#neffytalks

I made a M9 photoset with Hotdaga quotes as character captions.

Bonus sad Molly, may they Rest In Peace.

And I’ve never hated myself more so there’s some improvement!

Nothing has ever felt so the opposite of joy/excitement in my life. Fifteen effing years. I can’t imagine how the rest of my life will feel.

Fifteen years and nothing to show. 8.7 A1C. 45+ pounds since high school from insulin/depression binge eating. So much scar tissue my site areas are gray. Depression & anxiety. Looking at potential partners 100% from a “can they pay for good health insurance?” I have one diabetic friend, and while I love her to bits, we don’t live near each other.

I feel like the biggest thing they don’t tell you when they diagnose you is how hard it is. Years just keep racing by and it’s like watching a building crumble and get taken over by plants, except it’s not pretty at all.

Hear me out...

Marion Lavore, Jester, And Molly are Snorks with corresponding fringe colors. Snorkmolly wears little bracelets and earrings, Snorkjester wears flower crowns, Snorkmama wears a circlet. They took Snorkmolly in when he was young and he’s just been a part of their family ever since.

Beau and Caleb are Mumriks who travel a lot but always stop to visit the valley. Beau is often called The Lionett and Caleb The Widogast. Frumpkin is a little dragon who’s bonded with Caleb and follows him everywhere. They always stay at Snorkmama’s house when they come visit.

Fjord and Nott are Mymbles. They aren’t related, but they tend to travel together because it’s easier than going alone. Nott is married to a Mumrik, Yeza, and they have a Mymble-Mumrik son, Luc. No one knows this because they assume Nott is a young Mymble due to her small size and are shocked to learn she’s the eldest of the group.

Yasha is the Groke. Misunderstood and lonely, she finds a family with the Snorks and becomes Snorkmolly’s best friend.

Constructive criticism folks. She's not deserving of the kind of criticism getting sent her way right now. If people are going to keep saying things like "She's like Lindsay but worse/she's not funny and needs to be fired/she's a whiny b****" etc, that's just mean. You can say things like "didn't get Fiona this video. Still a good video tho." or even still a bad video though! But seeing people talk about her as "the whiny girl/the replacement female" (which I can't even believe that's crap I have to hear in the year 2019) is just straight up cruel. Constructive Criticism (maybe paired with a little nice stuff too?) is awesome. Cruel Criticism for the sake of expressing anger/straight negativity is much less cool. it's totally okay to be nice to people, to be positive and happy, even if it's not to your taste. You can be critical and still be kind and positive about it.

Tl;dr

I’m exhausted all the time. Not just tired, like I can’t sleep or I sleep too much and either way I can hardly keep my eyes open. I’m not just tired, my whole body is weak too. Every day feels like the day after a marathon, no matter how much I exercise and stretch, rest, or how I eat.

My whole body hurts. My heat, my hips, my back, my sites, my chest. I keep getting shooting pain in my lungs/guts, and my neck, and I don’t know why. I’m always out of breath. I can hardly breathe sometimes. My vision and hearing just took a big dip.

I’m so discouraged. I don’t understand life anymore. I feel like I can’t have dreams, because my dreams don’t account for my being sick. I can’t have dreams and be sick at the same time.

I’m scared about life. I don’t know how I’m going to survive soon. I have two years to finish school, get a job with insurance/marry someone with insurance, or i won’t have money for supplies.