chuckle. “I know”, you said, grinning back at him before he seemed to have found the song he was searching for, leaving you in the dark for a moment as his figure covered the album cover on the TV before he hit play, tossed the remote onto one of the leather armchairs and moved back towards you. “C’mere”, he said, extending his hand for you to take hit and allow him to lift you back onto your feed while the familiar melody started to sound through the living room and you got where he was about to take this,”Maybe lil’ cheesy but this might help to take your pretty head off this shit...and its a bit more creative than just cuddling the shit outta ya.” Negan let out another small but throaty chuckle as he moved to wrap an arm around your body, pulling you tightly against his chest while you started to relax and settled against him as he started to slowly swing from side to side. Moving his head a little he leaned his against yours, pressing a small kiss to your temple as he cradled you against his body and allowed his warmth to take you in, allow you to close your eyes and breath deeply through. “That was a good idea”, you mumbled, leaning your head against his warm neck, breathing in his scent and feeling his arm tightening a little more around you as he chuckled softly against your skin, “Thank you.” “Mhmm anytime”, Negan mumbled back, pressing another kiss to your skin while you cuddled closer, “Not like I don’t get any benefits from this here.” His chest rumbled against your body as one of his hands traveled a little down your body, moving to caress over your ass and give it a quick but firm squeeze while another laugh fell from your lips. “Oh that’s why you wanted to slow dance”, you chuckled, still remaining cuddled up to him while you could feel him shaking his head slightly. “Nah, just the cherry on top”, he mumbled back, moving his hand back to pull you closer and keep you deeply in his embrace while the stress within you started to beat retreat, allowing you to relax a little and shut down the suspense that was still lingering in the back of your head for a moment. It wasn’t completely gone and you knew that this wouldn’t happen, but that was okay. For now, you were happy just like this, wrapped up in Negan’s arms and swinging softly from side to side to the sound of the music.

You could feel yourself still thinking about this moment in the living room when Negan started to plant kisses along your jaw, his large hand cupping your waist, making sure that you stayed closely by his side and giving you the same warm feeling as you had when you’d swayed through the room downstairs. Another small hum left Negan’s lips as he moved a little closer while you could feel an urge in you pushing you to finally get clarity into this whole situation. You didn’t want to push him, not ever, but you couldn’t keep on going like this either, unsure and with the both of you too rilled up to fall asleep.  “Alright, what’s going in with you”, you asked with a soft chuckle, trying to keep the slight nervousness in you down as Negan halted for a moment you could swear that the tension from before started to slip back over his body. A small sigh left his lips as he slowly backed away, just enough to glimpse at you, the grin gone from his face and replaced with a slightly nervous expression. ”I know you heard”, he mumbled as one of his hands reached up to let his thumb stroke softly along your jaw, his eyes following its movement for a moment as it it would help him to collect his thoughts. Another thick gulp travelled down his throat while you could feel yourself growing a little tense, unsure of what to expect. “I should’ve had the balls to just speak it out”, he said, a nervous chuckle falling from his lips as his eyes finally found yours again and the tension slowly started to transform into warmth,”Not just on the couch today, way fucking earlier.” A smile started to grow on your lips as your eyes stayed fixed on him, watching as he gulped thickly before a smile began to tuck on the corners of his lips as well. “I love you”, he finally said, eliciting a wave of happiness to wash over you while a part of you was still asking itself if you were dreaming for a moment.  The smile on Negan’s lips broke fully through as he glimpsed at you, another chuckle, now more happy than nervous falling from his lips as he let out a deep, content sigh, ”Fuck, I love you so goddamn much.”

________

Lyrics: (Unless Tumblr screwed the fonts up, the bolt words below are those that I especially used in this imagine!)

One look, dark room Men just for you Time moved too fast You played it back Buttons on a coat Light hearted joke No proof not much But you saw enough Small talk, he drives Coffee at midnight, the light reflects The chain on your neck He says look up And your shoulders brush No proof, one touch You felt enough

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you You can feel it on the way home, way home, you You can see it with the lights out, lights out You are in love, true love You are in love

Morning, his place Burnt toast, Sunday You keep his shirt He keeps his word And for once you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much, but it said enough You kissed on sidewalks You fight and you talk One night he wakes, strange look on his face Pauses, then says, you're my best friend And you knew what it was, he is in love

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you You can feel it on the way home, way home, you You can see it with the lights out, lights out You are in love, true love

So it goes You two are dancing in a snow globe, go round and round And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars And why I've spent my whole life try to put it into words

'Cause you can hear in the silence You can feel it on the way home You can see it with the lights out You are in love, true love You're in love

Sure, Negan was a mighty scary guy, demanding the attention of anyone the minute he walked into a room, but that was also what made you so attracted to him. The first month, he pretty much ignored you and that was fine by you.  But soon, he started showing up during your kitchen duty hours, asking questions about inventory, and what was needed around the kitchen to further make things easier.  

Before long, Negan even demanded, not asked, that you start bringing him dinner to his quarters.  The first couple of times, you felt as if your heart would explode from nerves.  Behind closed doors, you got to see the true Negan, the kind nobody saw; not even his wives.  

Your heart lurched in your chest, taking a deep breath before knocking on Negan’s door to deliver him his meal.  His boots thumping on the ground could be heard from out in the hallway as your breath hitched in your throat.  

“Well hell-fucking-o doll face” Negan declared with a wide grin as he opened the door for you.  “Come the fuck in.”

Giving him a weak smile back, you entered into his quarters.  As you set the tray down on his desk, you gave yourself a minute to cool down before turning and facing him; you knew this night would be a little bit rough, knowing he would want an answer.  

The clatter of silverware on the dish startled you as you turned to face Negan.  “Take a seat.  Lets chat” Negan said with a smirk; your heart racing even more.  

Gripping the armrests of the chair, you sunk down, trying to get comfortable as your eyes remained locked on his.  Fuck, his gray beard and slicked back black hair looked mighty fine on him, you wanted to badly to jump across the desk and just kiss him.  

“Have you thought about what I asked you?” Negan demanded as he took a bite of his meal, his dark eyes grazing your body.  

Of course you thought about what he asked you.  He wanted you to become one of his wives; and as much as you wanted to because you not only wanted him, you seriously were starting to fall for the guy.  But that’s just the problem….his wives.  You wanted nothing to do with his harem he had going on.  You were a one man kind of woman, even in this shitty world of the apocalypse.  

Clearing your throat, you began to answer him, “Yes, I have.”

He ceased his chewing and all movements as his eyes locked on yours.  Your throat was dry, feeling like you just ran a mile in the Sahara Desert with no water.  You wanted nothing more than to tear your gaze away from him, but as usual, he commanded your attention.  

Negan raised his eyebrows, waiting for you to speak but you became tongue tied, no words forming.  “Well?  What’s your fucking answer doll?”

Something in you snapped, your eyes squinting at him, a sour look on your face.  He damn well knew how you felt about his wives, and how you only would ever be with a man who was monogamous with you.  “You KNOW my answer Negan” you answered him in disgust, knowing full well that your tone might get your ass in trouble, but you didn’t care.

His eyes rose at your answer as he slammed his hands down on the table.  “Don’t you fucking take that fucking tone with me Y/N!” he roared as he pointed a finger at you, standing up in the process.  “Now tell me your fucking answer.”

“No” you said softly, your voice starting to quiver as you finally said it out loud.  “Not until you leave your wives Negan.”

His eyes softened as you rejected him.  Negan probably didn’t understand the damn word, never having been rejected before because of his power over people.  

“I know it hurts” you began to say, “rejection is not fun. But you know how I feel about your wives Negan.  If you want me, I want you all to myself.  Not to share with your whores.”

He opened his mouth but quickly shut it, obviously not knowing how to respond to you.  In the past month, Negan had become somewhat tender with you behind closed doors, and damn was he an intelligent man.  The conversations the two of you held, you thought you would never find someone to have such intellectual conversations with anymore and that was another reason you wanted to be with him.  

“I can’t do this without you” he declared as his gaze bore into you.

Tears started to swell in your eyes, your vision becoming blurry.  “I’m sorry Negan.  But until you get rid of your wives, I can’t be with you” you cried out, your lower lip quivering in the process.